LILY
I couldn't concentrate all day.
I still went through the motions, though. I taught my classes, read some essays, drew up some new lesson plans I'd been procrastinating on. Physically I was kicking ass. But mentally?
Mentally I was hardly there.
Hunter's last words had haunted me all day. "That's not what we want." So what exactly did they want? Because apparently, they all wanted something.
I tried keeping as busy as possible, but constantly checking the time only made the day drag on. I left town for a few errands. Hit some traffic on the way back. Returning to campus, I was relieved to see it was finally five-thirty.
Relieved, but also frightened.
Ultimately I decided to rise above my fear. When you boiled it all down, I hadn't done anything egregiously wrong. Some heavy flirting, some harmless kissing… and hey, it wasn't like I was trying to pit any of the guys against each other.
At six o'clock I burst through the door, stormed into the kitchen, and dropped my bag on the counter. The guys were already there, already seated. Drinking beer from the bottle. Laughing with each other and joking around.
"Okay," I said loudly. "Out with it."
They looked at me, then at each other. An entire conversation passed silently between them, one that I was fiercely jealous I wasn't a part of.
"Sit down Lil," Colin said. "Let's eat first."
"No," I countered. "I can't eat. I can't even think. I can't do anything until you tell me what it is that all you want."
They stared at each other some more, then nodded to Hunter. Apparently he was taking the lead.
"What we want," he said simply, "is you."
My mouth opened, then immediately closed. It was the last fucking thing I expected.
"Me?"
"Yes," said Hunter. "You're gorgeous. Intelligent. Sexy and fun. You're every guy's dream girl, and individually, we've all wanted you. We have since the day you moved in."
Brandon twisted the top off a fresh beer and handed it to me. I took it mechanically, without even looking.
"The problem is there's only one of you. And if any one of us dated you, the other two would always resent it. The jealousy would drive us crazy, especially with you living here. And yet…"
"And yet we can't not date you either," Brandon added. "We talked about this all last night. We imagined leaving you alone, and then having to hear about you dating someone else." He wrinkled his nose. "Watching you bring guys back here, right under our noses. Listening to you screwing around in your bedroom, with some new boyfriend…"
Their admissions were unbelievable. Totally surreal. And yet for all the talking, I still didn't know what they wanted.
"We realize now we made our pact not for your benefit, but for ours. We wanted to keep ourselves sane. Rather than looking out for your interests, each of us wanted to prevent the others from getting you."
"Which is totally unfair," said Colin. "To you… or to us."
"Not to mention the pact failed anyway," Brandon said, a little reluctantly.
I looked down at the hand I was using to hold my beer. It was shaking. Tipping it back to my lips, I drained half the bottle out of sheer nervousness.
"So let me get this straight," I said, finally finding my voice. "None of you can date me, because the others will be jealous."
"Right."
"And you don't want me dating anyone else, because then you would all be jealous."
"Exactly."
"And you don't want me to move out…" I continued hesitantly, "because you care about me too much. Right?"
"Correct."
I let out a short, barking laugh that might've come off a little maniacal. "So what the hell do you guys want?"
Hunter looked me straight in the eye, and his next words set a whole flock of butterflies fluttering through my stomach.
"We want to share you."
Share me…
My head felt suddenly heavy, and there was a rising heat in the pit of my stomach. Now I did want to sit down.
"Share me?"
"Yes," Hunter confirmed, as I took a chair. "We want to date you, all three of us." He shrugged, as if he were explaining the simplest thing in the world. "In short, you'd be our girlfriend."
"Share me…" I said the words again. This time it was a little easier to wrap my tongue around them. "You mean like polyamory?"
"Polyandry actually," said Colin. "A closed relationship, rather than open. Which is—"
"Look, I don't know exactly what to call it," Hunter cut him off. "I hate labels. But yeah, whatever the term is. You'd be with all of us, and we'd be with you."
I tried to keep on breathing. With my lungs collapsing in on themselves, it was hard.
"You want me to have a relationship with all of you…"
Brandon smiled and leaned back in his chair. He crossed his arms. "Why not?"
Why not… why not…
I could think of a thousand reasons why not. Or at least, that's what I told myself. Oddly enough, none of them came to immediately to mind. Until—
"Well for one, I would be too selfish," I said. "Because "Sooo…" I said. "What happens next?
