The group were handing round photo albums and laughing at the corny retro 2020s fashion styles when I stormed onto the deck and banged on the ranchslider til Fatti opened it. Chan let the album slide off his knees onto the lounge floor. Everyone's mouths hung open, waiting for me to tell them why I looked like I'd come back from the dead.
'HE'S A PSYCHO, HE HE HE HAD FIRE, AND HE HE HE SAID HE WAS WAS GOING TO, TO, TO– '
'Caaaalm, babygirl, caaaaalm.' Esther wheeled over and stroked my wrist. 'Tell Sister Esther what's up.'
'It was Ad – It was ADAM!' I cried. 'He he he – he he – he said never to cumb – cumb – never to come back and – and – he – he said – he said Arn Arn Anya was going to– '
'He harmed you?' Eli looked up at Chan. 'Tell us everything.'
Kane yanked on a wooden curtain rail til it came crashing down, spewing hoops and plastic bits and lace all over the carpet. Kane snapped the wooden rod over his knee and slapped it on his palm. 'Judgment day, boys. We've been too soft on that cunt.'
Those who didn't want to bash Adam's brains in found a Christmas sweater and a curtain and some towels to keep me warm and help me dry. They placed me on some couch cushions. My arms and shoulders were buried. Only my muddy toes stuck out. I stank of petrol but no one said anything.
Esther cleared her throat and wheeled closer, stroking me like I was a little kid. 'It's all good, bae. Some people can't keep away from other people's boyfriends; some people take other people's money. Some people can't help being untrustworthy.'
'I WAS ONLY GONNA LOOK AT IT.'
' –but that was his perception, Ede? Right? Adam was protecting Maeve from someone who – no offence – like, you must've come across as psycho and predatory and stuff? S'all good, I mean when I was Peer Support leader I delivered a conflict resolution workshop to– '
'Don't do your holy-ass bullshit on me right now. I'M GOOD, you guys. THEY'RE the bad ones.'
'I'd like to speak,' said Eli in his deep, strong voice. He placed one hand on his chest, preacher-style, then flipped the palm upward and began walking in a circle. 'You've mentioned Anya's been employed as some sort of bodyguard; presumably Maeve will be under Adam's employ as well. Okay. That's their decision and we can respect it. I'm not terribly impressed our friend is not allowing people in his shop, though. You said there are chocolate bars? We're going to need to divvy up those provisions until tomorrow.'
Esther moved her chair a little forward into the centre of the group. 'Overeating is the leading cause of premature death in the Western world,' she said. 'Take it from me – I worked in South Sudan for Spring Mission and you wouldn't see anyone there tossing away half a pizza slice.' Esther flashed a white smile at Fatti. 'But hey – we don't play the blame game here.'
'We couldn't've even cooked the pizza crusts without any – cooked them without a microw– holy Jesus… .' I clicked my fingers. 'There's a microwave in Adam's petrol station. I – I totally saw it.'
Everyone looked at each other. Metres away, I could hear something churn and bubble. Chan lifted his t-shirt and looked down at his stomach, wincing. I counted at least a four pack of abs. 'And he's got electricity, that's the bit I didn't tell you about. Adam has power. I should've told you guys earlier – he looked fully moved-in, like he was gonna live there.'
'What kinda power we talking?' Chan looked confused. 'That kitchen bitch better be broilin some burgers.'
'Adam has responsibilities,' Eli clarified. 'Responsibilities to the rest of us. Time for a City Council meeting, no? With catering – soon as we have us a wee talk with Mr Disobedient.'
I marched with Chan, Eli and Esther. We picked up Omar on the way when he fell out of a tree in a hail of leaves, rolling as he landed and getting up and brushing himself off like it was no big deal. He didn't have any shoes on, he'd ripped the sleeves off his t-shirt to let his biceps breathe and his hair had little sticks in it. He strolled east along Mahony Road with us and said, 'So what's up?'
'Wassup with YOU? What were you doing up there?'
'Just gathering. Ain't no thing.'
'Gathering? What do you mean gathering?'
'Haven't you heard of hunter-gatherers?' Omar asked me. 'There's not much to hunt – Fatima's too fat to be any thrill.' He winked at her. 'Just kidding, bae.'
'My brain's fat, cocksucker.' She swung a kick at Omar's dick and they laughed and swatted each other.
'Ede, and all you guys,' Omar continued, 'We're seriously not gonna make it 'less we're stockpiling from day one. We should plant, too. You gotta always be thinking six months ahead. Did you know our incestors didn't even eat meals? They would eat on the run. Standing up, even. Berries, fish, lizards, you name it. Seafood Diet, yo. See it; straight into the mouth. There's even a beehive somewhere on the Riviera, I've heard the bees. Heard them buzzing their wiggly little butts off. Bet their honeycomb's AMAZEballs. Gotta smoke 'em out though. Smokes calms bees down, gets 'em stoned. On the Riviera, house 603, I think.'
