We didn't break up that night. We didn't promise to stay with each other either, nor wait.
-
I felt a ray of sunshine touched my face, that cause me to wake up and I found myself wrapped inside Myles' arms. I smiled. I like waking up to this, a great way to start a day.
I slowly tapped his shoulders to wake him up and he slowly opened his eyes.
"I will be having meeting today with your company. I have to go early today." I said and hurriedly prepared myself.
We are one step closer to our dreams.
I was planning to be a film director for the longest time while he will be a screenplay writer, even on the other hand Myles has already began to build his name in the industry for quite some time now and to think we just graduated from college. His works being a hit almost every time says it all. Almost. Since his screenplay that I handled was not that successful and I blame myself for it.
If it wasn't for him, it would've flopped already.
All of his other works were a total success and by that I really know who is at fault.
I already thought to myself that maybe the filming industry isn't for me, that being a director isn't really my supposed job.
I was on the verge of giving up even if this is my passion. It made me think that sometimes, no matter how much you wanted a thing is, no matter how much you put an effort to it, if you don't have the talent then it doesn't have any sense to try so hard.
This is my reality about this field, despite knowing that, this is what I want to do for living.
I might love to be a director so much, but it keeps on failing me regardless of all the efforts I've put.
I was really about to give up, but because of Myles I've decided to give it a one more go, since he convinced me to get a hold of my dreams.
Our dreams.
I encouraged myself to keep on going, hoping everything will work out this time... For the promise the we made.
Our promise was to make it big in the industry and make the best films together. Achieving things together. It is always together, so I have to keep on going for me, and for him. I don't want to let him down.
"Wish me luck." I said. He smiled and kissed me on my forehead "good luck." He replied and gave me another kiss, this time on my lips. I felt at ease, I might really have great day. I really hope so.
I went directly to the company where I work with cold feet. I feel really nervous for this project even I was already assigned as the director for this, because I feel like this is my chance for all the rejected projects that I received and low rating films that I did.
I've grown a weak heart from all of it. Well, I still have to stay positive and hope for a great outcome no matter what.
Today will be the day that we will be discussing about the newest film that I'll be handling and the person appointed for the screenplay for this project was no other than Myles.
Me and Myles have been waiting for this day. It's been a while since we were able to work together and I am much happier and determined to do well for this. I really want to do good, I want to at least prove to them that I can be good in this job of mine, that I wasn't pushing myself in this field.
Actually this is the first big project for me, even if this was just a short film, I consider this as the biggest film project that I got to handle since people have high expectations and has been anticipating a lot from a new work made by Myles, by means, there is a lot of pressure.
Working with someone who is considered a genius is a lot of pressure. Clearly, I can't let anyone down.
As I went to the meeting room, I came across with two people that went out from the room. Maybe they were there for a meeting before us.
I went in and felt the atmosphere quite heavy. I saw one of the project producer and few other prod crews, they were all staring at me, it made me anxious and even more nervous, instead of showing those emotions I chose to smile.
The project producer stood up while looking at me and pointed about going outside. I don't like this. It makes me feel nauseated, making it hard to breath. Maybe I am just overthinking things.
I'm just overthinking things, there's nothing wrong with those stares. I said trying to convince myself.
"Ms. Rimorta I have a news for you about the meeting." He started
"Actually it was already done." I creased my forehead hearing what he said.
I'm sure that I was on time and there's still a few more minutes left before the actual schedule for the meeting will actually start.
"Matthew Myles Hineva. The writer's film company crew went here right? The ones who just left. They went here to say a few words and rescheduled the meeting if this little conflict will get solved" he said explaining so vaguely.
I didn't say a thing and just waited for the producer to speak once again, I have no idea what to say anyway.
"They said that they want another director for the film." He continued. My lips parted knowing about I was the little conflict he was talking about.
"I'm sorry, Ms. Rimorta but I will have to appoint a new director since it will be a big loss if the project won't be push through just because… you know." he said shrugging his shoulder like it was nothing.
Like it was no big deal and he could just throw me out from the job. He didn't even think about it nor tried to be at least a little polite to withraw me as the director.
"What was the problem, may I know at least?" I manage to muster a courage to ask why they don't want me to be the director. I need to hear the reason even if it will hurt me, it might at least ease the pain if the excuse was something understandable.
"They said it will be pretty bad if the rating will be low just because of an amateur director will be handling it. Telling about not wanting Mr. Hineva's talent put to waste, they prefer someone who could show his full potentials as the genius writer." He explained.
So it was because of Myles. They were afraid that I might bring him down.
I'm more speechless now that I felt like crying. How do I face Myles about this? About me getting kick out from the primary team and to think it was because of him.
Can't my pride get be more crushed?
"Sir, couldn't you at least reconsider? I will work hard for the film." I said on the verge to beg for the project. "I don't know. We'll see if I can do anything." He plainly replied
I couldn't speak up anymore and just nodded. The producer was quick to leave right after.
I don't want to go home because Myles will be there waiting for me. I want to get lost, go somewhere far, but of course, I can't do that, and I don't have any choice but to go home and hope that he won't ask about my day since I don't want him to be down. I don't want him to be disappointed...
Actually... not just that reason alone
What I don't want is to reflect in his eyes with pity. Being a talented person like him got it all easy, they don't need to even try, as if they have already a reserved seat in the top of this hierarchy and a person like me be running to keep on chasing dreams for nothing.
On the top they will be looking down on you with pity and I don't want that.
