I woke up screaming. Where am I? Where's Frank? I thrashed against the strong arms holding my shivering body.
Freddy yelled my name, bringing me out of the distorted vision of fear.
"Lola, stop thrashing! It was just a dream, you're safe now! I've got you. You're safe,"
My breathing was heavy as I looked about at my surroundings. Room. Hospital. The smell of anesthetic.
"Thank you, Freddy,"
"No problem. What was it about this time?"
"You don't even want to know,"
We ate breakfast and waited for me to be discharged. Eventually we left against medical advice. We were going to a safehouse in New Zealand to regroup and rest until we developed a new plan to infiltrate Mirage. Frank kept me company at the airport as Jeff and Freddy left to get everything ready for the flight. He didn't say anything for a long time until I told him about my dream, leaving out certain parts.
"Hmm- that's really interesting. Do you think it means anything?"
"I'm not a mystic, Frank. I believe in tangible facts, not dreamed up fantasies,"
"It's said that sometimes you dream about things that you don't want to face in real life. Your subconscious creates a situation in your brain where you have to face it, often resulting in a nightmare," He was smiling at me the way he did in my dream. It was unnerving. "They're fun sometimes, and terrifying other times. Sometimes you're the victim and sometimes you're the culprit," He shrugged in indifference, "It's all a game,"
"What do you mean?" His face changed and his smile was gone. In its place was an ugly scowl.
"I mean that our dreams, and our lives since our dreams are sometimes reflections of our lives, are all a game. Sometimes you're winning and sometimes you're losing and it all depends on how well you play the game, and how much power you gain by stomping on your competitors,"
I thought about this for a while, feeling conflicted.
"I don't agree. The way to winning at life is to be successful by being selfless and helping other people, as cliché as it sounds,"
"No, that's the way to win followers," Frank's gaze traveled to the ticket desk where Freddy and Jeff had finally made it to the front of the line. "Every game needs its pawns, and people will be more tolerable to your using them if you first do a kind act for them. Humans are relatively simple in that way,"
"Perhaps, but it can't all be about stomping on your competitors and using people,"
He turned to face me, "Can't it? The top is an envied position in the ladder of power, and being nice to everyone hasn't helped anyone get to the top so far. You either crush anyone in your path, or you work behind the scenes manipulating people to get a higher spot. It's almost always one or the other," Jeff and Freddy started to walk towards us. "By the way," Frank's hand slithered into mine, "I've been feeling rather lonely lately. Just something to think about," And with that he let my hand drop.
"Got our tickets! Let's go," Freddy helps me out of my seat and puts an arm over my shoulder. "We'll catch up," He tells the others, than says in a hushed voice, "Do I sense a romance between you and Frank?" His eyebrows went up, expecting me to answer.
"Yes. Although I'm not convinced it's a good idea. Also, who asked you?" I gave him a playful shove.
"No one. But I've seen the way you two interact. There's definitely chemistry there."
"Yeah, well-"
"However, " He stroked his chin in a very wise way, "If you aren't convinced that you really want to be involved with him..." He paused and scrunched up his face.
"What?"
"What the hell are you doing acting all ninth-grade, star-crossed lovers? It's silly," I thought about this for a moment. Was I really acting like that?
"I never said that I didn't want a relationship with him. I just said that-"
"You aren't convinced. Got it,"
"Let's go, or we're going to miss our plane,"
~*~
"So, this is New Zealand." Frank took a breath of fresh air.
"I thought there would be more sheep." Freddy joked as he unloaded the bags.
Frank came over to me.
"Cozy little place, eh? Quiet, secluded. I wouldn't mind spending a holiday here,"
"That sounds nice."
"Yes." His whisper was almost inaudible. His nose brushed mine as he stooped to my height to kiss me. Everything about him was thrilling.
"Whoa! My eyes! Get a room, will ya?" Our heads turn towards Freddy's voice. Frank gives him a crippling frown.
"Sorry. I'll just put Lola's bags in her bedroom." He turned to go, then stopped, "Would you guys like me to put both your bags in her room?" He gave us a suggestive eyebrow raise and left laughing.
Frank turned to me and smirked. "He's got a point, you know?"
"Oh, shut up."
"Honestly though, you have to give me something to work with,"
"I have," I make him let go of me and enter the house.
"Not nearly enough. A few kisses and satisfied sighs aren't much," He followed me into the house and then into my room where I began to sort through my clothes.
"You haven't asked for much more,"
"I shouldn't need to ask. You should just know what I want," Frank was starting to get more agitated.
"It's not as if we're a couple," I said as I put some of my clothes into the dresser.
"I never said we are. But you get my point don't you? You told me to convince you this is a good idea. How can I do that if you never give me an opportunity?"
"Let's cut to the chase, okay?" I face him with my arms crossed. "I don't want a relationship, even a fling, with an operative that I'm working with. It's just not a good idea,"
"Is that you speaking or your moralistic ideals?" He laid on the bed on his back, his hands underneath his head.
"What's the difference?"
He scoffed. "What you want isn't the same thing as what is right. I think you do want me, that's just nature. I have an affect on you, and you'd be lying if you said I don't."
'You have no idea what you do to me,' I said to myself. "Can you say anything without being arrogant?"
He laughed. "Arrogant? I'm just stating facts, sweetheart." He grinned at me, "Facts that you seem to be ignoring,"
"I'm not ignoring anything-"
"Yes you are," He interrupts. Frank paused for a moment, his face grave. Then he smiled with genuine humor. "It doesn't even really matter, does it? Nothing does in the end. It all seems like a dream sometimes. A nightmare that we hope to end, one way or another. Don't you agree, sweetheart?"
This notion of his scared me. I could sense his need for control over me, the way he was trying to manipulate my emotions and thoughts. I need to get away from him, but I can't.
"I don't agree at all. I think that every life matters and that we should make the most of the time given,"
"You and your old-fashioned, dead values," He laughed. "I can't wait to see what you do when you realize that the world isn't so cut and dry,"
His implication that I was uneducated in the ways of the world was starting to get on my nerves.
"Perhaps I do know, but prefer to be optimistic,"
"Optimism is just an illusion that people use to divert the shocks of everyday life. It's a sign of weakness and the inability to take the brunt of life's problems," He stopped just as Jeff opened the door and poked his head in.
"What are you guys up to?" Jeff said as Freddy pushed his way past the door and into the room.
"If you two lovebirds are done arguing, supper's ready. We're having Cheetos and Kraft dinner,"
"Delicious! We've got to eat healthy if we want to stay sharp," Frank lifted himself off the bed and chuckled at his own joke. "We'll talk later, okay?" He whispered to me as he walked past.
'We definitely will,' I thought.
Jeff stared at me. "Lovebirds?"