We'd passed rows of McMansions, all lined up like regiments of soldiers, and passed Broadway while we talked and things lightened a bit at we hit the farm country. This confrontation thing wouldn't be that bad. Adam and his guard-bitch would say sorry and we'd all have a big feed of candy bars.
Omar jumped up and touched a sign with a bit of dust from the fields on it saying Bridge 1600m.
'That's one mile precisely,' Watson said.
Kane elbowed Watson. 'Thanks for that, Mopomatic. Should say Busted Bridge. Broken-ass misleading-ass piece of junk. What'd they blow up the bridge so we couldn't escape or somethin?'
'The dome just kinda chops it in half.'
We passed dusty fields. The place was close now. I'd stopped crying and dust was clinging to my dried tears.
'Y'know we oughta file away the locations of all the stuff to eat,' Omar began. 'Starting with the honey. Gotta think like a dog. Dogs'll bury something and come back, like, a decade later.'
We'd all spotted feral dogs on the horizon and heard their howls. They were shy though, reclusive.
'I'd appreciate it if you didn't bury my honeycomb when you get it. If you get it. Sounds dangerous, plus people are allergic to bee stings. People could die.'
'Like if you try to give me homework,' Fatima said, 'I'm allergic to homework.'
I toed Fatima's bum gently. 'You're allergic to exercise, lard-ass.'
Her eyes darted side to side and her giggle was nervous. 'But seriously, I'm like actual-allergic to bees so…yah. No bee venom on these lips, lol. This girl is auuuuu naturelle.'
We came off that main Champs-Élysées Avenue, got on the road heading southeast, marched past a small school for special kids. The school had planter boxes full of veges even I recognised, and I hated veges. 'There you go Omar, see those? Eat up.'
He plucked a common-looking orange flower and munched it, picking orange shards from his teeth, slick with saliva. He rubbed his tummy. 'Mm-mmm, nutsturgeon. Y'know I'll only eat wild food? Paleo all the way. I hate processed.'
'Nasturtium, not 'nutsturgeon,' yo. Oi, you're telling me you wouldn't destroy a bag of potato chips if I opened one under your nose?'
Even over the sound of six friends walking and bickering in the middle of Mahony Road, I heard Chan's stomach rumble. My poor Channy's tummy was missing its protein shakes. Looking at all the muscle in his shoulders and thighs, he had to weigh 90 kilos. He had a massive metabolism and was used to having four meals a day, especially when beach season was coming up. He must've been ravenous from the moment he woke til the moment he slept, every day, and now, after two days with only one meal, I hated to think how his body was punishing him, making demands. My poor beautiful boy. I could've taken way better care of him than his so-called girlfriend.
Chan lifted his shirt and studied his abs for so long we all had a look. His stomach was divided into neat, hard rectangles. 'Jesus Christ, I'm hungry.' We heard his guts burble in agreement.
'Don't be blasphemin in fronta me,' Eli said. 'Someone might just strike you down.'
'Says who? There's no laws here.'
'Seriously?' Esther raced ahead and turned her chair side-on to stop us while she spoke. 'We need, like, policies and stuff. If Eden does die – sorry, sister, just need an example-person – but if any of us die, it's like super-important the money is–
'GUYS. SHUT. UP.'
Adam stepped onto the forecourt. He wore the apron and rubber gloves designed for the people that fill gas bottles here. He'd found heavy boots somewhere and had a pair of goggles on his head. 'If you've come to lynch me, you forgot your rope.'
'No harm shall come to any man,' Eli said, approaching with his hand in outreach. Anya emerged from the darkness between two pumps holding a fire hose and she smacked the metal nozzle on the bones of Eli's hand. He hissed and held his right wrist with his left and came back to our group of seven. Our majority.
'Hell'd you hurt him for, mech?' Kane pulled over his head the bedsheet cape he'd been wearing and approached Adam. 'Eli's my boy. You mess with him, you mess with me, and I'm about sick of your –
Anya took two strides forward and kicked Kane so hard between his legs that we heard the thud of her boot colliding with bone. He croaked 'Didn't even hurt- ' then turned around, fell over and tried to claw across the concrete. He slipped in a puddle of oil and his hands and teeth became black. Chan went to help him up and Anya warned him away with the fire hose.
'One squirt will knock you back a faaaair bit, Chanvateyyy,' Adam said with an evil sing-song lilt. 'I wouldn't do what you're dooo-ing.'
'You hurt my bro.'
'A 'bro' in that his wealthy, opulent, indolent, corpulent parents are indistinguishable from yours, I'll grant you that, yes. About as original as cookie cutter cut-outs, you people are.' Adam's fingers were laced in front of him, then he paced a little, doing the Hitler thing, and laced his fingers behind his back instead. He trusted Anya to smash anyone who bothered him. He could relax with her doing his dirt for him. 'There's a saying you should learn. It goes, "Some people are so poor, all they have is money." D'you like that? A favourite of mine.'
