The cute, lesser known café just five minutes from Natsu's apartment was simply perfect for breakfast for the two of them. He had only been in there less than a handful of times, but each time he loved it. As soon as they were seated, Natsu broke the small silence that had been lingering since they entered the tiny place. The only other customers other than them were three ladies, office workers judging by their attire, and an old man sitting reading a newspaper at the table beside them.
"So, tell me" Natsu began, as they waited for the water to return with their menus, "what have you been up to these past few years?"
Hideaki leaned forward a little, resting his hand under his chin as his eyes met Natsu's.
"Well, I attend Tokyo University. English Literature. I -" he was stopped short by the waiter returning and placing the menus down on the table in front of them.
"Thank you" they both said in unison, watching him walk away.
"Continue" Natsu said, opening his menu and looking at the breakfasts.
"I work part-time for now at my father's publishing company, Hirata Publishers."
"Wow, really?" Natsu gasped.
"Yeah" Hideaki smiled proudly, though his smile faded slightly as he opened up his menu "though, honestly, it's not where I want to be for the long haul."
"Hm? What do you mean?" Natsu asked him.
"I want to be a writer, not an editor" Hideaki explained "but I'm struggling to write a story that I'm really happy with, you know?"
Natsu nodded, a small smile forming on his lips "ah, yeah. I remember you used to write stories in high school. It's nice to know you didn't lose your hobby."
Hideaki seemed surprised. "Oh? You remembered?"
"I do. I remember one time you were being bullied because you were writing in class and some guy saw you, snatched it off you and started reading it out loud to the whole class."
Hideaki chuckled quietly, almost nervously. "Ah, yes. Of course. I remember that. Then I told Akinari, and he told you immediately and you defended me. Did you ever find out what I had been writing about?"
"Nah. He was about to tell me and I punched him in the face" Natsu laughed. Hideaki laughed, too, seemingly relieved.
"Ah."
"Why? Was I supposed to know?"
"Oh, no, no!" Hideaki chuckled "not at all, it was something private."
His eyes then returned to the menu as he scanned it. "I like pancakes so I may have those. How about you, Natsu?"
Natsu's eyes had been on a sandwich, but they lit up at the mention of pancakes. "Mmm! I'll have those, too. For sure."
"Awesome!" Hideaki beamed. The waiter returned just then, whipping out a small, black notebook. "May I take your orders?"
"We'll both have the pancakes. Oh, and I'll have a coffee. What will you have, Natsu?"
"Tea for me, please" Natsu said, handing the waiter the menu. He took both of them from the men.
"It'll be about fifteen minutes. Is that okay?"
"Perfect" they both nodded, then he left them alone once more.
"Enough about me, anyway. What have you been doing?"
"I never attended university or anything like that" Natsu confessed.
"What? Really?" Hideaki blinked.
"Why so surprised?" Natsu asked, raising a brow.
"No, it's just I remember how you used to say you wanted to study but you weren't sure what."
"Ah, yeah" Natsu chuckled "I guess I never figured it out."
Hideaki nodded, "so what do you do then?"
"I'm a host."
"A host?!" Hideaki seemed surprised.
"Yeah" Natsu sighed "it was the only place I could get hired, so."
"Heh, well - I guess it suits you a lot. You're a good-looking guy, after all."
The waiter arrived with their coffee, setting it down on the table.
"Oh? Do you think so?" Natsu chuckled. Hideaki waited until the waiter left before he replied.
"Mhm! Everyone in high school used to be crazy about your looks. I used to know one person in particular who liked you a lot more than the others, for genuine reasons."
"You did?" Natsu blinked with surprise. He had never told him that!
"Yes. This person told me they honestly were in love with you, but they couldn't exactly tell you for personal reasons. All the girls used to be saying you were truly the most handsome guy in the school, and all the boys would say that your beauty was fleeting, and that by the time you were twenty-five – you would be ugly. I knew it was nonsense!"
Hideaki chuckled. Wow, he really went to school with some jerks.
"Who was it?" Natsu asked. Hideaki hesitated.
"Does that matter now?"