Gladly when I got home he wasn't around so hurriedly went to sleep. I was not in the mood for explanations nor in the mood to see his face, I might get mad for nothing. I might blame him when he did nothing but do his job that he always wanted.
Who I was kidding?
No matter how I try to sleep right now I just can't. Same goes for the tears that kept on falling down in my face. I slowly wiped my tears when I heard the door opened and a voice calling my name. It's Myles.
I pretended to sleep in spite of having a hard time to breathe from crying, I just can't let him know.
I suddenly felt a presence in front of me. I don't know, but I think Myles is sitting at the side of the bed while looking at me. I almost opened my eyes when he caressed my cheeks but I managed to stay still.
Not long enough the bed moved as he laid down on the other side of the bed. I was still in the same position, facing the window where all he could see from his side is my back. The place was dark, it was really quiet, I felt him wrapped me around his arms.
I felt really bad being mad at him, I just can't stop my emotions. We were supposed to walk a path side by side, but he was already ahead of me and by that I felt so small and useless.
I was around in his arms all night before I fell asleep, it felt so good, but it feels like the last good thing that will ever happen to me.
Three days after that I got a call about being the director for the film again. I was happy, but it felt like something was off. I chose not to think about it too much, I was filled with negativity already so I'm trying not to think too much.
The filming started not long enough and everything went fast, I somehow enjoyed filming, I even poured all my heart into it especially that I was given the trust to handle the project in the end.
I just hope the film will be a hit this time.
Soon enough. Without me noticing it was the day for the film to be released.
And another failure waited for me.
The sales were great, especially for the first few days since people have been waiting for the newest work from Mr. Matthew Myles Hineva.
The sales were great, but the ratings were low. The reviews were all about how the film has a lot lacking, that the story was not justified and so on.
If it weren't for Myles again who wrote the story, I'm sure the movie will not do any good.
"You shouldn't have done that." I said to Myles who was standing in front of me "You must have find it entertaining seeing me get crushed." My heart was heaving in pain, tears were falling. I'm crying. Again.
I found out that Myles knew, that I was kicked out at first being the director and he was the one who told his company that I should be the director or he will be cancelling the contract for the film.
I'm so devastated and felt so horrible. First I thought I only need to put my efforts even if nothing seems to pay off and I didn't know I also need a helping hand just to get a project, how worse can I get?
I want to blame everything to him, I want to pour out every frustration about not being good enough to stand on his side. I chose not to, in fact I know the problem was me. It was the lacking of talent. Screw this life.
I'm even trying to put the blame on the only person who believes I can make it, that I can reach my dreams, that I can be successful. I'm trying to put the blame on him because I felt small standing his side while he was able to build his name already and I was left behind. Despite that, I still have no right to blame him no matter what.
So, I need to step backward and make my own path. I need to be better. I want to do better.
"Don't get the wrong idea, I just wanted to help you." He replied in his most serene voice, the voice that can calm anyone.
He took a step forward and hugged me tightly, my tears were pouring, that made his shirt wet.
"I've decided." I trailed, breaking off the hug and intently stared at his dark brown eyes.
I'm gonna miss those pair of eyes who looks at me with all sincerity.
"I'm going to get better, better enough to have the same path you are taking." I continued while forcing a smile
He stayed silent but I know he understood what I meant. The tears that was falling down in his face says it all.
"No…" he managed to speak up somehow
"See you?" I said with a smile on my face and rested my head on his chest for a few minutes. We stayed there in silence. We will see each other again for sure.
Someday.
I wonder where will our separated paths will take us…
I decided to study again in a top university overseas, this time, I took something that focuses in film making.
I feel like I have to start again from scratch since I want to be better for him and for myself.
In order to fulfill our dreams first step was to build myself up, even if I initially want to stay by his side. I realize I shouldn't, because it'll tear me to pieces and I might really reach to the point of hating the guy that I love.
I want to be always happy for his success and for that to happen I have to work on myself.
When I'll become someone in par of him, maybe not as good as him or what, but as long as I have something to prove of having a worth is enough to face him again.
I have been busy doing my own stuff and focused on making myself better after that night, it was hard to function without him, it hurts every time, thinking he might one day lay his eyes on someone new since we never promised anything.
Instead of getting discourage by the thought, I worked hard to achieve my dreams as soon as possible and now I am successful director. I've finally achieved my dreams after three years, I can say good enough to make big hit films.
Me and Myles sometimes talk after that night but we became afraid to become each other's destruction and we eventually stopped talking. It was sad but it wasn't bad, we got to focus on our respective works and made our own ways, and that was life making its own way. I was happy about everything because even if I went through a lot, all the pain was worth it.
Three years. I sure miss him. After all he was the person who made me whole, who believed in me, who understands me the most. We aren't together anymore for 3 years, we broke up. I wonder how he's been since I have no updates about his personal life anymore.
I wonder if we could see each other anytime soon. I've always hoped we could work together, not just for films but for what we have left behind as well. Though I��m not expecting much anymore.
On my way home I decided to buy my favorite pastry in the bakeshop nearby, and ordered a cup of coffee. I immediately went ahead when I got my order and I saw a familiar face. I said I wanted to see him soon, didn't know it will be this soon.
We finally crossed paths again.
He just walked ahead and passed right before me. I'm sure though that it was the same guy that I love. I stopped and looked behind me and was surprised seeing him stopped his way as well. I thought he didn't notice, but he's looking at me right now.
For three years. three years, I get to see him again and God I miss him so much.