DEMI'S POV
It's already been a week without my baby girl and everything is definitely not the same without her. My family and closest friends have been my biggest support system this week and I wouldn't know what I would do without them. I'm currently in the bathroom at my parent's house getting ready for Alex's funeral, which my parents and Wilmer helped me set up. I never thought I would have to arrange my own daughter's funeral, but you'll never know what life throws at you. My Lovatics are extremely worried that I haven't posted anything in a week. I know I'll have to tell them eventually, I just don't know when. I sighed as I walked out of the bathroom and went downstairs to the kitchen where everyone else was. I pulled out my phone, going onto Instagram.
"Good morning, Hermosa." Wilmer came into the kitchen and kissed my cheek.
"Morning." I simply replied. I found a photo of Alex and I from when she was younger and decided to post it.
@ddlovato: It's time I tell you all what has been going on within the past week. My daughter, Alex, passed away last Tuesday at 7:38 PM. I'll be going live to tell you all everything at some point. I love all of you and I can't believe I had to write this. Keep my family in your prayers. 💞
"How are you feeling, Dems?" Maddie asked as she put her phone down.
"Same as usual." I answered. I still feel like I could've prevented all of this somehow, but I didn't. I looked at the time and we had to be at the funeral home in an hour. "I can't believe I'm going to have to bury my own child.." I whispered.
"Everything is going to be okay.." Dallas told me.
"She's right. It's going to take awhile, but eventually it will be." Mom spoke up.
"I don't know.." I replied as I played with the rings on my fingers. We sat in silence for a moment before I decided to speak up. "I guess we should get going now.." I spoke quietly. They all nodded as a reply. I made sure I had everything and I saw Alex's phone in my purse. I completely forgot I grabbed it.
We all walked out the door, Wilmer and I taking his car while my family took theirs. I got in the passenger side and pulled out Alex's phone. I typed in her phone password, which was still my birthday. Just like how my phone password is her birthday. I scrolled through all the messages she has gotten in the past month or so, and all of them were telling her to go kill herself and lose weight. Most of the messages were from Trevor.
"What are you looking at, babe?" Wilmer asked, putting his hand on my knee as we stopped at a red light.
"Her messages.. so many people were telling her to kill herself and lose weight. Most of the messages are from Trevor." I sighed heavily.
"You know, we could probably sue his family." Wilmer stated.
"We can?" I questioned, raising an eyebrow.
"Yes, we can. If he's the main cause of it, which he is." Wilmer replied. I nodded as I turned off Alex's phone.
"I'll call our lawyer later this week." I told Wilmer. On our way to the funeral home, we passed a house that was throwing a birthday party for a little girl.
- FLASHBACK -
"Happy birthday, baby girl!" I exclaimed as my now ten year old daughter bounded down the steps wearing a long sleeve shirt that was white with black stars on it and black leggings.
"Thank you, Mama." Alex smiled, even if it was a tired smile.
"I can't believe that my baby is ten." I smiled as I put a stack of pancakes with whipped cream and chocolate chips on top in front of her. She always requests that for her birthday ever since she could talk. "You need to stop growing up."
"Mama, can I ask you a question?" Alex asked, looking up from her breakfast.
"Ask away." I smiled at her before I continued putting the dishes away.
"H-How old were you when you first harmed yourself?" She stuttered. I froze in place, thinking of worst case scenarios on why my ten year old daughter would consider asking that question.
"I was eleven.." I quietly answered. "Why do you ask?" I questioned.
"N-No reason." Alex quickly replied with a stutter. I noticed she was playing with her sleeves.
"Did you harm yourself?" I asked as I went over to her. Alex looked down, not answering my question. I grabbed one of Alex's arms and rolled up her sleeves, which revealed fresh cuts on her arm. I covered my mouth as I let out a gasp. My baby harmed herself...
"I-I'm sorry.." Alex whimpered. I immediately pulled her into my embrace and she clung onto me.
"Why, baby girl?" I asked as I rubbed her back.
