I navigated around the yellow prim rotundas that dotted the square, still unsure of what I was doing. Would he be surprised? Would he welcome me?? Ugh, what am I even saying, he took me out yesterday?
He should expect me somehow, but I've never been one to be too forward.
"Carlie!" slender arms engulfed my sides trapping me in a heated embrace. I stood stiff then relaxed when it just turned out to be Gin.
"I'm so glad you came by. We didn't quite have enough time to get acquainted at the festival. Come on now, my shop's just right there." She pointed at a brown stall, a few meters ahead. "Then after you can come back and visit Freddie."
I hesitated a bit. "I don't know, he might be expecting me," I directed my gaze to the shop. The counter was empty, no one lurked around.
"He's not in now," she seemed to follow my gaze then tugged at my sleeves. "We'd just have cakes, my treat. Then talk a little."
We both crossed the road over to the other side. She pushed the dark door open, eliciting a shrill jingle above it. The 'stall' was indeed a kiosk that just happened to be conjoined along with a red brick wall. Huge pastry cases sat on shelves, steaming with dripping honey cakes. She pulled two out onto paper plates before scooting a chair back from the nearest corner. We sat across from each other, letting the silence build up for a while.
"So here we are. This is my shop; a little something my mother left for me before she passed on."
I couldn't find the right words since 'I'm sorry' wasn't acceptable these days. "You must feel bad."
"Bah, it happened ages ago and I'm so over it. At least now I can say it's better managed and a lot more efficient." she beamed in the most endearing way possible, her curls sticking to her forehead. "You don't show up around here more often."
"That's correct. I just dropped by to see Freddie."
"For Freddie huh?" she stabbed her cake neatly, directing it into her mouth. "And yet you tell me you both aren't together."
"We're not together, Just friends." I lowered my eyes down to the confection in front of me. It dripped of cream and chocolate and it took all of my willpower not to dig in right away. As the general household protocol demanded in Bald Slope, I'd have to wait fifteen minutes before eating anything in public. "Friends that hang out sometimes."
"But that wasn't the case with yes -" she cut herself off with a small cough. Reaching out for a bottle of water behind the cash desk, she sipped. "I saw you both yesterday, at Chip-vines."
"You were at Chip-vines?" I raised a brow at her, then gasped. "You were stalking!"
She raised both hands up defensively, her mouth full. I watched her swallow hard. "I wasn't stalking you two, just wanted to make sure Charlie delivered my letter."
"You sent that letter? So that's why he left."
She scoffed. "So much we don't know. Those were my pregnancy reports."
I gaped at her. "Y-yo-you're pregnant?"
"Three months Carlie, And it's for him."
The store fell silent. I stared into space, longer than I'd intended. It was all coming together. Why she ran off when Freddie approached at the festival, why Freddie looked disturbed and distant yesterday..both had been together long enough for the better part.
"Why did you tell me this?" I frowned at my plate. "You were hoping I'd get hurt? You were hoping I'd cry and give up??"
She sighed, reaching out for my hands. "It's not like that, this child would change a lot of things. I just needed you to stop having hope."
"Well, you succeeded if I must say. I still don't understand, if you've had sex with him and you two are expecting a child, then why do you avoid him like a plague? Why weren't you both talking? Is this some kind of joke??"
"Trust me, it isn't. I just..did something bad and he's unwilling to let go. You've got to realize how this hurt me too. And now he says he's not ready for this. He wants me to get rid of it"
Stunned, I blinked twice at her. "He wants what?!"
It was the most barbaric thing I'd ever heard. I couldn't even pin a thought on how someone could be so wicked. "Have you done it?? Did you remove the child??"
She cocked her head forward, rolling. "Of course not, that's the last thing I'd ever do."
I stood up abruptly. "I have to talk to him. How could he suggest such an absurd thing? There must be something wrong somewhere."
"Oh Carlie, don't worry about me. I can take care of Freddie. I think you should rather be afraid for yourself, for your future."
I stopped in my tracks. "Future? What about my future??"
"You love Charlie so much but have you ever thought of a future with him in it? Do you even believe that's even possible??"
I contemplated her words briefly. Although I'd dreamed of it often, it'd never seemed attainable, never possible. Charlie didn't fit the picture at all. "Um, about me and Charlie, could you mind keeping it between the both of us? He's already distracted lately as it is."
She clumped a hand tightly over her mouth. "Oops. I already spilled."
"You did what?!" I bristled. Shit. "When?"
"Back at the festival. Oh come on, it was all bound for sooner or later. Besides, how much longer would you both keep pretending to each other?"
★★
"Ugh, I still can't believe Freddie would say something like that. Doesn't he know the true worth of a newborn? There are plenty of people out there who hope and pray day and night for a child." I surfed through the cloth stacks in search of my pajamas. Carter leaned farther away from me, rather focused on fixing his MP3 player.
"Face it, Debaun, this is the universe telling you to stick to your mailman. What else did she say?"
"She figured I'm onto Charlie and told him outright at the festival. Then I gave her more clues today. I'm so stupid."
He gasped. "And you blamed me? That was all your fault."
I rolled my eyes, pushing the false paper-wall back. "It's still your fault. None of this would have ever happened if it weren't for you."
He smirked. "Maybe the word you might be looking for is a 'Thank you' "
"Roger that."
"I think you need a propeller. Something to push you forward. After what Gin told you today, you've now realized that Freddie's a total let-down. I mean, you can't still go for him can you?"
I shook my head. "We'll still be friends that's for sure. But it'd be frolic if we have a thing together."
"So we're in the clear then. Why don't you ask Charlie out or something? Go for the kill."
I breathed out, tired from it all. "Don't you get it at all? He doesn't want to be asked out or have anything to do with me. What kind of a man would want to date another man, more so a boy? It's forbidden, wrong to see. I don't want either of us to be uncomfortable than we already are, or face the shame society might have for us. I just wished it never happened. I wish I could never love him."