As I drove home after a long monotonous day, another day where I found myself angry at others as well as myself. I couldn't handle that he had achieved success before I had myself. I proceeded as I pretended to be happy for him. It's wrong to be angry at his good fortune and hard work but I couldn't help but be angry.
It's always like this, I never actually connected to people. I always distance myself, even when people open up, I just feel odd. Considering what my best choice of words. Do I pretend to care. Be honest and say, I'm sorry but I can't empathize?
Of course I had been honest before and they understood. As I sat there feeling awkward about have no way to help someone I honestly respected but had no real feelings for. Those I considered friends I didn't actually care much for. A protective barrier I put up for show. I had even fooled investigators for my secret clearance. Or perhaps they didn't care?
Regardless, I hadn't been exposed for the piece of shit that I was. I had never truly connected with anyone. "Friends" I had gotten along with, those who I cared about, people I truly hoped would do well for in life. There were none, even my successful friends I kept extremely distant as I knew I was relatively terrible as a person and I didn't want to bring their downfall.
I put my head down as I drove down the highway. Realesing a heavy sigh as I knew my entire life was a lie. Only a few true honest to goodness people I would sacrifice my life for. I only talked to them a few times a year. I knew I was a terrible friend. I honestly couldn't help but sigh once again. It might be best if I.
Darkness, my thoughts ended mid sentence. I blink a few times my eyes extremely heavy. Looking around as I feel a slight pressure squeeze my chest and throat, my surroundings were dark with many lights. Not stars more like concentrated wisps of light… I could move but it felt like swimming through molasses. My thoughts went from admiring the wisps to a need to touch and steal these wisps for my own. I attempted to move to the bright wisps but I couldn't even approach the bright wisps. every second the pressure on my chest was slowly building… I kept moving slowly my arms falling asleep I began to panic as the pressure began choking me… from wanting to steal these wisps to the fear of death if I didn't reach one. Pressure kept building and building as I began to swim towards a fading wisp. My vision began to darken as my heavy body reached and touched the fading wisp.
Again my thoughts were cutoff from thinking I've reach one to completely empty once again. I no longer felt pressure on just my throat and chest, there was a strange stinging feeling covering my entire body. I couldn't open my eyes. However I could hear someone speaking. It's was a man "it's a baby boy, here you go mam". However after only a few moments I was out like a light, the pure stress and pain change in scenery. My mind was boggled and all over the place. I could only be stressed and tired after what had just happened.