"Because you and mom were restless during all this time, and he is not even grateful."
Lanuvel's face shows great irritation now. She was angry because I didn't thank Secily and not because I didn't tell her my name.
I had wished to die for quite some time, and because of them, I didn't get to go finally. To be free. Maybe that's why. Though I have mixed feelings about dying
"Ma'am. I am sorry for my rude behavior. I thank you from the bottom of my heart for saving my pitiful life." I get out of the bed and bow in front of her. My body is so heavy I have trouble staying up.
"Don't worry about that. It's my job. But…" When I raise my head to look at her, Secily is incredibly angry. Her face has darkened. Did I say something wrong? "Just… Never say your life is pitiful again. No life is." Ah, that's why she got angry.
"I see, do forgive me for that blunder."
"It's okay. Go back to your bed; my son went to call Rose. They will be here any minute." Her son? The boy who went away was her son then. While I lay down on the bed again, somebody enters.
"Are you alright, Kevin? Do you feel pain anywhere?" Rose is sweaty. Did she run to come here?
"Yes, ma'am, I am alright. Thank you for taking care of me." I try to get out of my bed again.
"No need for that. Who would see a child suffering and do nothing? That would be inhuman." Looks like she is the one who brought me here.
"How did you know I was sick, by the way?" I wonder how she knew that.
"Well, I waited for you in the morning, but you didn't come. And when I went to your room, you were sweating like crazy, so I carried you here."
"You even dare to doubt mama!" I see. She found me the next morning. I am glad she did, or maybe not.
"Once again, thank you both for saving my life. I won't ever forget it."
"You better do!" Lanuvel is mad.
"Calm down, dear, what is the problem?" Rose pinches her cheek, but she is not even paying attention. She is just glaring at me. Her eyes are throwing spears.
"Okay, okay. Everyone will calm down. This is not a battlefield." Secily says so while clapping her hands. The tension completely disappears when she does. "Lanuvel, you should go and play with Romas. Mom needs to talk with Kevin."
"But, mama..."
"Dear, please." Rose looks at Lanuvel with begging eyes. Can't you just tell her she is a nuisance?
"Okay, mom. I am sorry. I will go." Lanuvel gets down from her chair and goes away without looking back. The nuisance is gone.
"Now, let's talk seriously. Kevin, I suppose Secily already told you everything about Angas before you reach ten years old and the consequences so I won't go over that. There is only one thing I will say right now: quit the knight's training. You cannot do it. As an instructor, no, as a mother, I cannot allow you to continue this. This is not training. This is torture."
Rose looks at me. That look. That way of looking at me like you care about me. Like I truly matter. Like you want to protect me and love me.
"STOP LOOKING AT ME LIKE THAT!" Without even knowing, I scream. I cannot do it? Who decided so? I am garbage? Who are you to say so? I am pathetic? Say it to my face. This is enough. I won't allow people to decide anything for me. That which I want, I shall acquire it by myself, even if it is happiness.
"Instructor Rose, please restrain your emotions as far as I am concerned. I am not your daughter." I must establish the relationship between us even if I have to regret it later. Her kindness will just weaken me. "I am the apprentice Kevin Koersombre. You are my instructor. Moreover, you were explicitly ordered to use the most difficult treatment possible on me, even if I have to die. You are disobeying orders from your superiors and also…"
When I look at her and Secily, they are both stupefied. But I must continue. I must get stronger or I won't get revenge. Because if you are showing compassion now, it's is still because of you guys that I lost everything.
"Also, your attitude is an insult to my resolve. Please, do not forget, you promise to make me into something fitting of your order. If I don't make it, it means I was not strong enough. And it would be better than you producing a useless and pitiful warrior and deteriorate your reputation as an instructor."
I have said everything I had to say. My heart feels heavy, a little bit like when I killed Tatiana. The feeling of something you will regret doing but still did. No, there is nothing to regret. Those are possible enemies. I cannot just trust them like that.
Rose is pale, and her eyes are red. She is on the verge of crying. Secily simply closes her eyes. She must be thinking.
"I…I see. I am sorry. Because you were… I-I thought of you as a child even though you yourself was not one. I was disrespectful, r-right?" Tears start flowing from her eyes. Her voice becomes trembling. "I understand. I will treat you as a warrior then. You will spit blood and cry for all I will care. You will wish for death so hard MEETIA will curse me for what I did to you. THAT I SWEAR RIGHT NOW!"
Her voice becomes aggressive. It is better this way. Yes, it is way better. You must not waste your time and affection for garbage. Rose closes her eyes and wipe her tears. Then she looks at Secily, as if to ask if she had anything to say.
"Just take better care of your body. You coming here means more work for me. I don't like to work. Drink a lot of water. It will help you more than you can imagine. My office is always open if you need it. I think that's all."
"We will restart your training tomorrow before sunrise. And I will make sure you catch up with those two past weeks." Rose turns around and goes away, followed by Secily. Beyond the curtains, I can hear Lanuvel's voice asking something to her mother, but I don't pay attention to it. Let's sleep and prepare for tomorrow.