They say that we are tied to our destiny by red strings of fate that we cannot see. These threads are thought to tie us together with our soul mate, and that may be true. But I believe destiny is more complicated than that. After all, what about after we find that soul mate? Surely our fate is not limited to simply finding them. Surely there is more that comes after, new threads tying us to new fateful encounters and events that eventually lead us to our destined end. When I started to ponder over such things, that's when I had the dream for the first time. One that I now see every time I close my eyes.
I'm standing alone in a black void. Not that it's dark; if I look up, I have to squint to keep the light from blinding me. But when I look around, there's nothing but an empty black space with no beginning and no end. Eventually I pick a direction and start walking. If I keep moving in one direction, I'm sure to find something, right? Eventually I feel a tug pulling me toward a certain direction, as if someone tied a string to my heart and is pulling it toward them. So I let myself be pulled and I start to see a thread so thin it was invisible when the light wasn't on it just right. I take up the thread with my hands and follow it, my heart beating faster and my pace quickening along with it as I continue, growing more and more desperate to reach its end. There's something... no, someone waiting for me.
Finally, I see something against the black. A figure, the blurry image of a person. Someone I should know. Someone I've always known. My heart pounds so loud that it's all I can hear, even as I shout the person's name. So loud I can't hear the name I called.
I start to run.
The figure doesn't move, and I start to get closer, but before they can become clear in my vision they stop getting closer. I run faster, but no matter what I do, it's as if I'm running in place. Even so, I see a light glisten off the person's cheek, a single tear falling to the ground, making the black void ripple as if it fell into water. When the ripples reach me, the ground gives way and I start falling. My voice shouts out the person's name again, so loud it hurts my throat, but I still cannot hear it. Reaching out desperately toward that person, I keep calling to them, and I see them reach their own hand out toward mine. But it's no use; the distance between us is too great, and growing larger. The thread gleams in the light as it goes taut, and then...
Snap!
The string goes limp and starts falling along with me, and I watch the other half of it hanging there growing farther and farther away along with the person it's attached to. Glistening orbs of water fly up from my face, and I realize that I'm crying. As the person fades from view, my fall slows and now I am sinking. I clutch my chest as unbearable pain clenches my heart, and I feel a burning in my lungs when I try to breathe. Then I hit the bottom and my eyes fly open, and I'm panting desperately in my bed, wide awake in my tangled up bedsheets, heart still pounding, and the only thought in my head is...
WHERE IS HE?!
But who? Who is 'he'? Somehow I know he is the person from the dream. But that is all I know. And how can I find someone whose identity I don't know?
When I wake from the dream, I can never get back to sleep, so I wipe the tears from my face and try to ignore the ache in my chest as I get up and walk into my bathroom, ignoring the chaotic mess I've made of my bed. My black hair with silver tips is always a ragged mess when I look at myself in the mirror, and my teal eyes are red and puffy from crying. Ignoring that, I reach up to trace the dark circles under my right eye. Ever since I started having this recurring nightmare, I haven't been able to get a good night's rest, and it's really starting to show. Sighing, I turn on the faucet and splash the cold water onto my face, washing away what remains of my tears.
If only I could at least get a clear look at the person's face in my dreams. Then I'd at least have somewhere to start. But instead all I can do is go about my life as usual and pray I'll know him when I see him. If I see him, that is. He may just be a figment of my imagination for all I know.
All I do know is that things changed when I started having that dream. From the first time I awoke from it, I've felt like something's missing. Something important. Like I'm forgetting something I should never ever forget. And I just know it has to be that mystery person. I must know him somehow. I must have... forgotten him. And just thinking that makes my heart ache. Before I know it I'm clenching the cloth of my shirt over my heart. Why won't my heart settle down? I'm usually so calm and collected, but whenever I have that dream or start thinking about what it could mean and who that person is I feel so restless. Is this desperation? Anxiety? If so, it's dreadful. This is going to start negatively impacting my life if it keeps up. Oh, who am I kidding; it already is.
I turn off the faucet and slap my cheeks, hoping to jerk those gloomy thoughts out of my head. There are more important things I should be focusing on! Like my little sister, for example.
"KAAAAAAAAAAAAD! YOU AWAAAAAAAAAKE?"
Speak of the devil. I dry my face and walk back into my room, pausing before getting dressed to respond.
"Yeah, Star! I'm up!" And you don't have to be so loud at --I peer at the clock on my bedside table-- 6 in the morning. Huh, what's Star doing up so early? I brush the thought aside as I put my clothes on and return to my bathroom to brush my hair. A moment or so later, I hear footsteps approaching my room and the bedroom door is thrown open as my sister barges in.
"You're lucky I was already dressed before you came in," I mutter without looking at her.
"Eww," Star crinkles her nose and sticks out her tongue. "But hey, I haven't walked in on you yet!"
"Yet," I emphasize, raising a dubious eyebrow.
"Oh, come on, Kad. Forget that already and make some breakfast."
"Well someone's demanding today," I say, setting down my brush and turning to face her, arms crossed.
"Uh, I mean. Please make breakfast," she replies sheepishly. Looking more closely at her, I can see a hint of darkness below her caramel brown eyes.
"Huh. Did you have a nightmare?" I mutter the question out loud without really thinking about it. It would explain what she was doing up so early.
"What?!" Star stiffens up. "H-how did you--? I mean, no! Of course not! I mean, I had a weird dream, I guess... but it wasn't scary!"
"Huh. Do you remember what it was about?" I ask as I start walking towards the door.
"Well, it's kinda fuzzy, but... I feel like, maybe I lost somebody?" Star answers as she follows me to the kitchen. I can't help but freeze at her answer.
'Like she lost somebody...' I think to myself. 'It sounds a lot like my own dream...'
"Are you okay, big bro?" Star's voice stirs me from my thoughts. I look at her and give her a reassuring smile.
"Yes, I'm fine," I say with a smile. "I was just wondering who that person could have been, for you to dream about losing them."
"Kad..." Star looks like she wants to say something, but stops herself and shakes her head. "Yeah, I wonder..."
I never would have imagined that our peaceful life would change that day. That nothing would ever be the same. Our whole world...
...Would start crumbling down.