Awkward was a good word to describe how she was feeling the next morning and going through the clothing that was there in the closet and dresser drawer. It wasn't that the clothing was overly revealing or that any of it was inappropriate. It was just so damn….fancy to her. Everything there was brand new, never used, unlike what she was used to. Either hand me downs or thrift store clothes.
There was also a sense that none of it was her style. This was the wardrobe of the prep kids that had been on the bus with her. Of the types of kids that always got what they wanted and always bought the most expensive clothing, not because it looked nice but because it had a high price tag on it.
So it was no wonder her morning was filled with inner conflict on what she was supposed to wear. She was almost inspired to go into fashion design just because of the crappy selection that was there. How was any of herself supposed to show through with these choices?
He had told her he expected her to wear what he provided. She was thinking hard about what he had said and she just scowled a bit now. She had decided yesterday that despite the fact she was convinced he wasn't human, and he may have made some insane fucked up claim to own her, he didn't own squat.
An idea came to her after a few moments and then she slowly couldn't help the grin come to her as she finally found some use for the clothing that was there in the drawers. In fact, she almost liked some of the parallels the theme of her idea almost had to the fact that she had been on death's door that night with the bus. The fact that she was the only one of her science class not dead, but her life wasn't the same or as some people thought, her own anymore.
Quickly she pulled out one of the mini skirts. Wrinkling her nose at the fact it was so short. It gave catholic school girls vibes. She had plenty of guy friends who were obsessed with video games and anime, she was all too familiar with how guys enjoyed THAT them, even if she thought they were a bunch of dorks for it.
Tossing the plaid red and black mini skirt over to the bed she shuffled through the underwear. For all the lacy and fancy fringy shit she had been finding. She did finally find a pair of garter shorts. Those accompanied the skirt on the bed before she went to look through the various tops that were hanging in the closet.
White was the usual color she knew that would go with the catholic school girl theme. But she wasn't really going for that. No she was going to twist it around, so instead she looked until she found a really nice, soft and silky black button up shirt. Pulling it out she looked it over and had no doubt it probably cost a hundred dollars or so. Way more than it was worth in her opinion as it got tossed to the pile.
Despite her plan, she knew it was going to get a bit dirty. She went ahead and took a shower. She didn't know what all he could do, but if he was as fast and strong as he was, how far fetched would it be he could smell? If he could, then she wanted him to know she hadn't been moping and let herself go. No her entire look and every bit of it was intentional, and a big blaring. 'Fuck you'.
Getting out of the shower she looked over her pale features in the mirror and the black hair that was clinging to her. For a moment she had to pause as she realized she had no makeup, and she had no hair ties. All of her stuff was with her friends at the moment and she was limited with what he provided her and what she had on her person.
There was at least a brush and the bare basics there though. Basic hygiene care, though nothing to help her with her look. At least not in the house. She would've liked the eyeliner and some of the eyeshadow colors to really be able to bring out some features she wanted to go for but she had to make due.
Using the fluffy robe that had been there despite her dislike for most of the fancy stuff she couldn't help adore it. It was soft and fluffy, one of those really expensive plush robes that hugged you in warmth, she would deny it if anyone asked, but she couldn't help but have always secretly wanted a robe like this when she saw them in stores. But not enough to pay the price tag.
Letting her take that little bit of joy at the tiny pro that came from her situation as she saw it. Then she let herself move past it as she looked at her reflection and her hair. She was going to have to figure out how to tie it up without hair ties. Pigtails she felt was an absolute necessity for what she was doing here.
Walking back out to the bed from the bathroom she looked down at the clothes. Picking up the silk shirt and looking it over just to see how long it was as she thought about the alterations she was going to do. She decided she could make some ribbons out of what she took off the bottom to tie her hair up.
The small kitchenette had a pair of cooking scissors and though she knew that one shouldn't mix their use with fabric she was going to do it anyways. Then she paused looking at the scissors then over at the knives seeming to think. Then she put the scissors back and just grabbed one of the cutting knives for prep work from the wood block. THIS would add to the look she was going for a bit better. Scissors would cut to clean.
Going over to the silk shirt she did pause for a moment looking down at it. She had no problem altering her own clothes for the various costumes she went to school in at random. But this technically, was it really hers? She frowned as she debated her plan again. He expected her to wear them, but was he so psycho like her dad to be one of those who say they give you something but really to them it was theirs. Would she be destroying her clothes or his the way he would see it.
