By the time I calmed down, poor Leinani's shoulder was sopping wet. I'd hate to know what my face looked like. I hadn't cried that hard in years. I've been sad and heartbroken before, but this felt different. It felt like everything inside of me was tearing apart.
"Can you tell me what happened?"
It was the first thing that Leinani said after I pounced on her. She'd spent time silently holding me as I emptied my feelings on her shoulder.
"What happened with Kyah?"
I wasn't surprised she knew my breakdown had to do with Kyah. It was obvious when you think about it. You don't cry like this if you don't care about the person on the other end of your feelings.
"Celeste came by tonight."
"Celeste VanWalters? Why?"
"I'm not sure. Apparently, she has some strange connection with Kyah."
"I thought you said that Kyah didn't like Celeste."
"Yeah. She pretty much hates her."
"Then why was she there?"
"I don't know, Lei. From the little that I saw, it seems like Celeste is infatuated with Kyah."
"But Kyah doesn't feel the same way, right?"
I sobbed. "I hope not. What am I going to do, Lei? I can't lose Kyah. Not that I have her now. But still. I don't want to lose her." I felt the tears welling in my eyes. I felt so pathetic.
Leinani watched me for a few moments before she asked, "Why don't you just try to be single for a while?"
I felt like I'd just been slapped. "What are you talking about? You want me to give up Kyah? I can't! I won't!"
Despite my tone, Leinani didn't flinch. "Rhea, listen. You are constantly bouncing from one toxic relationship to another. I think that's left you with no time to find out what you want and who you are. You can't keep doing this to yourself. If you do, your relationships will always be shallow."
"There's nothing shallow about my feelings for Kyah, Lei. You should know me better than that."
"I do know you better. But I also know that you have a tendency to get in over your head. I'm suggesting that you take a step back and reevaluate things."
What was she talking about? Reevaluate? I don't want to reevaluate anything. What I want is to be held in Kyah's arms. I wanted to feel her warmth beside me. I wanted to wake up and have the first sight I see be her lovely face. I wanted to watch her beautiful hazel eyes twinkle as she gave me one of her rare smiles. I wanted all of these things, not because I was scared of being alone. I wanted it because it came from Kyah.
"I'm not going to do that, Lei. I won't."
She sighed. "Fine. Then how about you tell me what exactly happened."
I went over everything in detail. I explained how I'd ran into Kyah earlier in the day with Simone. I told her about Professor Andromeda. I told her how we planned to meet up later. I walked her through the moments leading up to Celeste's interruption. Lastly, I told her how I'd escaped from Kyah's room.
Leinani took in all of this without interrupting once. When I was finished, she closed her eyes and thought things through.
"If you ask me, it sounds like Kyah and Celeste have a sexual relationship."
"What?!" I couldn't contain my shock. "What are you talking about? Didn't you hear me say that Kyah hates her? Trust me, Celeste is pure evil in a skirt! Kyah would never have sex with someone like that. Besides…she told me that I was the first girl that she's been with." I whispered that last part, but Leinani still overheard it.
"I'm just telling you my honest opinion. For what it's worth, I don't see Kyah as the type of person that goes after the mean girl. Still, you have to admit that their relationship seemed intimate in nature."
"Well…" I found it difficult to refute her. Leinani normally had great insight. I knew it. But I didn't want to believe it this time. Kyah wasn't Greg. She was Kyah. I could trust Kyah, right?
"Listen, do what you feel is right. I can't stop you. It's not my job to stop you. I'm just offering an unfavorable opinion. That opinion is that you need to take a step back from Kyah and get your shit together. You just broke up with that piece of shit, Greg. Then you immediately go ape shit over another person. This time, it is a girl. You've never before been into girls. Nevertheless, you are completely infatuated with this one. I think that means you are likely avoiding your feelings of loneliness by attaching yourself to the first person you found interesting."
I had to admit that what she said sounded an awful lot like me. Maybe she was right. Maybe I did move on too soon. But that doesn't lessen the validity of my feelings for Kyah. I know it is hard to believe, but my feelings for Kyah came from the purest part of my heart. I wasn't replacing my loneliness with her affection. I sought after her because I wanted to be with HER. It was truly that simple.
Leinani smiled. "It seems like you've made a decision. Care to share it?"
I thought a little longer. "Yeah. I'm going to trust Kyah. No matter what. I'm going to believe that what she is doing is the right thing. That is what my heart is telling me. Besides, that's the only way that I know how to live. I want to follow my sense of integrity."
Her smile didn't falter. "Good for you. Let's get you some tea and then we'll head to bed."
I watched her head into the kitchen with a smile on my face. That was just like her. She says a few words to force me into a corner, making me come to realize my true feelings. There was no one like Leinani.
❬Kyah still hasn't texted. She's probably fucking that blonde slut senseless by now.❭
I shook my head. No. I wouldn't fall for this taunt. I'd made my decision and there was no turning back from it.
In love, you have to be brave. I've already prepared myself to give up everything to be with Kyah—my life here, my job, my friends, my family. I'd sacrifice everything to be with her. How could my feelings be so shallow now? It was a minor bump in the road. That was all. What was I worried about?
I've already agreed to help her once and jumped into the jaws of the lion with both eyes opened. Now I was acting pathetic because I didn't get the answer that I wanted from her. Kyah didn't want me to follow her, stating that there were things about her that I didn't know. That was fine. I was sure that if I stayed by her side, I'd learn everything that I needed to know.
All that I needed right now was to be with her. Everything else would work itself out. And if at some point, her feelings for me change, then I'll deal with it then. The only thing that my fear of the future is doing right now is ruining my present. I didn't have the time to waste on despair. I needed to spend it with Kyah.
Beep!
My phone chimed in my pocket. I pulled it out and smiled.
"Feeling better?" Leinani had come back with a couple of cups of tea. She handed me one. It was nice and hot, with just a splash of milk. Just like I liked it.
"I am. Thanks. I appreciate you listening and talking to me."
"Anytime. So, why are you smiling like a kid on Christmas morning?"
I slid my phone back into my pocket. "I just got a message from Kyah."
"Yeah? What did she say?"
"She said that she's sorry about our interruption. She said that Professor Andromeda was right and all of her classes are canceled tomorrow. She wants to spend the day with me and asked me to come over sometime in the morning. She also sent me this picture of her and well…ahem! Let's just say it was tempting."
Leinani's eyebrow twitched but her smile didn't falter. "Well, I guess we know what you're going to be doing tomorrow."
"Yeah. I can't wait to spend the day with her. Since we're leaving soon, I don't want to waste another moment."
"Good for you, Rhea. Now drink your tea so we can go to bed. It's late."
"Kay!"
As the half-moon shined brightly through our blinds, I enjoyed tea with my best friend. Having her on my side made all the difference. Without her, I'd still be lost. I loved Leinani. I don't know what I'd do without her.
Trust. That was the decision I'd come to. It was a simple concept but in practice, it can be quite difficult. To trust someone is to constantly show your back to that person. If they wanted, they could stab you in the back and you'd have no idea it was coming. It was definitely a dangerous thing—Trust. But I decided to believe in her and silence my doubts.
I wonder what tomorrow will bring.