She cocked her head in a gesture that reminded him of a bird as she eyed him with consternation. "Why you sleeping on the ground out here, Mr. Boy Human? The Simi don't think this is a safe thing to do. Comfortable either. Someone might think you dead and steal something or they could kill you.
Maybe not if they think you dead already, but then again, people do weird things all the time—like killing dead people even though they're dead. Is that overkill or is that just dumb? Never mind. So you should probably get up soon and not sleep here. Did you lose your bed? Or are you one of them special people who don't have a bed but sleep outside instead? Some of them can be real nice. Some even offer the Simi drinks, but akri says I can't have any 'cause it'll give me indigestion. Not like rubber does, but worse. So says akri." She had a strange singsongy voice that was endearing and adorable.
But it made understanding her a little difficult, especially with the headache he had. "What?" Nick asked.
She let out a long-suffering sigh. "You one of them humans can't follow Simi speak. That's okay. This why the Simi don't bother talking to most humans 'cause, no offense, you all weird. Some of you even stupid. Real stupid. Like stump stupid. It's the lack of hornays, I say. See, only really smart creatures have hornays ... except for them moo moo cows —they not bright. But akri says there's always an exception to every rule. So they would be the exception to the hornayone. But they taste really good so the Simi will forgive them for bringing down her bell curve of superior intellect over all the other nonhorned subspecies."
She narrowed her eyes on his head. "Hmmm, I bet you'd be really cute with hornays. Not that you're not cute right now, but you're a bit young. You're only what? Four in human years? Oh wait, that's wrong, isn't it? You ninety?"
Was she serious? "Fourteen."
"Oh." She put the tip of her finger to her lips as she considered something. "I wouldn't have guessed that. Still, you're young. So can the Simi help you find a place to sleep that's not dangerous? My akri can help if we need him to. He always does."
Nick shook his head. "Who are you?" What planet are you from? Obviously Planet Insanity was missing a local, long-term resident.
She held her lace-covered hand out to him. "I am the Simi, and who are you, Mr. Boy Human?"
He shook her hand carefully in case her lunacy was catching. "Nick."
Letting go of him, she picked at the edge of his sling. "You gots a wound, don't you? Did you have that before you went to sleep on the street?"
"Uh, yeah." Nick pushed himself up and Simi sprang to her feet beside him.
Dang, she was tall. At least six feet. Of course some of that was augmented by the platform boots.
Frowning, she leaned forward and touched his neck. "You bleeding, Mr. Nick. Are you supposed to do that?"
Nick brushed her hand away so that he could feel a cut there. He tried to remember what'd happened, but for his life he had no memory of it. The last thing he remembered was leaving Caleb and heading toward Bourbon. "Is it bad?"
"The Simi wouldn't suggest being around no Daimon with that 'cause they might be hungry and it look mighty tempting to drain your blood out and feast on your soul, but it not gushing or anything. I think you'll live." She paused again as if thinking about it. "Yeah, that's right. People only die when it gushes and don't stop. If you don't live though and drop dead from it, can the Simi eat you? Akri says the Simi can't eat no living people, but he never said no about them newly dead people. Maybe that's why he don't let me near them fresh dead. But—"
"What are you talking about?" Nick interrupted her. "Are you for real?"
She blinked innocently. "What you mean?" Biting her lip, she looked at her hand. "The Simi's not turning invisible again, is she? Ooo, that would be bad. I promised akri I wouldn't do that no more in public places. But sometimes the Simi can't help it. Kind of like putting barbecue sauce on salads. It's just mandatory and reflexive 'cause you gots to kill the taste of the ick rabbit food."
Nick stepped away from her. She was nuts with a capital N. Was there any female left in New Orleans under the age of twenty who hadn't lost her mind?
Kody...
Yeah, he definitely needed a Kody shot rightabout now.
He cleared his throat as he looked at Simi. "No, you're not turning invisible and I'm sure I'm late so I better get going...."
She stepped in front of him to stop his leaving. "Did you hear that sound?"
