I try to open my eyes, everything is blurry. The light is too much for my eyes. It feels like I have been in a deep slumber. I stroll my eyes and meet white walls. I am on a bed, with drips on me. Oh, Lord! I am in the hospital. A glimpse of the accidents replays in my head. I wince at the thought of what happened.
A nurse comes in and he brightens up as he sees me.
"You are finally awake!" He walks towards me. I glance at him confused. "You have been out for two days. I know it feels strange like you just woke up. Don't worry, everything is fine. You are fine..." His words fade as he scrolls the file he has on hand.
"Give me a second Miss Bama, I will be back" He hurriedly walks out of the room.
I try to push my body upright, it feels heavy. I glance at myself I see small scars, there's no pain, so I am assuming that I didn't suffer an injury. Then why was I out for two days? Where's Musa? I try to get off the bed but the drip in my hand is tied with the bed.
"Ouch!" I wince at the pain and the frustration that I am unable to leave this bed and search for Musa.
I lay back against my pillows and gaze at the view outside through the window. All I could hear was horns of cars and few people talking loudly in the hospital, I bet it's nurses.
The door opens and the nurse appears holding my file in his hand. His smile now is faint, that seems worrisome.
"Great news, you are getting discharged today...I mean you might get discharged tomorrow after the Doctor has done a check-up" He let out a friendly smile while removing the drip on me.
"Why was I out for two days?" I ask agitated of not knowing the known.
"Ah, you were in a coma because you had suffered an internal bleed..."
"I am okay now right? I won't die?" I ask rubbing my sweaty hands on my sheets.
"Yes, yes, you are okay. We monitored your situation and today the doctor will confirm everything after check-up" He glanced at me with friendly eyes while filing something on the form.
"You can talk, you can see me right?" He asks me sceptical still glued on the form.
"Yes" I answered impatiently, I want to ask him about Musa.
"Did feel anything when I took out the drip?" He glances up at me.
"Yes," I glare at him with pursed lips.
"You want to ask something?" He glances at me because he can see my restlessness.
"Yes, where's Musa?" I ask awkwardly shying away from his gaze.
"Left for home this morning" He goes back to his paper.
"So the other news...you are three weeks pregnant" He glances at me with a faint smile. "Congrats!' He purse his lips as he could see my face dropping in disappointment.
" How long?" I ask again
"Three weeks...They are options available" He talks
"Really?" I ask eagerly, anything to get out of this situation.
"These options both involve your parents..." He grins realising my annoyance.
I plop my body on the body. "Yes..." I urge him to continue talking.
"Keep the baby or abort. But so far the baby is fine. If you keeping the baby, we can open a file for you on that part, if it's the second option, we have to confirm if it's safe for you to do abortion this week" He stands upright. "Take your time. I will be your nurse for the day, just ask for me and I will be there" He smiles and walks out.
This is not how I foresaw myself. I sigh feeling dejected.
The door opens and I see Mr Kim and mom walking in together. Mom's face transformed from gloomy to happy face. She power walked to my bed, putting the handbag on the bed next to my feet. She is grinning.
"Baby you are awake! I am so happy" She clasps my hands on hers. "Kim, she is awake, can you believe it? Oh, thank God" She moves her glances between me and Mr Kim with a cheerful smile.
I just glance at her with a smile, I can't disturb her moment of happiness. She must have been worried sick about me, so the least I can do is to let her savour this moment before I deliver bad news to her. I don't even know how I will tell her this news. I maintain my smile up until I see tears starting to form in her eyes.
"Mom..." I hail at her with a mellow voice.
"It's nothing baby. I am just happy. I can't believe I almost lost you. You are my life" She sniffles.
I gaze at her then slowly glance at Mr Kim who was glancing at mom with an understanding gaze. I deflect my gaze to mom.
"Isn't Mr Kim supposed to be your life?" I ask playfully with a smile on my face. She nudges my leg softly.
"What the hell is wrong with you?" They chuckle.
"I am glad you are awake and seem healthy and doing fine. We have been worried" Mr Kim finally speaks with a low and mellow voice.
I nod my head showing understanding to his words. I have to talk about pregnancy. Argh! What bad timing, mom is pregnant and I am pregnant. This is bad.
"Did they say anything about leaving the hospital, I am tired of always being here? I don't love the smell, it gets to me. You know, hospitals have that smell..." She glances up at Mr Kim who was still standing not sitting on the bench next to him.
"The doctor will confirm that...after checkup" I answer her to ease her anxiety.
"When? I want to take you home, so I can cook for you, pamper you" She tears a warm grin.
"Mom...arent you pregnant? You should rest. Mr Kim will do that for us" I smile at him. I am trying my best to get involved in this conversation.
"Yes, I agree with you Deya. I will show off my cooking skills to you guys..." He smiles warmly.
"Tsk! Whatever!" She smiles.
This is the moment, I tell them now. I open my mouth but the door opens and disturb me. I plop my shoulders. That was a perfect moment, why did someone have to come and ruin it?
"Morning..." The doctor walks up to us with the nurse who was in earlier. "Oh she is awake" His words were kind, but his face was grim.
"Yes...she is. Can she leave today?" Mom asks eagerly, she is so impatient. I think these trips to visit me in the hospital have put her on edge and perhaps triggered her because I can sense she doesn't want to come any more days.
"Let's see about that" He pages my file and glances at me and then the nurse. " Did you check her sensory reactions?"
"Yes, I did not detect any malfunctioning and her vitals are in a good state" He speaks confidently to the nurse.
"I see...there's also, oh okay" He purses his lips and give me eye contact and I purse my lips showing my acknowledgement of what he just saw. "The nurse told you everything?"
"Yes he did" I swallow hard
"Is she good to go?" Mom chips in again, she is so impatient.
"Yes, but she must come back for a check-up next week. To ensure that everything is still alright. The nurse will walk you through the discharging process. Enjoy your freedom, wisely" He pursed his lips and walk out. Does he think a pursing lip is a smile?
"Can I get a moment? " I glance at the nurse.
"Yeah, sure, I will be back after 5 minutes" He strides his way out of the room.
"Okay, you are scaring little girl, what is that needs a moment of privacy for?" She lets out a weak smile. She does seem nervous.
"I am not sick and I can walk, don't think about that" I glance at the view through the window, avoiding her gaze. I can't glance at her. I feel like a disappointment right now. I did exactly what she was afraid of.
"Okay..." Her gaze was piercing at me.
"Mom..."
"If it's about the relationship you have with Musa, I accept it. Kim talked sense to me, and also what happened opened my eyes. You are what matters to me" Her voice was sweet, motherly and it caressed my bleeding heart. My heart breaks for her.
"I am pregnant, three weeks. I have to decide whether I keep it or abort it" Hot tears flush down my cheeks.
The room became silent. She is shocked. I would be shocked too if I was in her shoes. This is not how I foresaw my life to unravel.