Soleil P.O.V
I sat in the car as I dropped Nova off, it was quiet the whole ride. I held my face in my hands. 'How stupid are you? She is dating someone, how could you act in such a manner?' I felt angry, selfish, and disgusting. 'Why am I crying? Why do you do this to yourself?' I let out soft sobs, 'Do you even have the right to cry? You knew she had a boyfriend, she was happy!' My thoughts yell at me. "How dumb…" Said through sobs. "Why are you so selfish?" I asked, "How can you be so selfish when you don't have the right" I grabbed at my arms. "Why the hell are you still the same?!" I yelled soon going quiet after, all you could I the soft tears fall on the wheel. It took an hour to get home, I walked slowly to my door, opening it. "Soleil where have you-" He stopped when we made eye contact. He went from mad to worried, worried, "Have you been crying..?" He spoke softly to me, he is always soft to me when I'm upset, he's scared of saying the wrong thing. I walked over to him, collapsing in his arms, grabbing onto him. "I'm pathetic" I looked up at him, "I'm so dumb" I could feel myself crying again. "Why am I selfish, Elian? I really want to know what gives me the right to be this way?" He hugged me tightly "Your not selfish, your just human" He told me, "You didn't nothing wrong"
"You have no idea how many wrong moves I have made" I spoke quietly, grabbing onto him. "I'm scared…" Elian looked at me confused, "What are you scared of?"
"I'm scared of her...I'm scared of my actions. I'm scared of what she sees in me, what if this is all wrong? What if I'm wrong?" I couldn't stand my thoughts. "What if she doesn't love me? I mean how can she, I have done horrible things to her because I thought I was in love because I wanted something so bad…!" I yelled I hate everything about me, how can I even say I like her even say I love her. "Elian I hate being selfish" I started crying again. "I don't want to be me, this me is awful!" I sobbed, "Why is it so scary? Why am so scared of living?"
He just held me and let me cry my little heart out, This is pathetic of me, really pathetic. I'm not that ten year I can't cry my problems away, I can't run..Why couldn't I have never met her? Why did she have to be nice to me, comfort me? Why couldn't she hate me?
"Don't you think it's weird..?" I looked up at him with teary eyes, "What?"
"You know, meeting her again after all these years," He told with a small smile, wiping my tears away. "As if it was fate" I felt tired from his words, leaning my head against his chest. "How can you say that?" But they made me angry, "It's much nicer to think of it that way, don't you think?"
"Why does fate hurt so much?" I asked softly, "Well, what did you expect, especially when it's something so complicated." I closed my eyes and felt too tired to keep them open. I fell asleep in his arms. "Good night, Soleil"