"What sound?"
"Zombies! They're coming for us. Wheee! Yum!"
Ian St. James was alone in his big brother Madaug's room. He wasn't supposed to be in here. Ever. Under penalty of severe mutilation and much shouting by their parents. But Madaug always had the coolest games, which he refused to share with his little brother. The big poop head.
What he doesnt knowwont get my arm frogged. ... Yeah, Madaug had run out the door hours ago and he didn't seem to be coming back anytime soon. Which gave Ian plenty of time to sneak on Madaug's computer and play his brother's latest creation: Pokemon Death Trap Fever. His brother had taken all the characters from Pokemon and merged them with the ones from Mortal Kombat. Like Charizard now had acid spit and could rip the spine out of other characters while laughing at them. It was a bloodbath death match that would leave their mother fainting if she ever knew.
But what she didn't know wouldn't get Ian grounded.
Grinning, he booted up, then cringed at Madaug's stinky manga wallpaper that bordered on hentai ... another thing their mother would die over. The cartoon girl had so little clothing on she might as well be na**d. And the way she had her leg lifted up, kicking ... he gagged.
Ew!
"I just don't get it." Ian put his hand up to block the view of the girl as he went into the menu to find the games. His brother kept telling him that he'd get it in a few years, along with hair in weird places and body odor. Honestly, Ian liked being ten and had no desire to grow up and smell, especially if it meant smelling like Madaug.
He shivered at the thought as he read through the games. He paused as one in particular caught his eye.
"Zombie Hunter?"
Madaug hadn't told him about this one. Oooo, it sounded good. Double clicking on it, he waited for it to load. Rubbing his hands together, he giggled, knowing he was getting away with something that would really anger his brother if Madaug ever found out about it.
And Ian loved getting away with things he wasn't supposed to be in.
Suddenly, he heard a sound outside the door.
Ian jumped, terrified it was Madaug coming in to discover him in his room on his computer. I'm dead. I'm dead. I'm dead. His brother would beat him until he screamed like a girl.
Killing the power to the computer, he shot from the desk. His heart hammering, he went to the door and opened it.
It wasn't Madaug.
It was some tall and scary guy he'd never seen before. His eyes were bloodshot and swollen as he glared down at Ian. "Brains," he growled.
Ian rolled his eyes. Puh-lease. What was it with teenagers that they thought something that stupid would intimidate the big kids? "I'm not a baby. You can't scare me with that stuff." He lifted his chin defiantly.
Until the guy grabbed him and bit him in the shoulder.
Screaming out, Ian did what his mom had always told him to do whenever a guy, not one of his brothers, grabbed him. He hit him in the nuts as hard as he could.
The zombie staggered back, but he was still in the doorway, blocking him from leaving.
Panic swelled as lan's lips trembled. I'm so sorry I'm in your room, Madaug. Ill never come into it again unless you tell me to. I swear....
That was, as long as the zombie didn't eat his brains.
Ian ran to Madaug's desk, looking for a weapon. Dang it, his geekified brother didn't even have a trophy to bash the zombie in the head with. All he had was a half-eaten ham sandwich, a Yoda bobblehead, an empty can of Dr Pepper, potato chip crumbs, a greasy two-day-old pizza box, a bunch of CDs, and a glasses case. All of that was worthless.
Think, Ian, think....
The zombie grabbed him again.
Ian picked up the only thing he could reach.
A pencil.
Not just for doing homework.... They were good for all kinds of things. Resetting his Nintendo, undoing knots in his shoes, getting stuff out from under his fingernails, drawing on the wall....
And stabbing zombies.
"liiiyaaa!" he shouted as he stabbed it into the zombie's arm as hard as he could. The zombie screamed.
Like a frightened jackrabbit, Ian squatted between his legs and ran for the stairs. "Mom!" he called as he scrambled for safety. Luckily, he was used to running for his life from his two older brothers whose tempers and kill-the-little-brother mindsets made the zombie look like a girl.
