"Dear diary, hi, it's me again. Lucy. Well, I'm doing fine, like really fine. I go for my regular therapy, I take my meds, I'm at my best at the moment, to be very honest. I know it's been a while, but I'm just so happy. I haven't made any entries, well, since the rape incident, not to talk of how my parents put me to abort the baby. Then the stigma, from HIV. Everyone stopped coming close to me, their attitudes changed. My friends, relatives, even my parents' changed towards me. I don't hate them, but really they've damaged me a lot, with their stereotypical idea. But, I've done lots healing, maybe. And yeah, it's been a long time. Not to pull myself down with any negative talks, I am super excited. Well, you know if I'm this happy, it's a guy...I met a guy! Anwar fucking Aslan from work. My days! He is perfection. And he's so fine, come on. I'm sure all the ladies close their thighs when he's around. God knows I do, lol. He's chill, you can see focus and maturity written all over. We'll have cute babies, oh, my, God. His voice, it's like the voice of Big Brother, then his accent, British. An ideal example of thirst trap. Well, aside the fact that I obviously want him inches deep inside of me. I want him, with me, forever. Silly me, yes I know. But I bet you'd want the same. Imagine making babies with that mountain of a stud, oh my....
Anyways, guess who is going out on a date with Anwar. *Rolls eyes, me of course. I know you be thinking, 'this bitch gon' get her ass played again'. I know, we still bitter about Chris. But we shouldn't let the wrong decisions of one man affect the rest of the men. Oh! That reminds me. Joe has already been harassing him. He told him to stay away from me. Good Lord, Joe. Joe is always gonna be Joe. And Lucy, no Lu. Anwar calls Lu so perfectly, Lu is gonna be Lu. Oh God, I hope I'm not obsessed about him already. Dairy, what if he doesn't like me? What if he plays me? Oh, I'm really scared. My family has become more aporophobic, since the Chris incident. Joe, is more of a classist. He believes that, in this country, if you're not up there with the rich, you're at the bottom with the poor. No middle class. I don't want any problems, I really don't. I know Joe will continue oppressing Anwar. Especially if we get involved. But, I hope, it'll only get better. But first, my date comes first. See you soon, diary."
I was in Lucy's room, cold, quiet, with her scent still lingering everywhere, as if she just went out. It was tidy, but most of her stuff were collected into boxes, and I happened to find her diary with I went through. So, Lucy's diary has so much, so much I would never had known if I hadn't scrambled through her stuff. Lucy,so free spirited. She had so much expectations for that son of a..., I couldn't imagine. And I can't believe my sister saw me as a classist. After all that happened, after all I had been doing for her. Her own family. Aporophobic? What the hell does it even mean?. I checked the meaning up my phone, then I flipped open the diary, skipped through some unnecessary chattering words, and continued reading.
"Dear diary, I had a great night! I'm so happy. I don't like going through stuff, but this, I can repeat on and on, over and over again. Tonight was L-I-T. First date with Anwar...". I stopped. No, there's no way I'm gonna read that, no. With all the hope she had, he murdered her. I should've killed him since the very beginning. I got really mad. I thought of all the times I could have done something about his presence. If only I dispatched him earlier. Whatever misunderstanding they had at the party, it must have been the reason he killed her. My small hesitation, has caused me my sister. The more I thought of it, the angrier I got. The fact that she was good person. She was too kind, easily trusts, and with the way of the world, easily betrayed. Lucy saw the good in everyone. But the fact remains, not everyone deserves the podium, not everyone is good.
I recalled when we were little kids, she was so carefree. In school, all she did was play around, oblivious to many things, but still, played all the same. One day, I was in class, it was during lunchtime. I was with my friends, having conversations before going for lunch. Then a female classmate of mine, who was by the entrance of my class, alerted me.
"Joe! Look at your sister!", she said. I quickly stood up, looked at where my sister would come from. Then I saw her, standing in the hallway, by the window. I rushed out, my senses weren't clear cut. I went out of my class, made a quick turn, and went straight to her. She stood there, sobbing softly, with her hands covering her face. I bent down, held her two hands down so I'd see her face.