"Kind of. Well, not necessarily, I am just curious. Besides, it was a long time ago and I doubt you are still in contact with this girl, so it's not like she will ever know you told me."
"I never said it was a girl." Hideaki said, taking a sip of his coffee. Natsu raised both brows.
"Wait - it was a dude?���
"Yeah. That's why I never told you about it, it would have been embarrassing for him to be turned down by you."
"That's funny" Natsu laughed.
"Why?" Hideaki asked, pouting slightly.
"You just presumed I was straight. Isn't that like, kind of mean?" Natsu joked.
"I-I" Hideaki was flustered, covering his face with his hands, "I'm sorry!"
"I'm kidding, Hideaki" Natsu laughed again, "I'm not straight, for the record."
"You're not?" the younger male gasped, uncovering one eye "so what are you, then?"
"I'm what people like to call – bisexual" Natsu admitted, "though I usually like guys more than girls, but I struggle to approach them. Or anyone, really. I just sleep with people who approach me. That just so happens to be women, most of the time."
"Oh" Hideaki nodded, "I see. Makes sense. You're bisexual, with a male lean."
"How about you?" Natsu asked, catching him off guard.
"I-me?" Hideaki blinked.
"No,I'm talking to the old dude beside us – obviously you!" Natsu laughed.
"'Well, I - I guess I'm gay."
"Judging by how you just said that, I'm going to presume not many people know that about you?" Natsu suggested, taking a sip of his tea.
"Only ex-boyfriends know, of course, and you just now. Nobody else knows."
"No one at all?!" Natsu exclaimed.
"N-no."
"Why not? Or is that too personal?"
"No, it's not. I guess it just never came up."
Natsu wasn't sure how to reply to that. It was an obvious lie. Though he presumed it was too personal, so he dropped the topic.
"Anyway, are you going to tell me who the guy was?" he asked Hideaki, who shook his head almost immediately.
"Maybe someday. Right here and right now is a little too soon."
"Oh" Natsu nodded "that's okay." Honestly, he didn't understand what the big deal was, but again - he dropped the subject.
"Thank you for always coming to see Akinari's grave" he said.
"Hm? Oh, yeah. Well, he was my best friend. Life without him was tough for so long, but I managed to get through it. I know he would want everyone to be happy."
"Happy?" Natsu asked, "what does it mean to be 'happy'?"
Hideaki seemed confused. He thought about it for a moment, then shook his head.
"I guess, it means something different to everyone. Like, to me, I'm just happy that I'm living and that I have a good job. You know?"
"No" Natsu shook his head "I don't."
"Is something the matter?" Hideaki asked, tilting his head to the side.
"I have to go" Natsu suddenly announced, standing up and dropping some money onto the table "tell them I'm sorry for leaving. You can have my food if you like."
"N-Natsu? Did I say something wrong?" Hideaki asked sadly, "If I did, I truly am sorry."
"Goodbye, Hideaki" he said, shrugging off his question. Hideaki stood up and watched him leave. Natsu didn't even look back once.
Happiness. What exactly did happiness mean to him? How come everyone around him seemed to know what their happiness was, yet he did not? He walked along the bustling streets until he reached the train station, and before long, he was home. Alone. In his empty apartment. Well, it wasn't empty of course. It was filled with furniture, yet it felt empty. He couldn't quite describe it, though it was like he was the only thing in it. Without much thought, he reached into his fridge and pulled out a can of beer, guzzling it down quickly. He was going to get drunk, and then he was going to head out and find someone to fuck.
He took a seat on the couch, switching on the TV as he gulped down his second can of beer, his mind drifting back to Hideaki. He seemed sad as he had watched him leave. It's not like Natsu intended to hurt him, but he didn't want to get too close to anybody. Everyone leaves eventually, right? He knew he was being stupid, after all – he had asked his brother to send him somebody, and he had, and he had left him in the cafe alone.
"I'm an idiot" he chuckled to himself, rolling his eyes as he finished the second can. Tonight, he would make all his pain go away by getting drunk and having sex - after all, it was the only way he knew how.