Warning?
Ah, it chapter may still be R-18?
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Samael stopped tormenting my nipples and looked up slightly. His sparkling eyes, full of desire and something else I couldn't identify, stared at mine hazy.
I sighed loudly, although the sound I made was sounded more like a soft moan than a sigh.
- Sa... - I started whispering, but in time I had composure before I finished saying his name. Shocked at what I wanted to do and what would it matter, I turned my head away from his eyes staring at me and closed my eyes.
Suddenly, I feel that my cheek was licked by a Samael hot and soft and rough tongue, which after a while was replaced by his lips, which kissed me gently in the same place.
Through slightly open eyelids I looked at Samael out of the corner of my eye, which made our eyes meet again.
Samael started to move the hand he was caressing my penis faster, and I gasped and groaned at the heightened sensation. And this very moment was chosen by Samael to take possession of my mouth again.
The intensified sensations overwhelmed me more and more, and finally, I couldn't stand it. I groaned in Samael's mouth when he still kept kissing me, and I felt fulfillment.
Ah... This my first orgasm in my entire life. So intensive...
Samael released my flaccid penis without letting my wrists out of the other hand, and grasping my jaw with his free hand not letting me turn my head. Once again, we were lost in a joint kiss, although this one was different. He was filled with even more possessiveness and a desire for total possession than the previous ones.
Finally, when my eyes were completely watery and my mind seemed non-existent, heavily panting we broken apart our kiss.
Samael released my wrists and placed his hands on either side of my head, and leaning over me, he kissed my forehead as I tried to even my breath and pick up my brain, which was now a sticky shapeless mass. He stared at me closely for a moment longer, then he got down from me and sat on the edge of the bed, watching me closely.
I being lethargic and dulled, rose slightly to a more sitting position, and rested my back against the pillows. When I looked at my hands, I noticed that they were trembling. Slowly, what just happened began to reach my consciousness. In shock, my eyes wide open, I stared straight ahead.
What have I done...
How did it happen...
I felt tears gathering in my eyes and a strange hug in my chest.
How could I let him approach me like this?!
I began to breathe deeply and calm myself down in my mind.
Uh, okay, I must calm down. Later there will be time for panic and other reckless actions expressing my strange state of mind, now I have to get out of here as soon as possible.
Yes, disappearing out of here is my best option. But how am I supposed to disappear when I'm naked? And why did I wake up here naked? Somebody tell me... What's going on here?
... Ah! Definitely, something is wrong here! - I screamed out loud in my mind.
At that moment, I have too many questions, too few answers, and directions, and now is a very bad time to think about it, so at this point, we say ''no'' to thinking.
My mind was late realizing the various facts, so it took me a while to realize that I was naked, though I had already stated that fact in my head.
I clung to that one thought, panicked and disgusted with myself. I'm naked... naked...
Fuck!
My scars, skin discoloration, wounds, and fat. Everything this was in view... This is so hideous, disgusting... Everything can be seen, everything flows out.
So shocker... so disgusting... I hate it... I hate myself...
I grabbed the quilt and covered myself with it all the way to my chin, drawing my knees to my chest and tucking my head in them.
What I should do now?
Without looking towards Samael and not changing my position, I held my hand out towards him, and then I spoke up.
- My clothes. - I said in a relatively normal voice in which, however, you could detect tremors.
In response, I heard a snort, and after a while a deep sigh.
Next, Samael threw the clothes at me that it landed on my head. I didn't move, I did so only then, when I heard the door close, which signaled to me that he had left, leaving me alone.
I quickly got up without even looking at the bedroom in which I was. Being embarrassed and irritably like a little cat with bristling hair, I rudely wiped the remnants of my semen on the quilt on me and then got dressed.
I was trying to bury it deep in my mind worries about my hideous face without makeup, but it wasn't easy. I felt that I had to cover my face with something so that no one would have to look at this abomination.
Hm... Just what could I use for this?
I scanned my surroundings in search of some scarf or shawl. Fortunately, I noticed a black scarf lying on the floor. I quickly grabbed it and put it on. It was large, so I calmly managed to wrap it around my neck and the lower part of my face so that only my eyes were visible.
Then I carefully headed for the door, trying to be as quiet as possible. I opened it and, like a panicked animal escaping from its cage, I quickly moved towards the supposed exit. I was so focused on getting away as soon as possible that I didn't even register what was around me.
Just as I was about to press the door handle which was supposed to give me the freedom I wanted, I felt a hand grabbing my neck and holding me in place.
Immediately, almost instinctively, I stopped moving, my hand halfway to the doorknob.
I swallowed hard.
- You are planning to run away without a word, pretending nothing happened? Not nice. - Samael was snarling these words straight into my ear.
Oh, I guess my behavior made him angry...
Ups?
Providently, I decided to behave wisely and chose not to speak anything. Samael squeezed my neck tighter.
- Don't think it will be left without talking and further action. We'll talk about it later. Now go! Runaway! This is what you do best. Little fugitive, only thinking about themselves and caring only about their complexes. You look at people with contempt, but you are no better for them. You hurt others without even thinking about it, just because you got made up your mind, that everyone wants to hurt and take advantage of you. So pathetic.
He growled these words in my ear whereupon let go of my neck and pushed me forward. I quickly grabbed the handle and opened the door, then ran out. I haven't looked where I was running. I just wanted to be as far away from him and his words as possible.
Tears blurred my vision, tears which I pretended didn't exist... Idiot. Fucking bastard... What could he know? He doesn't know anything!
After a while I stopped abruptly and hit the wall of the building with my clenched hand one, two, and a third times, breathing heavily.
I snorted. Ah, fuck him, I don't care.
He doesn't mean anything to me, and his words also don't mean anything to me.
I resumed my run into the unknown, trying to ignore the pain in my chest and the soft voice in my head which whisperings to me that Samael after all meant something to me and that his words also meant something.
This is ridiculous, idiotic.
Completely untrue...
And very impossible.
I don't know how much time I ran, carried by emotions that I will never admit. I only stopped when I ran out of strength. Panting, I sat down against a wall of a building. I was in an unfamiliar to me part of the city, dark and gloomy.
It perfectly suited my current mood.
I put my hand in the pocket of the jacket I was wearing, hoping to find cigarettes and something to drink there as my throat hurt more and more and it scratched. Unfortunately, there was neither money nor drink there. Fortunately, there were cigarettes.
With trembling hands, I took one cigarette from the packet and a lighter, and after a while, I was inhaling the deadly cigarette smoke into my battered lungs.
I pushed all thoughts out of my head and just smoked, staring at the smoke rising upwards, towards the gray nostalgically sad sky.
I quietly sighed.
I would like to be such a smoke, flowing towards freedom, deliquescent with each passing second, not thinking and not feeling.
I threw out my cigarette butt somewhere to the side and I stared into space. It was getting darker, and after a while, heavy rain poured down. The weather perfectly reflected my state of mind and humor. Thanks for the weather.
I was getting wetter with each passing moment. Not moving, after a while I was all wet until I started shivering from the cold. I curled up and wrapped my arms around my knees like a homeless animal, physically and mentally exhausted...
Ah, yes... That's what it should be... I should be alone in my gray frosty world. As long as I'm alone, I'm safe. If I don't allow anyone to get close to me, no one will hurt me or abandon me...
... I want to be alone...