It had been a few minutes of just sitting like that, in each other's arms with no one around to judge us or interrupt us or just plain give a damn. My whole world turned upside down at that very moment. My life would never be the same after this night. Never. My life could never go back to the way it once had been, without Mike, like this. The more I told myself that I couldn't have him, the more I wanted to fight for him. My heart was aching even more than it had already been for the last year. The last few years. I wanted to silence the pain but I knew that was asking too much. Not just of Mike but also of everyone. Especially Jess. She was the one who was his official girlfriend, and I couldn't just take him away from her like some common whore. I couldn't do that to her, no matter how bad my heart wanted him. My brain told me 'no', firmly, 'you can not do that to Jess. You just have to be patient and see what happens'.
'The way he's holding you now suggests that he feels some type of way for you but as to what type or what combination of types of love he feels is the mystery that you just have to wait to find out' but I didn't want to just sit and wait for the mystery to be revealed!
I wanted to figure it out and question! Poke and prod until I got the answers I wanted!
But I didn't say a word.
Not while he held me. Not when he pulled away. Not when he stood up. Not when he held out his hands to help me up. Not even when he had gotten me to my feet.
I never said a word.
All I did was smile thankfully for his protection. His attention. His affection. His heroic deeds.
It was all I could do to keep from turning these good things around and causing him to lose this new way of treating me, loving me. I always knew he loved me from a safe distance away with Philia and Pragma, and maybe a hint of Storge but I never expected to feel Eros radiating off his body. I was going to cherish this night for the rest of my life, and I wouldn't take things from my friends for granted, I wouldn't take my friends themselves for granted. I was going to appreciate everything and anything, even if I had to seem like the overseeing responsible mother figure to them all.
If that's what I had to do to keep my friends close to my heart, then by the grace of God, I would be the responsible mother of the group for the rest of my life. If I hurt any of them, especially Mike, I would never forgive myself and I could never show my face in Beachcastle City ever again. I had to be stronger than I've ever been not just to survive this night of terror but to survive the rest of my life.
But in that moment of standing in silence, staring at each other with my thankful, reserved smile and his confused yet loving gaze in return, I knew that it was going to be the hardest thing I had ever done. Not just for me, but Mike as well. Tonight had been a roller coaster of emotions for us both, and I could feel his emotions raging inside his heart for me and Jess.
I sighed forlornly, placing a hand on his bicep, smiling apologetically as I gently caressed his jacket sleeve for only a moment before removing my hand from him entirely. I knew if I touched him for too long, I would make an irrational decision and ruin what we had created tonight. I couldn't do that to us, I just could not.
"Shall we get a move on?" I asked of him, my voice was soft and loving.
Mike aimed to open his mouth to reply to me, his thoughts betraying the stoic expression he tried so hard to maintain, "yeah," he finally spoke, and he sounded so defeated and so tired, "yeah, we should," he looked down to the ground a moment before moving to grab my backpack and lead the way, his back to me.
I frowned at his back, leaving my winter coat behind. Hot tears threatening to pool in my eyes. I just hoped that this was the right thing to do at this time because if it turned out that not kissing him and telling him how I felt was what I should've done, I swore that I would kill myself. "Yeah, we should," I murmured to myself as I slowly began to walk behind him, following in his exact footsteps.
We moved in silence. Unable to even look at each other. I lagged behind him as he took long strides ahead of me. I was frowning and holding back tears the entire trek out of the mines.
Finally, we reached the exit. Finally, we were back outside. In the cold winter wind and white snow. I had forgotten how beautiful the snow was and how cool the breeze felt against my cheeks as it kissed my skin and sent shivers down my spine. I couldn't help but to smile and close my eyes in a moment of pure happiness, but that moment was fleeting, and it passed into the night like dreams in the world of imagination.
I opened my eyes to see Mike, staring at me with a small smile upon his face. It seemed as if my moment of happiness had made him smile, and I couldn't help but smile in return, blushing lightly.
His smile turned to a smirk before he gestured for me to follow, closely. We still needed to get back to the lodge, it was a long way back, and more Wendigos could be lurking, waiting for us to make one wrong move and pounce. That would be game over for us, it would be our doom. I merely nodded my head in response to him, small talk would be our friend until fate decided to change things for us.
We moved quickly but carefully down the mountain to the lodge, where everyone was waiting for us. Well, everyone but Jess and Matt but I felt their heartbeats, so I knew that they were alive, somewhere up here on this mountain. I just prayed that they would survive the night and make it back to Beachcastle City safely.
Finally, Mike and I reached the lodge. We both looked up to see Sam, struggling to open the door, calling for someone to let her inside. We looked at each other and smiled guiltily. We were going to scare her, even when we knew it wrong but we just couldn't help it. I would apologize later, it would be an apology from both of us.