After Ichiro told me about his past, I felt a lot closer to him. I also felt a little uneasy about our future together. He said he hated me and that he didn't want to fall in love again. How am I supposed to win him over?
I looked down at his work. He was a pretty fast learner. It was hard to believe that his efforts before weren't helping. He put his pen down and looked up at me "Wanna finish up for the day?"
I nodded and started packing everything up, thinking once again. He looked at me and knelt down next to me. He put his hand on mine and I turned to him. He smiled and rubbed my earlobe "Something wrong, beautiful?". I looked at his lips and then up to his eyes. He smirked and pulled out my hair tie. My locks fell down beside my ears. He started playing with my hair. With each brush of his hand, he moved closer until I could feel his hot breath on my ear "I'm starting to get the feeling that there's something you want from me"
I blushed as I heard his deep voice in my ear. He licked my neck and nibbled on it in a few areas. He picked me up and continued nibbling as he carried me to his bed.
It was that feeling I had become accustomed to. It was exciting. Butterflies that turned to euphoria. When it came to this he had me wrapped around his finger. He had me wrapped around it regardless.
His hands slid up my shirt and removed it completely. He placed his mouth on mine for a short kiss. He trailed kissed down my body until he got to my nipples. He licked around them and licked down my stomach.
Each of his movements was slow, making me want him more and more by the minute. He was a professional, and he knew it. Perhaps it was the sexy vibe he gave off mixed with his equally sexy look. Or maybe it was how long he had been having sex and wanted to make people need him but whatever it was, it was working.
I wondered. If he's this good at sex then would he be even better at making love? In my opinion, it depends on who you are when it comes to your views on 'making love'. Some people just see it as another word for sex. I'd say that people who sleep around most of the time would say that making love is different from sex. Sex to them is just two people who bump into each other and fuck. Making love is more about being close to someone you're in love with. It's slow. Not rushed and you wake up next to them and feel like staring into their eyes.
I knew that I was having sex with Ichiro. He would never make love to me. I would never find out if he's better at it than sex. But, deep down, I hoped we would. I hoped we could. I hoped we should. But the thoughts of maybe we wouldn't, maybe we couldn't, maybe we shouldn't would always linger inside me.
Voices screaming inside my head telling me I'm not good enough. How could he ever want me? I'm getting in over my head. I was a nobody before and I still am now. In the end, he just brought me here to torture me. A breathing fleshlight and once he's put his dick inside me a few times he'll get bored and throw me away.
Before I knew it, the things I thought about got to me and tears fell down my cheeks. I covered my face. I didn't want to look pathetic.
To my surprise, Ichiro placed his hands on mine and wiped away my tears. He didn't look happy. He was upset that I was upset. It was shocking to see such a cold person heat up a few degrees.
I sniffled and he lay next to me, soothingly stroking my hair. He smiled and said "Hey, Mika. What's it like to have someone who really loves you?"
I frowned and looked down "I don't really know" I replied. I looked back up at him and said ", but I hope we'll find out soon"
I fell asleep, resting my head on his chest.
Life wasn't perfect. I knew that much. But just being next to him comforted me and put my worries to rest, as his touch always did. At first, it was just a small crush for a poor reason. At that point, you think of thousands of different fairy tale endings. Twists and turns included of course since 'the course of true love never did run smooth'. Finally, in the end, you live happily ever after.
There are only two ways to wake up from that fantasy. The realization that your love was just a phase and getting over it, or understanding that what you feel is more than love and that it's going to take a lot more to make them feel the same.
I have already come to that understanding. The fairy tale endings were truly only bittersweet. But, being free from my naive way of life. Knowing why my heart pounds gently against my chest. Understanding that he's the reason my cheeks become a vibrant, red sunset for only his eyes to see.
Sadly, questions would still flood my head. Was this right? Me falling for the very man who traumatized person after person. Attempting to cure his pain with the pain that oozed from the ones he hurts. Would his cruel disposition rub off on me? Would it infect me like poison running through my veins? In all honesty, I'm already living a better life than I did before. It wouldn't be so bad to have such a character. Nobody would bully me. Nobody constantly disparaging me day after day. He's given me that freedom. For that, I owe him more than my life is worth. So whether I have to pay with the distortion of my constitution is not for me to decide, but for Ichiro.
Or maybe...I could change him. I taught him how to read and write, who says I can't teach him how to love? I'll turn him into a better person and then he just might fall in love with me. No more hatred. No more anger.
Is this what a true fairy tale feels like?