Then she decided it was his fault for not making the distinction and she lifted the shirt up as she sat on the bed. Knife soon cutting through the silk before she set it down and literally ripped it with her own hands along the threads all the way around. Doing this again a second time until she had two long ragged ribbons of silk she could use for her hair.
Through all of her plotting and getting ready the loud sounds of music of course were surrounding her every move. Her voice was gentle as she sang with the music, reveling in Poets of the Fall and letting their words fall over her as a wash of comfort and to feed her strength. Currently listening to the song 'Daze' it almost gave her new inspiration as she worked.
"Set the world on Fire, with bittersweet desire, to chase away the night. Let the whole world burn. Set the world on Fire, for bliss in sweet denial, oblivion and peace, will you let me burn…." Her voice sang and entwined with the voice from the song as though they were one. Though a voice of an angel, gentle and sweet, there was a fierce determination behind her voice as well with those words. She had her moments of weakness before, he had thrown her off her game the night they had met, up until last night. Now she was fueled by pure rebellion.
Pulling her hair tight on either side of her head it took some work as she wasn't used to working with ribbon this way. In fact it was rather difficult, if she ever wanted ribbons in her hair she would've used hair ties first and then covered them up with the ribbon. Instead here she was having to rely on the ribbons themselves to hold it in place.
Finally though, she was able to get pigtails up and the ties to hold them in place she had made tight, wrapping the ribbon enough that they weren't just going to fall down. No it would take a few minutes to undo them to get them out.
Looking at her reflection after ensuring that they sat evenly and symmetrical on either side of her head instead of lopsided she went back out to the bedroom. The underwear she felt a bit sheepish with. Normally she went with the usual granny style underwear and simple bras, functionality instead of looks because she never considered anyone would ever see them anyways. Yet all of these were for show as well utility and she couldn't help feel embarrassed about it.
Wearing it made her feel like she was expecting someone to see it which didn't feel right to her, it wasn't the truth in her eyes. But it was that or she went with dirty undies from the day before and that she wasn't fond of either. Giving a sigh she finally settled on matching black lacy underwear and bra. Looking at herself in the mirror and then just going bright red. Nope, people like her didn't wear things like this, it was like looking at a train wreck of desperation for trying to be attractive which she didn't feel she was at all.
She quickly put the robe back on to cover herself up and shook her head to herself over it. Going and pulling on the garter shorts so at least she felt a bit more covered up then she looked at the mini skirt and the already ruined black silk shirt. She was completely mortified and embarrassed by the nice undies no one would see, but she didn't give two thoughts to the message the rest of her outfit would most likely scream.
No it didn't even cross her mind that anyone would find her attractive in it. She expected she was making a mockery of it, especially with the next steps as she went outside with the two hand in hand. Looking to see that her driver had yet to arrive, which she wasn't surprised it was a bit early to be leaving when going by a car instead of a bike.
She was just so used to her bike riding schedule and she was always keen on being at school early that she had risen before the sun even had a chance to remember to wake up. Just now was it starting to peek over the horizon as she walked barefoot down the steps of the cabin porch and to the earth.
No hesitation was in her steps as she used the knife to apply a few rips in the skirt as well to look as though it had been ripped or clawed a bit. Then she went and knelt carefully by the ground so that the robe didn't get too dirty as she used her hands to claw into the dirt and pull it free. Even reaching towards piles of leaves and small tufts of moss and grass that was growing along the edges of the gravel drive.
Rubbing the dirt into both the skirt and the silk shirt both inside and out. The smell of fresh earth and forest clung to them that even she could smell and she relaxed a bit knowing she'd get to have that for a while before eventually it would probably fade through the day, but at least it could be a comfort to her for a small time.
Standing up she went back inside. Setting the robe aside and seeing that despite her attempts to avoid it getting dirty it was going to need washed or at least dusted off when she didn't have dirty hands. So she simply hung it up by the bathroom door on the hook and then she slid into the mini skirt. Looking down at herself as it fit just right, clinging to her form and showing off the curves where it was still able to hold on, while the other tatters hung loosely.
Pulling on the silk shirt, half wishing it hadn't been a short sleeve because having one long sleeve and one ripped up one would've helped the look. But instead her arms were bare and her pale clean skin seemed to contrast from the dark colors and dirt of her clothes. Reaching down she didn't button up the top that was left. Instead she pulled the bottom frayed corners tight across her chest then tied them.