"Mom!" he yelled again as he entered the kitchen and rounded the island where she stood, making dinner. "Help! A zombie's after me!"
She let out a frustrated breath as he grabbed her about the waist. "What in the world is wrong with you, Boo?"
Ian tried to explain but before he could get more than a handful of words out, the zombie was in the kitchen, glaring at him.
The pencil was still protruding from his forearm as he growled. lan's mom scowled at the teenager. "Danny? What are you doing here? How did you get into the house? I didn't hear the door."
"He's trying to eat our brains, Mom."
She tsked down at him. "Ian, don't be ridiculous. Danny goes to church with us. Don't you know him?"
"No." He would remember if he'd ever seen a zombie at church. The limping and groaning tended to stand out.
His mom turned back to Danny. "Are you here for a donation? I heard your youth group was—" Danny grabbed lan's mom and bit heron the head. She screamed.
"Don't you hurt my mama!" Ian ran at him with the whole of his weight, driving him back a few steps and causing him to let go of his mom. Ian clamped down on Danny's leg and bit him until he tasted blood.
No one attacks my mama!
Danny cried like a baby while lan's mom picked up the pan where she'd been making biscuits.
She bashed Danny's head repeatedly with the pan, forcing him away from them. "Get behind me, Ian."
For once, Ian did as she told him.
She backed away from Danny, toward the front door.
Ian was feeling pretty good about their escape until he turned around.
There were more zombies on the front porch and they all looked hungry....
Caleb's heart skipped a beat as he flew in as a raven and saw Nick and some unknown female completely surrounded by zombies while trying to fight them off. Malachai's going to kill me____
Because from his vantage point, it looked like the zombies were getting the better of them. Nick was covered in blood from various bite wounds while the female seemed to be doing a better job at keeping them off her.
Summoning his powers, Caleb sent a mental wave to the zombies to disperse them.
They didn't listen. If anything, it made them even more aggressive against Nick.
"What the crap?"
As a demon, one of their first learned powers was to be able to control the dead. It was the lesson Nick was supposed to be learning right now.
But Caleb's powers were useless against the zombies.
How could this be? It didn't make sense. Not that it had to make sense to thoroughly tick him off.
And then he realized why he couldn't control them.
They weren't dead. These zombies had been made from the living. The living he could possess or influence, but he couldn't control them without their cooperation.
Growling in frustration, Caleb flew toward the street, into the shadows, where he took human form. The demon in him wanted to blast the zombies into oblivion. But that would blow his cover and he'd already learned the hard way three years ago that his powers didn't work on Nick.
If he exposed his powers and Nick saw them, there was no way to undo it. He'd be screwed and Nick would never trust him again. Of course, he could try the clumsy and inexact human method of memory loss by bashing Nick on the head.
It might work.
Or it might give him a concussion. Worse, it might kill him.
And since Caleb's survival hinged on his ... best not to chance it.
So instead, he rushed into the alley to help them, then drew up fast as he realized the girl with Nick wasn't a girl after all. She was a demon, too.
A Charonte demon, to be precise.
Oh Dusseldorf, this was getting complicated. He shielded his powers immediately. The problem with the Charonte, they were highly territorial and didn't tolerate other demons in their domain. Ever. To them, if you weren't Charonte, you were garbage, and all garbage should be eaten. Literally. Slowly and with relish—or, more often than not, with barbecue sauce.
Since the Charonte were one of the most powerful branches of demon, it served him best to stay off her radar.
And menu.
But why she was with Nick and not attacking him, he had no idea. Charonte didn't normally associate with anyone unless, as previously noted, they were on the menu.
"Nick!" Caleb shouted as one of the zombies went for Nick's neck. "Behind you!"
Nick turned around as he heard Caleb's shout to see Brett Guidry, one of his classmates, coming at his back. Grateful Caleb had returned, he indicated Brett with his chin. "We've got to get these guys to Bubba's. Anyone got a clue how to do it?"
Simi looked at him. "They gotta be breathing?"
"Yes," Nick and Caleb said in unison.