I STOOD UP FROM MY CHAIR, BOWING IN THANKS TO THE LADY WHO INTERVIEWED ME. "I'm sorry for taking up your time," I say softly and then turn heel to leave.
My breath fills the air before me as the snow falls with a gentle touch. I'm frustrated, irritated, and just plain depressed. Why does every job I apply to...seem to reject me?! I've tried endlessly for the past three months...and I've been led nowhere.
Letting out an exasperated sigh, I think back to grandma's words. Something that I always seem to question whenever I remember it.
"You are one in a sea of millions of people, so make your time worth it," she said to me with a warm smile and a gentle hug. Grandma wanted me to become a strong woman, one that will challenge everything and not back down without a fight.
Because she already lost so many precious people to the fight against life.
I blink back the tears forming in my eyes and drop my head as I continue to walk along the sidewalk. "I'm sorry...grandma..." I whisper pitifully into the snow.
One failure after another, I was stuck in a rut where I would do nothing right. It didn't matter if I was an early graduate honor student from a well-known university. It didn't matter if I reached out with kindness, returning the debt to those at the orphanage that raised me.
I lost my family years ago to the point I wouldn't even be able to remember them once I hit fifty. My life with my foster parents was nice but it felt superficial and everyone from the orphanage gazed at me with pity.
That's not what I wanted. I didn't want pity. I wanted a chance to show the world who I was, to leave my mark on this earth and give proof that I was alive.
Somberly, I look up at the gray sky, remembering the times I spent with grandma and enjoying the winter weather. Her gentle hugs and delicious cookies that I always ate while it was too hot.
The days where I had nothing to worry about.
But now that all seemed lonely and desolate as it disappeared with the years. How was I supposed to make my life count, without begin given a chance to prove myself?
"Please, leave me alone!" I pull my gaze away from the sky at that shout, scanning the crowd that I was among to cross the street.
A woman, her hands holding onto her bag straps nervously as she stared at the man before her. "I'm going to call the police if you keep following me!" she exclaims and the man before her snickers.
I narrow my eyes, a bitter sigh of resentment escaping my lips. When living in a big city, one sees more of these kinds of people than anyone can imagine.
"Make your time worth it."
Grandma's words suddenly repeat in my head, I blink, walking towards the man that was pressing the woman. I couldn't understand what I was doing myself.
Who am I to think that I could help this person if I can't even pull myself out of the rut I'm stuck in? I was one to play the hero in the past before reality slapped me in the face. Defending classmates from bullies, encouraging the other kids at the orphanage that we would find good families.
But that wasn't who I was anymore. Iw as just someone wanting to find a purpose.
"Leave her alone," I say with a sharp tongue, standing between the man and the woman. Crossing my arms across my chest, I glare at him. "Are you that illiterate that you can't even understand words?"
He visibly fumes as he reaches out to grab me, but I slap his hand away. "Women are not tools or jewelry, you idiot!" I snap and slap him across the face. "Go back to your mama and beg her to teach you manners again, dumba**!"
The man swears, gritting his teeth. "No one's talking to you, b*tch!" I stand on edge as he raises his voice, drawing the attention of the crowd. "Get the hell outta here!" He shoots his arms around quickly and before I could even react, I was being shoved away.
I didn't think much of it at that moment, but then I remember: I was standing at the edge of the sidewalk. The road thundering behind me as cars zipped past.
All sound disappeared, my eyes locking onto the fearful gaze and gaping mouth of the people watching my fall. This was it, this is how I was going to end.
But I managed to do something right, for the first time in years. I confronted a man harassing a woman. Would you be proud, grandma?
I close my eyes. But I didn't want my life to end here, I wanted another chance. I wanted to make my life count and not live with regrets.
"I want to try again."
BAM!
The screams of the people along the sidewalk barely reach my ears as I gasp for air. Everything was numb. I couldn't see.
"Help..." A whimpering voice echoes in my mind, I didn't recognize this voice. But it was sad, defenseless, and small sounding.
Much like m back when I stood at grandma's funeral.
"Help me escape...!"
My eyes slip shut as my heaving chest pauses. Someone was calling me for help but I couldn't do that while I was dying. Heck, I couldn't help the woman in front of me without dying.
But...whoever is calling for me, if I could help you...I would. No one deserves to live as awful of a life as I did.
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I JOLT AWAKE, CHOKING FOR AIR WHILE GROPING THE DARKNESS. Surging with panic, I look around frantically for an answer to where I was.
Metal clinks at my feet as my eyes adjust to the darkness, panic still pumping wildly inside of me. I lose my breath, eyes growing wide, I have to bite into my lip to hold myself back from screaming.
The legs I saw were pale, thin, and chained. I was in shackles, the chain winding around the straw that I sat on as if this was some kind of stupid cartoon fantasy.
I laugh, finding my hands just as skeletal as my legs. This was all too insane, I was supposed to be dead after being pushed out into the street.
"Just where am I now...?" I whisper into the darkness with quivering lips. "Didn't...didn't I die back there?" Pathetic tears fill up in my eyes, I try my best to rub them away to think through the situation I was currently in.
But they came, I couldn't stop them. I cry into my hands, drawing my skinny legs up to my chest while shivering from the wind that tore through the building I was in.
The pain was real, the fear was real, the cold was real. I tug at my cheek stubbornly, trying to wake myself up from this crazy dream that I probably made while dying.
Nothing.