Making a whole different look with the top as she did so, her stomach exposed while her breasts were even more defined. Though she didn't seem to really think about that. She was looking down at herself and trying to consider what else would help the look. Reaching up she did a small rip in the pocket above her left breast. Though it didn't reveal anything it made the outfit look more frayed.
She went and looked at herself in the mirror for a moment. Her hands were covered in dirt, as was her clothing. Her look was slowly coming together and she really wished she had her makeup in the moment as she looked herself over. Some shades of purples, reds, yellows and greens really would have helped with a visual of rotting or sunken flesh in key parts of her face and body.
Instead she had only nature to help her with her attire, that and the knife. She went to the few shoe boxes that had been there, she hadn't been sure what to expect. Probably something with heels which would just lead to her breaking her leg she figured. She could have used her own tennis shoes but she had to put more effort at destruction to get the zombie look since she didn't have other colors to utilize.
She was right, a lot of fancy dress shoes she was going to have to tell him she'd never wear unless he wanted her to break her neck. But then she found a white pair of expensive running shoes. She looked them over for a moment then nodded and got to work on them. Using the knife to rip into the sides and add wear and tear to them.
Going back outside she went to work to dirty them inside and out. By the time she was done with them, they didn't look like they had been brand new when she first touched them. Instead they looked like the rest of her outfit. Worn down and rotted, like she had literally crawled out of a grave.
Even the soft cotton socks she had to ruin so it wouldn't stand out. Her outfit was a little rough on the skin, she could feel every bit of grit and dirt from it upon her skin. Normally that might have bothered her but she was on a mission, a quest. As she always did with her costumes to school, everything she did had a purpose.
The only thing she had left to do was to apply the look to the rest of her exposed body. Moving outside the sun had now risen enough and she knew that the driver would probably be there any minute. Going into the woods she again pulled up dirt from the ground and started to rub it all over her body. Even into her hair, finding patches of moss she made sure to find places where it would get stuck or caught on parts of her outfit.
Adjusting a few twigs to get stuck in her pigtails after really giving them a toss up to be wild and messy. Even wiping her face down with the dirt until every bit of her was exactly the look she was going for. Going back inside she looked at herself, moving her hands over her face she smoothed out patches of dirt in different contours to try and help give the illusion of sunken in as best as she could. It didn't really pull it off but it was as good as it was going to get.
Looking at herself at the full length mirror in the bedroom she put her hands on her hips and took in her handiwork. She looked like a living nightmare almost. She knew she would turn heads because it wasn't every day someone came in looking like a zombie or covered in dirt and ripped up clothing. She had made sure everything she did still fit the school dress code just as always, but she couldn't help the grin she had.
She had a feeling her and Mr. Sinclair, the school's vice principal was going to have a chat. But that was ok, they always had good chats. Even with his disapproving looks with her outfits half the time he had admitted he couldn't help but appreciate how she did keep the school rules in consideration even if it was still distracting in different ways. That and she never argued with him, never gave him an attitude over his lectures.
Of course she had to admit this outfit was going quite a bit farther then her others ever had. But she was willing to get sent home this time. The last time she had a chat with the school officials she had been able to at least remove the fairy wings from her gothic fairy look and the rest of her attire was considered 'tolerable'. But here she couldn't take anything off, and she wasn't going to take a change of clothes this time.
Picking up her backpack she went to her phone and turned the music off she had playing on it while it was plugged in. She looked at herself and paused, she had no pockets with this outfit, she had overlooked that need in her eagerness to really throw him for a loop. She went and put the phone in her backpack and then went and worked to slip her headphones through her clothing, snaking the earbuds up to her ears which were somewhat covered by her long pigtails that hung down to her shoulders and were a wild mess.
The only problem was she had no pocket to put the tiny little mp3 player. Looking at herself she went and tucked it under one of her breasts in the bra. No one would know where it was unless they actually tried digging for it, and she wasn't about to let anyone that close to her ever so she felt comfortable with her solution to lack of pockets.
She was ready to face the day as she looked at her reflection then looked out the window to see that the car was out there now. The sound of music in one of her ears that had the earbud in, while the other hung loosely near her ear. She opened the door and stepped out with all the confidence of the world in what she was wearing as she made her way to the car and got in with an almost hyper active air about her.
"Howdy howdy. How's your morning going?" she asked as she sat in the back seat, her backpack sitting next to her as she closed the door. She looked at his eyes in the rearview mirror as it was about the only part of his face she could see. However he was wearing sunglasses hiding his eyes. She saw a slight narrowing of his eyebrows and she could only guess he was frowning at what he could see of her in the rearview mirror.
