"Hey!" someone yelled when they saw me. "It's that guy from the NASA press release!"
"You suck!" someone else screamed.
"Why?" I asked, losing my cool. "All I did was point out the obvious."
"You denied people's lived experiences!" a person whined.
"What does that even mean?!" I demanded to know.
"Hey, everyone, it's that bigot from the press conference!" the person said, ignoring my question. "Come get him!"
"Oh crap." I thought as an angry mob ran after me.
They chased me into the subway station where I wandered into a train that took me to a local forest reserve. I stayed in a deserted area until nightfall.
Out of all the things I thought would come from proof of alien existence, me being run out of town by a woke lynch mob was not one of them.
I was getting ready to go home but I was interrupted by something strange. A lime green light glowing in the sky. It seemed to be coming closer so I ran for my life.
But it caught up to me and suddenly it felt like I was metal and the light was a magnet. I flew towards it at top speed. Bracing for impact, I closed my eyes and curled into a ball. But no impact came.
Instead, I was on the floor of a large, cold, silver room with only one door. It opened and a tall, green, bug-like alien man walked through it.
"Bu ta mo taka vor saus." he said.
"What?" I asked.
He held his hand out, revealing a purple worm which launched itself at my forehead. It went so fast I didn't have time to react as it melded with my brain.
"Bu ta mo ta-just a test to see if you can understand me." he said.
"Well, I can now." I replied. "Is this thing some kind of babel fish?"
"I do not know what that is, but the worm I placed into your skull will allow you to learn any language instantly." the alien explained.
"Am I to assume you're an alien?" I inquired.
"I am an extra terrestrial from the planet Mars." he said.
"Why did you bring me here?" I asked.
"To reveal the truth to you." he told me. "Come, walk with me."
The two of us walked through the door into a large control room filled with more aliens.
"You see," he explained. "we first became aware of your presence in the year 1969 by the Gregorian calendar."
"That wouldn't happen to have been July 20th, would it?" I questioned.
"Yes." he continued. "When your race landed on the moon, we did research on the past of humanity. We learned of their brutish nature and we decided to stop them from reaching Mars. Luckily, we also learned how easily distracted humans are. Our agents began infiltrating your ranks over the years. We began concocting things like iPhones, the internet, reality tv and transgenderism."
"And this is all to stop us from going to space?" I asked, dumbfounded.
The alien nodded and continued:
"But it was not enough. So we invented the flat earth movement in an effort to revert your species back to the stone age. But it did not work out, so we introduced various terrorist groups such as: BLM and Antifa. Still, you prevailed. And so we created a false virus as an excuse for the Martians in your ranks to isolate humanity in an attempt to stop you from working together. Yet, the human spirit continues to endure."
"But, why tell me this?" I inquired.
"Because after fifty-two years of meddling in you governments, we have decided to give up." he said. "And we wanted at least one human to know of the things we have done. On a personal note, I would like to congratulate mankind on surviving all we have put it through. I have no doubt that after we leave, it is only a matter of time before you touch the stars."
The Martians dropped me off back on Earth and I watched as it flew away. I can't help but think about the future. And how humanity will one day shed our petty squabbles, explore strange new worlds and seek out new life and new civilizations. Going where no man has gone before…