A sharp pain shoots through my head and I wince, rubbing at the pain while closing my eyes. I jump as voices pour into my mind, pounding every wall in there with new faces, knowledge, and memories.
Voices I never heard before in my life suddenly became familiar and the new faces I was picturing in my head with this headache were labeled.
My master, my father, my brother, and...my love?
I wasn't dead, I wasn't in some crazy dream either. The pieces came together and I slowly gathered who I was and where I was sitting.
"Ruto...Elisheba Lanesworth..." A fancy name that rolls off my tongue in such familiarity, it was strange. No one I know-- not that I know many people-- would have a weird name like that.
My eyes grew wide as I slowly made the connection and everything stopped.
Ruto Elisheba Lanesworth, the daughter of a respectable Earl who raised her with care after her mother passed away. She was raised, adored by her older brother, father, and the man she loved.
But then the accusations came, the royal guard storming into their manor the day she celebrated her sixteenth birthday. She watched as her father was taken away, despite claiming innocence and Ruto could do nothing. Her brother and lover left for a foreign country and she had lost contact with them.
Ruto screamed and cried as she watched her father's unjust execution with the townspeople gleefully watching. No one stood up for her, no one defended her. In their eyes, she was just the daughter of a criminal. So she was taken away into a world tragedy.
The next five years of her life were full of pain, suffering, and misery. Pitifully scrubbing floors and receiving harsh treatment from her master. Ruto would cry herself to sleep at night and dream of her better past.
I look around myself, touching the straw beneath me and then eyeing my hands They were full of scars, cuts tracing all around the petite hand that was just as thin as any other limb this body carries.
My breath is taken away. I had become Ruto. The girl who lost her status and now lives her days as a slave, residing in the stables of her master's manor.
The doors to the stables slam open at that very moment. "Ruto!" I jumped at the call of what was now my name, shuddering as a man appeared before me.
It was my master.
He clicks his tongue irritably while eyeing my figure. "Come, make yourself presentable!" he snaps while a boy comes and unlocks my chains. My master takes me by the arm, pulling my rigid body to my feet and dragging me out of the dark stables. "The captain of the royal guard has come for you! You mustn't greet them in such a state!"
I stumble after him, my legs weak and not the strong ones I once had in my life. My eyes grow wide at the sight of the extravagant mansion ahead of us, master barking for the servants to clear out.
"Clean her up!" he orders a maid and a greedy smile forms on his lips. "We may receive a good fortune from you after all."
I was given no time to grasp the situation and am thrown into a bath that was freezing. "Cold!" I yelp and I shoot out of the water before another wave dumps onto me. "Wait! What's going on--"
But the maids scrub away roughly without listening to me and I'm soon pulled to be put in clothes. I see my appearance-- or Ruto's-- for the first time when I'm sat in front of a mirror.
She had large violet eyes with fair skin and silver hair. I notice a dark pattern like winding ivy trading drown from my forehead and through my left eye, wrapping around my neck.
My Eve.
I tell myself the answer before even grasping what these markings meant. But with my hair done and a camellia pin placed next to my ear, the maids pull me out to the front of the mansion.
"Ah, here she is, good sir!" Master says with a slimy smile and I blink confusion. "Our dearest Ruto Elisheba Lanesworth!"
Dearest. I hold myself back from scoffing, the fear that I had felt before clashing with my disgust for this man.
Ruto was a slave working in his mansion! Not a dear child he took in after a tragic accident!
I fume, nearly grumbling out loud before I notice the gentle gaze of the man in a silver and blue uniform. Master introduces him as the captain of the royal guard, Sir Finnian.
"Lady Lanesworth," he calls softly and holds out the crook of his elbow. My heart flutters as I the princess movies I still watch as a twenty-one-year-old. "Will you come with us?"
I take his arm without a word, still confused but also excited. "Pardon me...but where are we headed?" I surprise myself in the tone I speak in. It was nothing like the bold one that I had.
Finnian smiles as he guides me up a fancy carriage. "To greet His Majesty the Emperor," he says with a chuckle, taking a seat across from me and shutting the door behind him. His gaze narrows at the sight of my master receiving a pile of money. "And if I were, to be honest...even if you are not the one he seeks...it will be best for you to escape this man."
I tighten my grasp around the dress I wear, holding back the tears that threatened to spill over.
'Finnian's a good guy!'
He takes note of my glassy eyes and begins to panic. "Oh dear, have I offended you? My apologies, Lady Lanesworth!" I laugh, choking on my tears as I shake my head and smile.
"No, sir..." I cup my hands close to my chest. "It is just that...I have not received such kindness in many years...."
Though these emotions, this situation, this life wasn't meant for me, I would treasure this chance that was given. I can try again, even if I was under a different name with different memories.
I would live on as Ruto Elisheba Lanesworth.
"We will arrive at the Chandani Palace in due time, Lady Ruto. I shall see to it that you receive proper medical care there," Sir Finnian tells me with a small smile. "Though I am afraid that you must wait until our audience with His Majesty has been done."
"Thank you, Sir Finnian," I say with a gracious smile. "Your kindness and consideration is something I appreciate enough."
The first task at hand was to come to peace with these conflicting emotions. I needed to learn not to be afraid in the situations that Ruto would be. She would change a little bit under my eye-- even if I was secretly afraid in certain moments.
I curl my hand into a fist and smile. "My life's going to be fulfilling here!"
"Pardon?"
"Ah-- Oh, nothing!" I exclaim in a fluster and drop my gaze with burning cheeks.