Yet it didn't even phase her. Though she frowned slightly when he didn't say anything and just started driving. She couldn't help it as he gave her the silent treatment. It made her feel the need to push him to be social with her. As if to prove that she wasn't unnerved by it. "Silent treatment huh? Alright. Just going to warn you though. I'll get you chatting with me eventually."
"And you're probably all. 'Na, that ain't happening.'" She said with a grin and light hearted humorous tone. "'I don't talk to crazy nutzo zombie chicks'" She continued, her voice almost a mock macho voice as if to represent his thoughts. "But eventually, I'm gonna grow on you, one of these days." She said in a kid sister sort of way as she looked out the window.
"I mean if for nothing else, you'll have to talk to me just to tell me to shut the hell up." She added as though if he did it wouldn't phase her at all and she was expecting he would at some point. She paused as she thought she almost heard a cough in the front seat and she looked in front of her towards him but she wasn't getting any indication of if he had been trying not to laugh or if she was just hearing things. "Don't worry, I promise if you tell me to shut up, I won't tell that big scary sugar daddy psycho that you did either." She added just trying to get something outta the guy whether it was to see if it would piss him off for her to refer to Nathanial that way or if he'd find it funny. Yet she couldn't tell if she was having any effect.
She sighed as she sat back while he just kept driving. "Oh! And don't worry. I won't give up on us being friends." she said with mock dramatic determination. She was acting childish and silly and she very well knew it, but that was part of it all after all. That hyperactive happy go lucky persona she showed the world was what she allowed the world to see of her.
The costumes she wore? That was a part of the mask as well, an excuse for her to hide behind for her own insecurities. She knew, she knew she didn't need the costumes for people to treat her the way that they did. It wasn't until she had moved up here that she had ever started to do anything to draw attention to herself.
The truth of it all was that she drew people's attention regardless because she just couldn't seem to act right for any of them. She didn't quite grasp what it was about her that made her such a terrible person to everyone around her. Didn't know what it was she always did wrong when she cared or tried to be kind to everyone around her. Yet no matter how kind, how forgiving, how caring or loving of people she was, it was as though she was the scourge of the earth. She didn't deserve to be treated the way she tried to treat the world, she deserved the mud beneath the boot and maybe not even that.
So she started to find things she could do. Things that were innocent and harmless to anyone but she knew was abnormal. The costumes was something she could blame. She could blame all the hate and cruel words, even the acts of her own friends at times and her own family when they drove their knives in deeper. She had something she could CHOOSE to do that gave them a reason, and because it was her choice it softened the blows that rained down upon her.
Her blue eyes that had simply been deep seas of ocean held the subtle flicks of green in them now as if shifted by the mood or her own inner desires to hold tight to these masks and tricks of survival she had taught herself to get through each and every day.
Growing quiet for a time as the car drove before they finally pulled up. Her thoughts focused on the anticipation of what the day was going to bring. She knew conflict was coming, the assault of words from her peers she had grown bark skin against, that wasn't entirely what she felt a rising fear and hesitation as the car came to a stop. Seeing people going inside she was instead more focused on what was laying in wait inside.
Her moves had been bold and she knew she was making one hell of a statement with her actions. But she couldn't help a waver in her confidence, she didn't welcome death and here she was playing with fire no doubt. Her eyes glanced at the rearview mirror and the sunglasses that gave her nothing, but she couldn't help but feel he was watching her and waiting.
Pulling into herself tight that false cheerful persona as though she was dressed normal and her life was a barrel of sunshine and rainbows she took strength in it. No matter what he did, she reminded herself even if he brought her death, she at least kept the most important parts of herself safe.
"Well, I cannot wait to see what we chat about after school. I hope you have a wonderful day." she said with a bright smile and there was a level of honesty to her words. Despite it all, she did hope he had a good day.
Perhaps that was also part of the enigma for her. Even while she was so false and covered in the lies of masks, she was also able to be so genuine in her wishes of wellness and her show of care for those around her. The only falsities of her happy persona and words she said, were the parts that covered up her negativity, but the positivity she bled into the world was true in it's own form of purity.
She opened the door and climbed out. Closing the door behind her as she pulled her backpack over her shoulder. Giving him a wave and a smile though she couldn't see him well through the black tinted side windows and the windshield had the glare of the sun. Seeing the car then move on she turned to look at the school. Pausing as she saw some people were already staring at her. Another day in life.