KT's thighs were squeezed together. 'Can we, like, sit down and stuff? I need to peeee.'
'KT: use my facilities if you plan to stay and work with my cooperative. My "community," if you will, is small but well-organised. We're disciplined and responsible. If you're not intending to side with me, however, kindly go elsewhere before I have you removed from my private property.'
Kane was sitting up by now, pretending he'd recovered. 'Private property, yeah right,' he spat, gasping. 'Stick your private property up your ass.'
Adam reached for Pump 2, casually entered a code, lifted the pump, and squirted petrol on Kane, soaking his shirt and arm and pants. Kane put his arms out in disbelief, fluid ripping off his fingers, then balled his hands so hard that petrol squirted out from his fists.
He stepped forward, and Adam squirted him again, and Kane stopped and stood there shuddering, letting the white pour out of his eyes and teeth.
'Diesel generators are marvellous things when you're in a pinch. I couldn't even pump this petrol without activating the generator. Must give my regards to the mechs who left it to be utilised by the Homo superior.'
'Adam Turing! What is honestly wrong with you? Do you want everyone to hate you?' My face was stained with tears. I couldn't believe it had been two days and my entire social circle was melting, people destroying each other – for what? For the right to use a service station bathroom?
Adam produced his lighter and flared it a few times, amused, like he'd never seen a tiny flame before. Chan and Eli and now Esther and Omar darted and ducked in front of him, trying to get around and help Kane, and Adam lowered the flame towards the petrol, and everyone gave up on helping Kane and moved back.
Anya came forward and Adam handed her the lighter. I caught snatches of Maeve between those two, Maeve hiding in the store, a packet of chips curled in her hand.
Adam reached under his clean, fresh BP shirt and pressed his belly button. His holoscreen appeared on his shoulder. There were photos of Kane, Chan, me, Esther – all of us.
He selected a video of Kane and me and our voices came over the speakers of the forecourt PA.
Suck my words, mech. Kane's voice.
Conch again, and I'm gonna conk you, mecha lover. Kane again.
MECHALOVER, will you shut up? My voice this time.
All the mean stuff we'd said to him. On tape.
'CHARGE!' Omar cried and upended a can of water over his head. 'Forward march, comrades! Raid his place! Pour water on yourself so you're flameproof!'
Chan armed himself with a windscreen scrubbing brush. 'I'm with you, bro. I got your back.'
'RUSH! RUSH!'
Adam forced a yawn again, stretched and even checked the time on his watch implant. I could see the numbers glowing under his skin. 6.39pm.
'So no one's respecting private property? Very well. Eden – I'll be dipping into the large hedge east of Wall Street, precisely 65 metres from the south end; Esther, I believe the reference section of the library has become a little bit … enriched. Kane, your bank was a piece of cake to find – nice work scraping that crosshairs target into the daycare centre sandpit. Very helpful. Fatima, yours was a cinch. The pond with the goldfish and the bubbling spring your friends have been getting drinking water from: a sumptuous location to bury your money. Who's next, hm?'
KT looked at all of our faces. 'Guys… ?'
'Don't you get it?' Kane gripped a petrol hose and hauled himself upright. 'Cunt's tryina divide and conquer.'
'MAEVE! GET OUT HERE RIGHT NOW! THAT'S AN ORDER!'
Maeve limped onto the forecourt and looked around for someone to heed. She had crumbs around her lips. She was licking her fingers and sucking them.
'Eli: yours is stashed in the Gideon bibles in the bedside drawers of each motel unit,' Adam continued, 'Ho hum: Chanvatey: library, under the bean bags. Omar: 15 parcels hidden under 15 rocks in 15 different sections within the botanic garden. Yawn. Need I continue?'
'How… the … heck… do you know that? Guys? How does Adam know – '
'Know what?'
'Know where the millions are.'
Fatima and KT broke away and sprinted into the night.
'I'm comin for a big bottle of Mountain Dew,' Kane warned Adam, his nose twitching, stung by petrol fumes, 'Try and stop me.'
'You were warned,' Adam said and retreated indoors, leaving his bodyguard on the forecourt. 'Anya? Burn him.'
We could have taken her, as a united group, but Anya lowered the flame to the pool of petrol, Kane retreated, and we retreated with him.
Maeve was the last to come, and she stopped on the edge of the BP, looking back at Adam.
'It's okay Maeve,' I heard him say. 'We talked about this. You know what to do.'
'GONNAMAKETHISRIGHT,' I growled at him. 'You NEED us.'
Adam hovered with the door open in one hand. 'I've already got what I needed from you.'