"HAT!!!" Professor McGonagal exclaimed.
"Don't you 'hat!' me, McGonagal!"The hat spat. "You have no clue about what the level of absurd I'm dealing with right now!"
Harry felt a bit akward. He did not imagined the hat would react like this.
"Excuse me mister hat? can you just sort me please?" Harry asked.
"Yes, you are Griffindor, you have qualities of the other houses as well, quite a lot in fact, but heck if you are not Griffindor then no one is Griffindor, you are more Griffindor then Griffindor himself for fuck sake! I should rename house Griffindor to house Potter, Griffindor is a shame..."Wile the hat was mumbuling about the Griffindor house, Harry took it off and went to the Griffindor table under the laughter of the school. Harry sat down opposite the ghost in the ruff he'd seen earlier. The ghost patted his arm, giving Harry the sudden feeling that he'd just plunged it into a bucket of ice-cold water.
He could see the High Table properly now. At the end nearest him sat Hagrid, the giant man, a professor with a large purple turbant, and, in the center of the High Table, in a large gold chair, sat Albus Dumbledore. Harry recognized him at once from the card he'd gotten out of the Chocolate Frog on the train. Dumbledore's silver hair was the only thing in the whole hall that shone as brightly as the ghosts .
After a 40 minute break the hat took to "Regain the lost sanity." and people used to interrogate Harry about what happened(he revealed nothing), the sorting continued,"Thomas, Dean," a Black boy even taller than Ron, joined Harry at the Gryffindor table. "Turpin, Lisa," became a Ravenclaw and then it was Ron's turn. He was pale green by now. Harry crossed his fingers under the table and a second later the hat had shouted, "GRYFFINDOR!"
Harry clapped loudly with the rest as Ron collapsed into the chair next to him.
"Well done, Ron, excellent," said Percy Weasley Pompously across Harry as "Zabini, Blaise," was made a Slytherin. Professor McGonagall rolled up her scroll and took the Sorting Hat away.
Harry looked down at his empty gold plate. He had only just realized how hungry he was. The pumpkin pasties seemed ages ago.
Albus Dumbledore had gotten to his feet. He was beaming at the students, his arms opened wide, as if nothing could have pleased him more than to see them all there.
"Welcome," he said. "Welcome to a new year at Hogwarts! Before we begin our banquet, I would like to say a few words. And here they are: Nitwit! Blubber! Oddment! Tweak!
Thank you!"
He sat back down. Everybody clapped and cheered. Harry didn't know whether to laugh or not.
"Is he, a bit mad?" Ron asked Percy uncertainly.
"Mad?" said Percy airily. "He's a genius! Best wizard in the world! But he is a bit mad, yes. Potatoes?"
Harry's mouth fell open. The dishes in front of him were now piled with food. It has been a wile since he'd seen so many things he liked to eat on one table: roast beef, roast chicken, pork chops and lamb chops, sausages, bacon and steak, boiled potatoes, roast potatoes, fries, Yorkshire pudding, peas, carrots, gravy, ketchup, peppermint humbugs, and more.
Harry piled his plate and began to inhal-*cough* eat it. It was all delicious.
"That does look good," said the ghost in the ruff sadly, watching Harry eat an entire steak in a second.
"Can't you eat?" Harry asked.
"I haven't eaten for nearly four hundred years," said the ghost. "I don't need to, of course, but one does miss it. I don't think I've in troduced myself? Sir Nicholas de Mimsy-Porpington at your service. Resident ghost of Gryffindor Tower."
'400 years and you have not moved on yet?' Harry raised an eyebrow.
"I know who you are!" said Ron suddenly. "My brothers told me about you! you're Nearly Headless Nick!"
"I would prefer you to call me Sir Nicholas de Mimsy-." the ghost began stiffly, but sandy-haired Seamus Finnigan interrupted.
"Nearly Headless? How can you be nearly headless?"
Sir Nicholas looked extremely miffed, as if their little chat wasn't going at all the way he wanted.
"Like this," he said irritably. He seized his left ear and pulled. His whole head swung off his neck and fell onto his shoulder as if it was on a hinge. Someone had obviously tried to behead him, but not done it properly. Looking pleased at the stunned looks on their faces, Sir Nicholas flipped his head back onto his neck.
'Dull axe. Dosens of hits. Ouch.' Diognosed Harry.
"So, new Gryffindors! I hope you're going to help us win the house championship this year? Gryffindors have never gone so long without winning. Slytherins have got the cup six years in a row! The Bloody Baron's becoming almost unbearable, he's the Slytherin ghost."
Harry looked over at the Slytherin table and saw a ghost sitting there, with blank staring eyes, a gaunt face, and robes stained with silver blood. He was right next to Malfoy who, Harry was pleased to see, didn't look too pleased with the seating arrangements.
"How did he get covered in blood?" asked Seamus with great interest.
"I've never asked," said Sir Nicholas delicately.
When everyone had eaten as much as they could, the remains of the food faded from the plates, leaving them sparkling clean as before(With exeption of Griffindor table that did not leave remains). A moment later the desserts appeared. Blocks of ice cream in every flavor you could think of, apple pies, treacle tarts, chocolate eclairs and jam doughnuts, trifle, strawberries, Jell-O, rice pudding...
As Harry ate a treacle tart per bite, the talk turned to their families.
"I'm half-and-half," said Seamus. "Me dad's a Muggle. Mom didn't tell him she was a witch 'til after they were married. Bit of a nasty shock for him."
The others laughed.
"What about you, Neville?" said Ron.
