Stockholm syndrome is what I have. It's not that I've been kidnapped or anything; it's just that I have fallen in love with what has captured me: skin that mirrored the color of the paper bags that held our ham sandwiches, our Chubby Sodas, our Kool-aid Jammers and an apple; eyes that emulated the hazelnut that was transformed into the spread that had a hue acceptable for food, but not skin color; the facial structure that was fit for those that enjoyed the harvest, but not reaped it; the hair that held the waves of the ocean that brought the unwanted by the ones who wanted the unwanted. I was captivated by those and I fell in love with those... yet, those were captivated by something else.
"Rose, Rose, Rose, Roselia Hikari Clark!" came a voice that ripped me out of my inner monologue.
"What!" I whispered harshly as I turned around to my friend, Avalynne.
"Look who's looking at you~" she sang while twisting curly lock of her hair around a thin, bony finger. Her gray eyes darted to the left as she tilted her head to the left as well. She might have thought that she looked cool, but to me, she looked as if her body was having an existential crisis.
I looked over to where she was looking, and my heart jumped into my throat when I caught the hazelnut brown eyes of Sebastian Woodes with my chocolate brown ones.
He smiled at me, making me squeal on the inside, but raise an eyebrow on the outside.
Keep it cool Rose, keep it cooool
"How may I help you?" I asked even though my heart felt as if was going to pop out of my chest. Sometimes, I wish that my heart wasn't there sometimes. That way, it would make it easier to speak to him.
"Your bow is crooked," he informed with a smirk, the smirk that has to power to melt me a thousand times.
"And why are you watching me? " I queried, even though I really wanted to thank him and possibly ask him to fix it for me.
He paused, and his expression changed to that of a straight face. "Never mind," he sighed, then turned around to face the front.
"Stop flirting Rosen," teased Ava while flashing me her white, but rather crooked teeth. That's the one thing that separated Ava from perfection, well excluding the fact that she was not smart at all.
"I was not flirting Ava, and stop calling me Rosen, Jayva," I retorted, intentionally calling her by the name that is the combination of hers and the boy who she liked
.
"I told you I don't like him," she retorted a little too loudly, which caused our teacher's gaze to snap in our direction.
"Miss Avalynne, I am going have to ask you to leave the class if you can't be quiet," reprimanded our teacher, Mr. Birn.
"~So you say, so you say~" I sang as her face turn bright red.
"Well at least I know my feelings towards Jayson, you don't know if you love Sebastian or not," she whispered in a matter-of-factly way when Mr. Birn adverted his gaze from us.
"Yes, I do love Sebastian," I retorted in a quiet whisper.
"Then you should tell him," she chided while pulling at her necktie.
"Later," I sighed, then perked up. "Hey, I think he likes me back you know!"
"How do YOU know," she asked while wiggling her brows.
"I just..."
"Ms. Clark, seeing as you cannot keep your mouth shut, why don't you tell the class what the author meant by "Reflections of fear make shadows of nothing," demanded Mr Birn. I believe that if he wasn't as black as tar, he would have been red in anger or annoyance.
I groaned as I got up and so did the chair as it made a screeching sound as it scraped the dull, yellow lyonium floor. "Well Mr. Birn, I believe that the author is trying to say, if you reflect or display your fears you will gain nothing from it. It's a simple form of symbolism in writing that provides the imagery to the readers of the intangible feelings. Basically, you will only be staring into a one sided or foggy mirror and won't be able to see the reflection without cleaning the mirror. The same concept applies to fear, you won't be able to see what's in front of you unless you get rid of the fear," I answered back then took a seat.
Just I made contact with the seat, the bell for dismissal rang. I was about to leave the class when mr Birn caught my attention.
"Roselia, that was a nice synopsis of that phrase, you are indeed my star student, but I would appreciate it if you would stop distracting Avalynne, who might I add is FAILING my class," informed Mr. Birn.
"Yes sir, I'll try to help her. Now, I have to leave," I said then turn to head out of the class, but I was stopped by Mr. Birn. I mentally groaned, seeing as I wanted to see Sebastian before he left.