I was only half joking. The other half of me that was serious was any of you to be with anyone else."
"Wow," Brandon whistled. "That is selfish." Hunter jabbed him in the arm, and he almost fell over. "Just kidding," he said, rubbing his bicep.
"Really?" I asked.
"Yeah, we kinda get it," said Hunter. "None of us would want you being with another guy either, right?"
The other two guys shook their heads. They all staring at me now. The three of them.
"So… you'd really consider that?" I found myself asking. "A three-on-one, exclusive relationship?"
"Sure," said Hunter. "But on one condition."
The heat that began in my abdomen was spreading inevitably downward. My voice cracked.
"W—What's that?"
"If none of us are going to be with anybody else," said Hunter, "you'll have to take really good care of us."
It took me a second or two to realize what he actually meant by that. I gulped.
"As in really,really good care of us," winked Brandon.
His statement was punctuated by a sudden silence. They were waiting on some kind of answer.
"Of course I would."
The words left my mouth without permission. I couldn't believe I'd said them. It was unfathomable, that I was even considering this! And yet…
And yet at the same time, I knew I wanted it more than anything I'd ever wanted in my entire life.
"I think what my frat-brother means," Colin added, "is that you'll be called upon for three times as much sex as you would in a normal relationship."
"Or more," Brandon offered quickly. "Because why be normal?"
Hunter nodded quickly. "Fuck normal," he agreed.
The three of them… together. Three impossibly strong, incredibly gorgeous boyfriends.
All of them, with you.
"Think you could handle that?" Hunter was saying. "Satisfying the three of us?"
Satisfying them.
"I— I could try," I croaked.
Three of them…
Simultaneously.
By now my heart was pounding straight out of my chest. Brandon took my empty bottle and thrust something else into my hand — a cold glass of water.
"You really want to do this?" I said, suddenly hopeful. "None of you will be jealous?"
Once again the guys glanced at each other, but only briefly.
"I think the jealousy comes in notbeing able to have you," said Hunter. "Sharing you between us… that's entirely different."
"Actually," added Colin. "We all find the idea of it pretty hot."
The other two nodded. Apparently, they'd really talked this out.
"Besides, there's nothing to be jealous of. We're all like brothers, here. We'd be sharing you with each other, not with anyone else. No jealousy there."
"And you'll get three times the attention," Brandon said with a nudge. "Three times… everything."
I was sweating now. Or at least it felt that way. The heat spreading through my loins had an electric edge to it that made all the hairs stand up on the back of my neck.
Could it work?
Fuck if I knew. But every ounce of me — mind, body, and soul — was dying to try.
"Of course," Hunter finished, "none of this happens unless you want it. Because if it's not something you're—"
"I want it."
Their eyes lit up. Their expressions, filled with passion and eagerness and longing, sealed the deal for me.
"You do?"
"Yes," I repeated. "I want it — all of it. All of you."
My soul soared. Whatever was about to happen, I knew it would be amazing. Filled with incredible times, laughter, happiness and respect and love.
And of course… the wildest, most exotic sex I could've never even imagined.
"I want each of you," I told them. "I want to call you my boyfriends… to have the three of you, all to myself." I smiled broadly, and they grinned right back. "And as your loving girlfriend, for you to have only me."
The room fell abruptly silent at the magnitude of what we'd just agreed upon. We sat around the table, staring at each other, each of us lost in our own nefarious thoughts.
"Sooo…" I said. "What happens next? Do you strip me down? Pounce on me, like a pride of wild lions?"
I was only half joking. The other half of me that was serious was excited and nervous… even more so than the night I'd lost my virginity.
"Not just yet," laughed Colin. "See, we made one last pact you don't know about."
"Oh?"
Hunter nodded. "We promised each other that no matter what your answer, we'd leave you alone for tonight. Give you some breathing room. Some time to process."
"Ah," I said. "The proverbial head start."
Everyone laughed now, including me. Albeit nervously.
"We're still lions though," Brandon said. "So we'll sniff you out."
The laughter broke all the tension in the room. Things were instantly back to the way they were before; casual and fun. Four happy souls who shared a house, a bathroom, and very soon, our beds with each other.
I scooted my chair closer to the table and picked up my fork.
"Now," I said, breathing a long but excited sigh of relief. "Can we finally eat?"