Now, I want to spend more time with my new family. So, I invited them to the river bank venue which is one of the main venues of the night's festive.
We joined two kids who were playing badminton. Zeb seems to enjoy while Amon. Never mind Amon. He is like a dead kid. He just came along and is not interested in anything.
It was a relief that they were real. I thought that when I stepped out of my apartment. I will be surprised because I am the only one who can see them like I am having delusions that I have two imaginary friends.
I want to see them enjoy themselves like a guardian of two adopted kids. I'm glad that I declined the lover's offer. It will be troublesome and restrictive to have it between me and Zeb.
"You don't want to go there and have fun?" I asked Amon who was standing beside me. I climbed on the upperscape which allowed me to see the whole scenery of the place and Amon was just tailing me like he is my bodyguard.
He returns the question. "Why don't you go instead? Aren't you treating us like kids?" He uttered. As expected of this brat he is mean, direct, and blunt however those things make him outstanding.
He however hit the main point of what I am doing.
"Stop acting stupid, old woman," he said breaking my relaxed mood.
"If you are not happy to be here why did you bring us to this place." He stated.
I was stunned. Am I that obvious?
I made sure that I kept my phase perfect all this time.
"I want to spend time with the two of you just to relieve stress. I'm sorry if you find it boring" I said expressing my disappointment.
"Trying to hide it again?" He said.
I looked at him and from that moment I had a hunch, that this brat, even how mean, blunt, and offensive he may be, he can see through me.
He knew what I needed. He knows that he can do the assisting but he gave me someone who can. We are having fun this whole time but he knows that there is something off.
He told me that he is not a human but a tool. Do tools read and console human emotions?
Our deal is to make him cry.
It means it's possible.
"If you can no longer hold what you are feeling inside. Don't deny it. Express it without sounding pathetic." he said.
I burst out in laughter.
He is my mean little boy.
If I'll have the chance to have a baby boy I think I would love to have one like him. His attitude is way off but his personality is strong.
I reach for his hoodie and try to fix it covering his face more. "You're hopelessly mean," I said.
I felt guilty convincing them to wear a hoodie in this hot country.
"... You," I said. He looked straight at me wanting to hear it again.
"Thank you" I repeat and continue, "for coming to my life and helping me," I said. "You are a big help to a sick middle-aged woman like me," I added.
"Scared of dying?" He replied.
"Hmm," I intervene, correcting. "Not really scared of dying but I am more afraid of being helpless," I said
I reach on his face caressing it with my thumb.
Somehow I thought. 'I'm glad he doesn't pull away or shove me away as he always does'.
"This is a place where we go for a morning exercise routine when I was little. We usually came here with my dad. There's no denying it he has heart symptoms" I said.
"Don't worry. It's not a young girl's problem. I think everything just sums up together and I miss being a kid.... or I'm afraid that I can't rely on anyone." I said as I lifted my chin closing my eyes and feeling the uncomfortable sensation that comes from nowhere.
"It's like watching the future coming ahead without you getting equipt and ready. I feel overwhelmed." I jest.
He kept his silence phase listening to the words I was speaking. I suppose.
"Hey? Can you grant me one wish?" I said, playing shrewd.
"Can you make my family complete again even for just a moment?" I said however not raising any expectation that he would agree.
I know he'll decline.
He can make fictional, real. Just like Zebediah.
I release a sigh when he just turns around and leaves me hanging, waiting for his answer.
I'm expecting his response but no response is somehow disappointing and it feels lacking in a way although it is also an answer in a different form. I slowly watched him leave step by step away from me.
At least I thanked him properly.
But I can't stop my tears shedding from me.
I know I have passed the quarter-life crisis already. Am I having an adulting crisis? Does such a thing exist?
Maybe... since I'm dying. I am more anxious now. Anxious about the things I have to do, I need to have and I will be leaving.
I wiped away my tears and fixed myself looking away and at the same time feeling a certain stare.
I looked to where it was coming from and saw Zeb giving me a serious stare.
He always bares a gentle and joyful facial expression when he is looking at me but why this time does he have that gaze?
What does that mean?
I smiled at him and waved.
That evening when we return every night routine is done. I was surprised to hear a certain knocking on my door.
It was Zeb.
I opened the door to meet him. As usual, he has his gentle expression but this time he is bearing a sad smile.
"Is there any.." I was not able to finish my sentence when he leaned forward and stooped for an embrace.
Is he consoling me? Maybe he thought that I was upset?
What if I'm wrong? If I ask I make it a little awkward.
So I just placed my hands on his back returning his gesture and I tapped his back a little to give him comfort to whatever is he worrying about.
He is leaning on my shoulder. I think it's a hilarious thing to see. For a 6-footer guy to lean to a 5-footer woman.