"Hey Lucy, what's wrong? Eh?", I said to her. But, she only shook her head, then removed her hands from my hold. I knew it was someone, not something, that troubled her. And for some reason, I got this crazy impulse, out of anger, I guess. I went out, my breathes deepened as I moved, till I got to the playground. I went to where the seesaw was, knowing it was her favorite. I saw some kids there, playing on the seesaw. So I went to the boy that was first from my direction, then I pulled him down. I didn't really care how he fell, all I did was look at his face and yell.
"What did you do to Lucy?!", I shouted at him.
"Nothing. I didn't do anything", he said. He was really frightened. Well, it was only natural. A prey in front of it's predator. The predator was me, me was the predator.
"It was not me, it was him", the boy said pointing at the other boy on the seesaw. Then I turned to the boy. When our eyes met, I don't know what he saw in my eyes, but I saw panic in his eyes. He jumped off the seesaw, and started running. I immediately followed, no hesitation. He can't get away after making Lucy cry. He'll get a beating, then explain to me where he got the audacity.
As I chased after him, he ran to a tree and hid behind it. A dumb move, but instinctive from any prey. Cornered, I went to him, held his shirt, and pulled him up. Out of nowhere a big rock came swinging right at me. I wasn't expecting him to, not at all. The sound of the rock, hit my skull echoed in my head. I felt woozy. As I start to sink to the floor grasping my throbbing head in pain, I start to see colorful and black spots slowly block my vision until it is totally dark. I wake up in by bed gasping. I sit up too fast. Then I remember what happened and why my head hurt like I was knocked out. Oh, that's right! I was! Ow. My hand and head and my entire pillow is streaked with blood. There is a bandage around my head. I still feel woozy. I look around and my mum was there. She quickly held me by my arms and gently pushed me down, to rest as she called for the nurses. I laid back, and the woozy feel engulfed me, and I passed out again.
From that day, I learnt a lot. I learnt to be stronger and remorseless, just to be able to protect Lucy. I can't be weak, and be her hero, no. To be there for her, whenever I was needed, do what was necessary, no matter how drastic. Just for her well-being. I was ready to do anything, my life was readily on the line. But come to think of it, what life am I putting on the line? The life I couldn't save?. I asked and thought to myself. I was feeling really terrible, I'm actually thinking, if I called her name, remorseful enough, she'll answer, she'll come back to us. Lucy isn't gone, she'd never leave, I know. Despite the fact that she rebelled against her family since teenage. I know Lucy, she had dreams. She wanted to live a full life. But, Anwar, he's going to rot in prison.
I got back to her stuff, and continued to go through the stuff. I came across a box, picked it up, and then scrutinized it. I figured it was locked, so I checked around, checked in the boxes of stuff. I saw a stack of keys, so I picked them up, and began trying them on the box's lock. After tries, I got the box open. I saw objects; rings, cards, and then I poured the rest of the content of the box out. I noticed an envelope fall out, so I picked it up. I looked at it, had "selfish douchebag" written on it. I opened it, and I saw our pictures. From when we were toddlers till we were grown ups. Seeing her, her smile, all the memories kept on flashing. But then, the tag on the envelope, it made me feel so terrible. I felt so weak, I dropped myself on the floor, with the pictures from the envelope too. Feeling so bad, I wanted to cry, but I just couldn't. How my sister lost so much regard for me. I was probably overprotective. She probably hated me. Many other negative thoughts engulfed my mind. Nonetheless, I got up to leave, I cleared the stuff I scattered, put them back into place. As I was about to leave, I remembered the envelope and pictures on the floor, so I picked them up. Behind one of the pictures, I saw "hero without a cape", and a heart symbol inscribed on it with a blue marker. I just stared at it, I was happy, really happy. The fact that I remained her "hero without a cape". But when I remembered Lucy was dead. And I couldn't do anything. A tear dropped on the back of the hand holding the picture. All that ran through my head, was my sister.
Just then, I got a call from the detective, which I didn't hesitate to pick, because I was expecting a positive feed on the treacherous murderer of Lucy, Anwar.
"Hello, detective", I said.
"Joe, how are you doing?", he asked.
"I'm fine, what's going on?", I asked.
"I'd like you to come down as soon as possible, can you do that?", he said.
"Yeah, I can", I said.
"Okay see you soon", he said, then ended the call.