"By the way, Miss Clark, I see that you haven't sent in your poem for the National Young Writer's Contest," he said while pointing his thick, red glasses at me.
I groaned. "I told you, Mr. Birn, I won't be entering this year."
"But Roselia, your writing is unique and beautiful, it's like ..."
"The words are having a beautiful rendition of Swan Lake in your head," I droned as I continued Mr. Birn's simile. "I know that, you say it all the time, but sometimes, my writing is too, well..."
"Dark?" he finished.
I froze. That was exactly what I was going to say.
"Take the leap of dirty faith, go ahead, take the bait. What's that all about?" he asked while quoting my latest poem. How did he get his hands on that?
"It's nothing," I quickly dismissed, then turned to leave, yet again. "I have to get going."
I turned away and noticed that everyone was gone.
Wow I didn't know talking to Mr. Birn would take so long. Even Ava left.
I was walking down the corridor looking for Ava who was supposed to come home with me and our ride was in the parking lot. I was also walking a bit slow, because I didn't get to see Sebastian today. I stopped at the end of the corridor which led to the outside garden and sighed, then, by some unknown power, in the garden I saw Sebastian, and his cousin, which was also my other best friend. Immediately, my heart skipped a beat and I cringed. I walked towards them. My black ballet like shoes mashed down the green grass, that also stuck to my baby blue, knee high socks.
"Hey," I greeted with a fake smile as I approached them. On the inside, I was a hot mess!
"Sebastian, have you seen Ava?" I asked while ignoring his cousin. We were friends, but she was a friend to be kept at a distance.
"No," he answered with a straight face. I inwardly sighed; I guess that he was still annoyed at me.
"Okay then," I accepted, then turned heel preparing to walk off. However, before I could get further, my pen slipped out of a hole in my skirt pocket and fell into the grass. While I was looking for it Sebastian and his cousin finished their conversation which for some reason, gave me a horrible feeling in the pit of my stomach.
"So, do you like Mary? how about Phoenix, Alexha?" She asked.
"No, no and NO!" He answered. I smirked, then continued to look.
That's cause he likes me.
"Aw, shoots," sighed Serina with a fake look of disappointment. Remember the uneasy feeling in the pit of my stomach? Well it was about to come to fruition, seeing as Serina casted a look in my direction with an evil glint in it. "It can't be Roselia," she mused, causing me to freeze.
My heart stopped. I looked Sebastian in his hazel eyes which dilated a fraction of a millimeter. He turned his head and I was certain that my heart was nonexistent.
"No."
I was frozen for a couple seconds, stuck in the crouching position, hand in the grass, clenching tightly on the blades and staring at the side of my first love's face.
"What a shame," piped Serina, restarting time again. She then began to call other names.
No.
Forgetting about the pen, I stood up and walked away yanking the baby blue bow out of my hair letting my loose curls wrap around my shoulders.
No.
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During the car ride to carry Ava home, I was quiet, save for the beating of my own heart pounding away. As soon as I arrived home, I ran pass my mother without saying a word and headed to my room, locking myself in.
I curled up in a ball once I got into my room. I didn't cry though, the tears won't come, they refused to fall. Even my tears refused to fall for me. I stayed in a ball for no one knows how long, just staring at nothingness, until my skin got hot on the sheets. I got up and looked into the mirror. I gasped at my reflection. My eyes were as red as a blood moon, my lips were swollen from biting on them, and my hair was a disheveled mess. However, most of all, the face of a broken girl was staring back at me. And realization hit me. I was that girl. I was... Broken.
My chest hurt, and it felt as if my heart didn't want to be a part of me anymore, it felt like it wanted out and it was going to do whatever it takes to get out. I stared into my reflection and I stared at the pain until my eyes watered, and before I knew it, the tears were streaming down my face. I clenched my fist and looked down allowing the tears to drip onto the dresser.
Suddenly I heard a cracking and looked up. I gasped in horror as before my tear-filled eyes, the mirror was cracking. I took a couple of steps backward as the mirror continued to crack. My heart was pounding hard as I watched the glass cracked into various web like patterns and spread all over. I gasped, and my eyes widened as the mirror exploded sending glass shards everywhere.
Petrified, I screamed then blacked out.
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