I was hyperventilating as I sat down on the floor of the elevator, looking at Jeff. I heard his muffled voice reach my ears like I was immersed in the water. I was screaming on top of my lungs, but I knew nothing came out. It didn't take long before I blacked out into oblivion, losing my complete grip on what was happening around me.
I had no idea how long I was out when I started hearing muffled voices again. As those voices registered in my head, my nose picked up the smell of antiseptics, and I realized I could be at the hospital. My eyes were still blurry as I opened my eyes. "Where am I?" I asked a nurse who stood near me with a smile.
"You are safe and at the Hills Hospital, Brooklyn," she replied, which triggered the memory of feeling utter helplessness hits me like a wave. I started hyperventilating, and the nurse's smile faded as she looked out of the room. I saw Dylan walk in shortly after. "Hey, Meg, what is happening? Why are having these attack?"
I looked at him wide-eyed as I struggled to breathe. He sat down next to me on my bed and looked at the nurse, who quickly left the room with a nod. "Talk to me, Meg! What is so scared of? Did your boss Jeff say something to you? I will kick his ass, I swear to god!" He looked away from me as he grit his teeth in anger. I tried to calm myself before I spoke and said, "No... it's not Jeff. It's my fault, Dyl!"
He looked at me with a smile that would melt my heart and make me feel calm all at once, he took my hand in his as he said, "Meg, whatever it is then I have to tell you that I am there for you. Jeff told me that you had been very upset in the office, and everyone was worried about you. How come you never said anything, and he also said that you collapsed when you saw your mom's call on your cell."
He stopped as he assessed my face to see how I was reacting my lips twitched as he expressed his concern. "So, is it something in your family that is concerning you?" he asked, hoping to have an answer from me this time.
"It's not entirely that, Dyl. I don't know what I am doing with my life," I said, and I felt my eyes overflowing as quickly as I finished my sentence. Dylan quickly dragged the chair that lay on the side and sat next to me with a smile. "Are you kidding? You are doing great, you are a fiction editor at the top publishing house in NYC, and you are very independent. You are the strongest woman that I have come across in many years. Trust me."
I smiled a little as I wiped my tears away. "It is not that, Dyl! To be honest, I don't know what is happening between us. I have no idea why I can't tell you 'no' when I need to, and it hurts me whenever I see that you will never be what I hope," my heart was breaking, and now the echoes could be heard everywhere. He looked away for a bit as his face grew more intense.
"So, I am the one causing you this trouble. I don't know what to say anymore," he said as he shook his head, and I could see disappointment over his face, but I didn't realize if he was disappointed with me, or himself.
He sat there for a few minutes, and then he stood there looking at me. I couldn't understand what was going on in his head, nor that he was willing to spill it out. "The nurse will come to check on you every hour. You will be discharged by tomorrow morning, and I will be here tonight if you need me for anything," he said and stormed away from my room before I could respond.
I lied there like a corpse for, don't know how long until I heard a knocking on the door. I looked up to find Jeff standing at the door with a smile, "Hey Meg! Are you feeling okay?" I forced a smile on my face as I nodded. He came in and sat down on the chair where Dylan was seated before.
"I didn't know your boyfriend was Dr. Dylan Hill. Thankfully, I brought you to the right place, anyhow." I didn't know how to respond, so I lied there, hoping he won't ask any further questions and would leave me alone to die in my misery. Maybe I was being a little dramatic at this point, but my life was way more dramatic than anyone could ever imagine, so I deserved it.
As the silence grew stronger, Jeff smiled nervously and asked, "Is there anything that I can do for you? You seem to panic a lot these days. I would recommend you to ask your family to come down here. At least for a while?"
I nodded and looked at him, I knew my eyes were calling out for help, and nobody was aware of what I was going through, and the only one who knew was ignoring me entirely. Jeff sat there for a few minutes before he got up and prepared to leave.
"Thank you, Jeff, it means a lot that you care so much," I said in a frail voice as he started walking to the door. He turned around as he heard me and smiled at me and nodded at me understandingly, and said, "Goodnight, Megan! Take a rest."
As he left the room, I was again left to ponder over my deep stream of emotions which was drowning me every day without letting me breathe life into my soul. I thought of every reason why I had to escape this for my health, and every time I remembered the man I loved. I had that one reason to stop me from doing it.
I heard Dylan's voice approaching my room as I was drifting through my thoughts and turned my eyes at the door. "Meg, your blood test results came. I think the pill that you took had created some toxins in your body." I sat in my bed and heard Dylan's words which were fast and hard to make sense.
"So, what does that mean?" I asked, looking at him and then at the nurse who accompanied him inside. He looked at her and then said, "your body must have rejected the pill, and the toxin made the fluctuations in your blood pressure. That can explain your mood swings as well. But no worries, you will be entirely fine after a good rest."
I didn't quite understand what he meant entirely, but I could understand that the pill didn't do any good to my body. "Will I be able to go home tomorrow?" I asked. He smiled and nodded at me, which was a good thing, but I was still not sure if I was ready to go back to my home and be in that space all by myself.
Dylan turned to the nurse and said, "I can take it from here, nurse Randall." She was a fairly, old woman who had a very motherly smile on her face the entire time. "Dr. Hill, page us if you need anything. We will be right around." She left as soon as she said that. And Dylan sat on the chair next to me with the same intensity reflecting on his face as before.
"You don't have to stay. I can manage," I said without really turning my face towards him. He took a deep sigh as he answered, "Meg, I am the worst person alive on this planet now, don't make me feel even worse."
"I am making you feel worse, Dyl? How could you say that to me?" I said, hoping that he will not storm out of the room again. But he didn't move or look up at me so continued, "I love you, Dyl, and there is nothing in this world that I won't do for you. All I ask is to try, and all you have to do is let me in for once."
Dylan stood up from his seat in a swift motion and kept his hand on my mouth, standing just a few inches away from my face. "I know you do. I am not blind. I can see in the way you look at me and how much you want me every time I am close to you. You crave me, and I know it is out of love and not lust. That is what keeps me hooked. I can't let go even if I want to," he continued to look deeply into my eyes and said, "Meg, you have me."