"Well, my gran brought me up and she's a witch," said Neville, "but the family thought I was all muggle for ages. My great uncle Algie kept trying to catch me off my guard and force some magic out of me, he pushed me off the end of Blackpool pier once, I nearly drowned, but nothing happened until I was eight. Great uncle Algie came round for dinner, and he was hanging me out of an upstairs window by the ankles when my great auntie Enid offered him a meringue and he accidentally let go. But I bounced, all the way down the garden and into the road. They were all really pleased, Gran was crying, she was so happy. And you should have seen their faces when I got in here, they thought I might not be magic enough to come, you see. Great uncle Algie was so pleased he bought me my toad."
"That is cruel of your uncle." Harry said. "Hanging you by the ankles, pushing you off a pier... Are you ok?"
"Yes I'm fine. No need to worry about it."
Not entirely convinced, Harry turned his atention to his other side, where Percy Weasley and Hermione were talking about lessons.
"I do hope they start right away, there's so much to learn, I'm particularly interested in Transfiguration, you know, turning something into something else, of course, it's supposed to be very difficult..."Hermione said.
"You'll be starting small, just matches into needles and that sort of thing." Percy replyed.
"I am looking forward to potions." Harry chimmed in. "I've been taught alchemy before, but from what I read in our course books, we will learn methods I am very unfamiliar with."
Percy looked at Harry with sad eyes.
"What?" Harry asked.
"It is just that professor Snape is... You'll see." Percy answered enigmaticaly.
At last, the desserts too disappeared(again with no leftovers from grifindor), and Professor Dumbledore got to his feet again. The hall fell silent.
"Ahern -- just a few more words now that we are all fed and watered. I have a few start-of-term notices to give you.
"First years should note that the forest on the grounds is forbidden to all pupils. And a few of our older students would do well to remember that as well."
Dumbledore's twinkling eyes flashed in the direction of Ron's twin brothers Fred and George, who seemed happy about it for some reason.
"I have also been asked by Mr. Filch, the caretaker, to remind you all that no magic should be used between classes in the corridors.
"Quidditch trials will be held in the second week of the term. Anyone interested in playing for their house teams should contact Madam Hooch.
"And finally, I must tell you that this year, the third-floor corridor on the right-hand side is out of bounds to everyone who does not wish to die a very painful death."
A few students laughed.
"Is he serious?" Harry muttered to Percy.
"Must be," said Percy, frowning at Dumbledore. "It's odd, because he usually gives us a reason why we're not allowed to go somewhere, the forest's full of dangerous beasts, everyone knows that. I do think he might have told us prefects, at least."
"And now, before we go to bed, let us sing the school song!" cried Dumbledore. Harry noticed that the other teachers' smiles had become rather fixed.
Dumbledore gave his wand a little flick, as if he was trying to get a fly off the end, and a long golden ribbon flew out of it, which rose high above the tables and twisted itself, snakelike, into words.
"Everyone pick their favorite tune," said Dumbledore, "and off we go!" And the school bellowed:
(A/N:Obligatory song is obligatory.)
"Hogwarts, Hogwarts, Hoggy Warty Hogwarts,
Teach us something please,
Whether we be old and bald
Or young with scabby knees,
Our heads could do with filling
With some interesting stuff,
For now they're bare and full of air,
Dead flies and bits of fluff,
So teach us things worth knowing,
Bring back what we've forgot,
just do your best, we'll do the rest,
And learn until our brains all rot."
Everybody finished the song at different times. At last, only the Weasley twins were left singing along to a very slow funeral march. Dumbledore conducted their last few lines with his wand and when they had finished, he was one of those who clapped loudest.
"Ah, music," he said, wiping his eyes. "A magic beyond all we do here! And now, bedtime. Off you trot!"
The Gryffindor first years followed Percy through the chattering crowds, out of the Great Hall, and up the marble staircase. Harry was surprised to see that the people in the portraits along the corridors whispered and pointed as they passed, and that twice Percy led them through doorways hidden behind sliding panels and hanging tapestries. The group climbed more staircases, yawning and dragging their feet when they came to a sudden halt.
A bundle of walking sticks was floating in midair ahead of them, and as Percy took a step toward them they started throwing themselves at him.
"Peeves," Percy whispered to the first years. "A poltergeist." He raised his voice, "Peeves! show yourself!"
A loud, rude sound, like the air being let out of a balloon, answered.
"Do you want me to go to the Bloody Baron?"
There was a pop, and a little man with wicked, dark eyes and a wide mouth appeared, floating cross- legged in the air, clutching the walking sticks.
"Oooooooh!" he said, with an evil cackle. "Ickle Firsties! What fun!"
He swooped suddenly at them. They all ducked.
"Go away, Peeves, or the Baron'll hear about this, I mean it!" barked Percy.
Peeves stuck out his tongue and vanished, dropping the walking sticks on Neville's head. They heard him zooming away, rattling coats of armor as he passed.
"You want to watch out for Peeves," said Percy, as they set off again. "The Bloody Baron's the only one who can control him, he won't even listen to us prefects. Here we are."
At the very end of the corridor hung a portrait of a very fat woman in a pink silk dress.
"Password?" she said. "Caput Draconis," said Percy, and the portrait swung forward to reveal a round hole in the wall. They all scrambled through it and found themselves in the Gryffindor common room, a cozy, round room full of squashy armchairs.
Percy directed the girls through one door to their dormitory and the boys through another. At the top of a spiral staircase they found their beds at last: five four-posters hung with deep red, velvet curtains. Their trunks had already been brought up. Too tired to talk much, they pulled on their pajamas and fell into bed.
"Great food, isn't it?" Ron muttered to Harry through the hangings. Harry nodded.
Harry was going to ask Ron if he'd had any of the treacle tart, but he fell asleep almost at once, so Harry decided to follow his exemple.