"I.. I thought it would help stop the voices." She whispered. I never thought my daughter would turn into a younger me, but she did. I wiped away some of my own tears, hoping she didn't see them.
"Next time you feel the way you did.. come to me. Okay?" I spoke soothingly as I rocked us back and forth.
- FLASHBACK OVER -
That was the first time Alex harmed herself.. on her tenth birthday.
"We're here." Wilmer spoke, breaking me from my thoughts. I got out of the car, seeing some familiar faces and some I don't recognize. I know my parents invited the family portion while I invited friends.
"Demi!" Someone exclaimed. I turned around as Ellie, who was Alex's friend, hugged me.
"Hi, Ellie." I gave her a small smile. "How are you doing?" I asked her.
"I'm doing good." She answered. "What about you though?" She questioned.
"I'm hanging in there, I guess." I answered truthfully, not wanting to burden a fourteen year old with my problems. "Did you come with your parents?"
"Yeah, I did. Speaking of parents, I told them I would only be a couple minutes." Ellie gave me a small smile.
"Okay. Feel free to come over anytime, okay?" I told her. I knew her and Ellie were really close friends when they were on a volleyball team together and just because Alex is gone, doesn't mean she can't come over. Ellie nodded and ran off to her parents. Everyone was making small talk with each other till the service started. Once the service was starting, my family and I sat in the front row. I opened up the program and read the obituary.
OBITUARY:
"Alexis Grace Lovato, 14, passed away on December 1, 2020 at 7:38 PM, at Cedars Sinai hospital in Los Angeles, California.
She was born December 27, 2005, at 8:27 AM in Dallas, Texas to Demi Lovato and Aaron Davis. (A/N: Let's just act like Demi is older than 28 😂)
Alexis started school at Los Angeles Elementary school. She then graduated from elementary school and attended Palms Middle School. After graduating middle school, she began homeschooling for high school.
Alexis Grace Lovato was a friend to many and touched the hearts of many people. She made sure everyone she loved was happy before she was happy. Alexis spent many of her days off spending time with her Mom at the studio, where Alexis occasionally wrote music herself. She also enjoyed playing with her dogs, Batman and Ella."
I closed the program after reading the obituary. Everything is starting to feel more real than before. I held onto Wilmer's hand as Mom, Eddie, Dallas, and Maddie all made speeches. I didn't have a speech prepared because I didn't know if I was going to be able to handle going up there.
"Would anyone else like to give a speech?" The pastor asked as they all finished. I raised my hand as I stood up. He nodded and stepped to the side as I walked up to the podium.
"Hello, everyone. I appreciate all of you could make it." I smiled a sad smile. "I'm Alex's Mom, Demi. I just wanted to come up here and say that Alexis was a very strong and determined girl. When she was younger, she made sure everyone was happy. She wouldn't give up until she knew they were truly happy. Alex went through so much at such a young age and I always knew she was my little warrior. She put on a brave face everyday, even though she didn't have to, she did. I never realized till now, that she was my rock for the past fourteen years. She helped me get through my darkest days, even if she wasn't having a good day. Everything's going to be different without her, but she'll be watching over us. She'll be our nightingale." I was now crying uncontrollably. I stepped away from the podium and went over to her coffin. "I love you so much, baby girl." I whispered. I slowly walked over to my seat and held onto Wilmer's hand again for the rest of the service.
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"Are you ready, baby girl?" Mom asked me, as we arrived at the cemetery where we were going to bury my daughter.
"No.." I whispered. "But it's happening.. I can't believe she's gone.." I told her. She gave me a sympathetic look and hugged me.
"It'll be okay." Eddie said, trying to reassure me. I slowly went up to her coffin and put a rose on it.
"Fly high, baby girl." I choked out as they lowered her into the ground. I was instantly pulled into Eddie's embrace and I hid my face against him, probably staining his suit with my tears. It took every urge to not jump in the ditch. I need her back with me. She's my baby girl.