Shawn's eyes opened but he didn't have the will to move. He was questioning everything that he thought he stood for. Why did I run, when I was a human I faced much worse odds and was fully prepared to die, so why did I chose to run now. I had never ran from any enemy when I was weak and fragile, so why now when I exceeded that power many times over, why did I run. Has my resolve as a warrior gotten weaker, that fleeing from battle was my only option when faced with death at the hands of another warrior. Was I that weak, am I that weak.
"Yes, you are that weak. You have always been that weak" the voice was his voice he could feel it, it was coming for a deep dark part of his consciousness but all around him at the same time.
"Weak, weaaakkk. You are a coward, you have no right to call yourself a warrior. You just ran from battle, like the coward you are" the voice continued to whisper and mock him from inside his own head.
Shawn wanted to yell at the voice and tell it how wrong it was but he could not speak, his mouth would not open. "Weak" "If you are even a sliver of the man you once were, you will end it right here" as the voice said that Cro-Van appeared in his hand and as it did his hand began to shake violently.
What did he just say to himself, there was no way this was real. Even if he did run and that went against everything he that he believed, he would never take his own live. Running from battle was cowardly but taking your own life, the easy way out that was beyond cowardly. What would possess him to even contemplate something so treacherous.
He put Cro-Van back into his jacket and began to wonder what exactly was going on, a second ago he was in the forest but now he was in what appeared to be a vast graveyard. It was daytime but the sky overhead was pitch black, with not even the moon lighting the sky.
"Weak, you abandoned your soldiers and left them to die. You are worse than scum. You should die by thier hands, they want vengeance", "Greeny who put his faith in you as a leader, you allowed him to die, Chris who you were to protect died because of your weakness" "Your entire squad was decimated after your death, all of that is on you. Pay with your life they want vengeance". Each of the men that the voice had named, rose from the graves and attacked Shawn.
Each one pleaing with Shawn to do the right and fair thing to join them where they could be together again, a squad again, a family again. The zombies themselves were quiet weak and posed no threat to Shawn but it was their words that overpowered him.
Maybe he did abandon them, was he to sacrifice himself to be with them, was that the right choice to make as a leader, was it his responsibility to lead them in the afterlife as well. No, Shawn stopped himself, even after death his squad was not this weak. Even if they died surely they would not want him to follow no matter what they would have wanted him to live and execute their killer not rush to his own death that much he was sure about.
Not only that but they should have died on his original earth, so why were they here and where the hell is here anyways. Then a thought dawned in Shawn, one of two things was happening right now. Either he had died fighting Shira and had been sent to hell which would explain why he was being mentally and psychologically tortured orrrrrrrr Shawn stood up and allowed one of his zombies friends to impale him but nothing happened thier was no pain or anything on his part instead it was the zombies who turned into mist and returned to the grave.
The construct around him shattered revealing a black landscape the same color as the sky, though everything was the same color it was clearly moddled after a battlefield and as he thought about it the entire plain turned into a chess board. Shawn could guess where he was based on the amount of control he felt he could excert over the realm.
He was somehow inside of his own head and he was plauging himself with those thoughts but how does that make any sense, how and why am I physically inside my own mind.
As Shawn was wondering a sinister presence grew behind him. What was behind him was monsterous, the creature as growing out of the ground as though it was molded into this place.
"You are weak and do not deserve control but you refuse to let me take control. Why just end your suffering and let me take lead. If you do then you can stay here as the god of whatever fantasy you please. You can have everything and anything you desire but you have to give me control" said the beast, it was the same voice from earlier.
"I don't know who you are or what you want and I have no idea why you are in my head but you made a mistake if you think I am going to sit by and just let you take my body just because I lost one fight. So get lost or something" answered Shawn annoyed by the monster trying to get him to live in a fake world while the monster ran around doing who knows what in his body.
"Who am I, you ask. Who do you think I am" as the creature said this it's gigantic form began to morph and compress until it had taken the shape of Shawn.
"You deny me now but when you have reached rock bottom and all hope is lost. I will be here waiting but until then remember me by this" as the creature said this it stabbed Shawn through his heart killing him on the spot.
Shawn threw himself up and found himself, sitting upright in a bed. Shawn grabbed at his chest and felt his body. He wanted to ensure he was nolonger in that strange place with that bizarre creature. His body was bandaged and he could feel that he was showered. Was it all a dream, it certainly felt fake but something told him that unfortunately he had not seen the last of that creature.
He scanned the room and noticed that his belongings were hanging on a chair inside the room. And the room looked cozy and the scene outside looked quite familiar as well, he was back in Danafall but how did he get here. The very last thing he remembered was being in the forest. He quickly summoned the book of knowledge before asking about all the strange things that had happened. Who was that cat girl, how did he leave the forest, where was that place and who was that creature. And what is causing me to feel so pathetic asked Shawn with little understanding of the situation.
The book glowed momentarily before flipping open answering all the asked questions. She is of the beastman race, she was specifically of the Carnivore Jubatus line. Beast are divided into carnivores and herbivores, the carnivores specialized in combat and the Jubatus class was know for thier insane speed and reflexes. They also have heightened animal like senses due to thier physiology, they are excellent and efficient hunters. All carnivore beastmen when enraged enter carnage mode and lose all sense of themselves in an attempt to protect thier life....
You left that forest by walking back to Danafall, though you were very dazed and in a very poor shape you managed to stumble into the hunters hall where you were repaired and given a bed. You have been asleep for 3 days....
That place that you are referring to has no actual description and it is different for everyone but it would be easier to comprehend if you thought of that as inside your own soul but you are there consciously and that creature was a manifestation of all of your negative emotions.
Due to you being a dark elf, you can feed on negative emotions and siphon power from it but you can also feed your own negativity and when you did that it caused creature grows exponentially stronger. That creature is you, so you killing it will not be possible and when the negative you gets powerful enough it can supress your original will then confine you to that dark place and roam around in your body spreading it's evil.....
You feel bad because you lost your weapons which you felt like were a part of your team, you view leaving them behind as abandoning your team which you consider a sin amongst sins.
And another reason you feel this bad is because of that embarrassing loss that has damaged your god complex. Even back when you were human you felt like with just your power and skill alone you could have taken on anything the world threw at you but after giving it your all and having your strength looked down upon your complex shatter opening you up to your own mental criticisms which led to you facing your negative self.
The solution to this would is loving all manner of creature irregardless of strength and finding inner peace within one's self and after bringing harmony to your soul, moving onto your mind then body. Unlocking a state of complete tranquility and emotional control, the true path to happiness. Setting you free in the process and you will become a symbol of hope and peace to the whole world.
The book explained in great detail and Shawn understood most of what it was saying. The monster was a manifestation of his regrets, sorrows and other negative emotions and if given the chance it would not hesitate to rob his body.
He understood all that but he was still plagued by the thoughts of his weakness but fortunately the solution to that was clear. He perhaps had one of the cheatiest ways to get stronger he just needed to hunt and kill more creature taking their life-force and making it his own strengthing his body before finding that beastman and taking her apart.
Shawn did not even think about giving the last paragraph a second thought and the book disappeared as he finished reading. Clearly the inanimate book had either developed a sense of of humor or it had been drinking while he was unconscious.
Shawn rolled out of bed and dawned his cloak. Checked himself once more after removing his bandages before heading downstairs as the scent of something beautiful drifted into his nose. Food.