Songs for this chapter are:
Sweetest Taboo - Sade
Megatron - Nicki Minaj
Undecided - Chris Brown
Fifteen months ago
"Dan, I'm not doing this any more. It's not worth it and I'm really tired of it. We can't be doing this anymore and I told you to stay away before, " I told the handsome, vile bastard, giving him a deadpan stare.
"I missed you, I missed your body, badly."
"Look, I really do have to focus on my marriage with Mustafa right now. Stop showing up at my company unannounced. Right now, I'm working on starting my bags and shoe business ever since the cessation of the death threats and scary emails I had been receiving a few months ago. I need to focus on business, something that can help me stay sane."
"Come on! You literally used to count the days, dying to see me again was now I'm here and you don't want me? How so?" He rasped.
"Why should I even be wanting you? You ruined me completely and if I decide not to want you anymore, then respect that and back off. You never respect the fact that I actually don't want you yet you keep taking advantage of that soft spot I've always had for you simply because you saved my life."
"Well, how is that really so? When you followed me all the way here to the hotel room. Talk about assertiveness."
"Damn you!" I snapped, trying my possible best to remain angry at him.
"Look, " he sauntered towards me. "There is no use trying to get rid of me. Also, I can't change the past. I hurt you and I'm sorry about it but I can certainly change the future, can't I?"
And with that, he leaned forward, making an attempt to kiss me on the lips, but I was quick to smack him in the face then he pushed me against the wall, his hands gripped my shoulders with might and deep, sea-colored eyes that sucked my soul away. There was a storm of longing and desire in his eyes. I did not want to look at him, since he caused me so much pain and betrayed me, cheating on me like I was worth nothing at all. The damn chauvinistic bastard had the effrontery to make it look like he deserved a second chance.
He forced me to look him in the eye and made another attempt at the kiss. I tried pushing him away but his hands were stronger than mine.
I really didn't want to kiss him, it strangely felt like I was kissing my captor but my body worshipped him and his entire existence. He was a devil but he saved my life regardless of everything and somehow that had gotten the best part of me.
It made every moment of lovemaking between us worth it but I knew I should not be reminiscing on those things since I wanted to make everything orderly with Mustafa and our children even if it was just for the monetary purposes but I helplessly still felt strongly addicted to Dan. For the last time, I tried pushing him away with all the strength I had.
But my best was not good enough.
"We really shouldn't be doing this..."
"Stop thinking about Mustafa. After all, you are only there with him for his money, spending time with the one true person you have always felt attached to should not hurt. He is nothing to me and is nothing to you either. I want you to get on your knees and suck me like you used to, " His voice was laced with desire.
"Excuse me?"
"To forget about your husband, I want you to suck me off until you forget about him. The only thing you should focus on is my penis in your mouth. Do it!" He commanded impatiently.
Anyone trying to guess what I did must have been disappointed to learn that I'd proved their guesses wrong by actually going on my knees.
I opened my mouth and I sucked him off while stroking his manhood. He let out a growl, like a flesh starved beast. It was a struggle fitting my whole mouth around his cock, since he was really huge. He pulls out and starts talking.
"You used to suck better than that. I don't want you to use your hands and let me screw your face, " he told me.
He inserted himself back into my mouth. He trusted himself deep and past, letting every inch of him inside of me. Streams of tears falling down my eyes and my breathing was lowering by how deep he went. His moaning went louder, enjoying the pleasures of my mouth. He took out his member. I let out a loud, painful cough, trying to catch my breath again.
"Now, that's how you suck me off. Now, I want you to strip and lay on the bed. I'm ready to have coitus with you but I believe you are thinking about Mustafa. Get undressed and let me show you what you have missed, " he told me.
He started taking off his clothes while I was still trying to catch my breath. I got up from the floor and I started undressing as well. Dropping my clothes to the ground, and putting them to the side. My body was now exposed to him, vulnerable and weak. I wanted it but I hated the fact that I was no different from someone who was addicted to opium.
In fact, I wished I was addicted to opium than being helplessly addicted to someone I really should not be addicted to. I suddenly felt so ashamed of myself for letting him take such absolute control of my body making me cheat on my husband once again and the worst part of it was how my body just could not help but surrender to his antics and to his touch, over and over and over again.
Gawking at his lean, hard body, taking in the view of him, his light skin decorated with scanty red spots, golden-colored dreadlocks, sea-colored eyes, lean, hard body made me feel the things I really did not wish to feel. Things I was not supposed to feel but I had no choice since I'd long been held captive by those feelings of a really, really long time.
I laid myself on the bed, awaiting his body to descend on mine and when he did, he grabbed my cupid's kettledrums and squeezed on them very hard. A harsh outcry escaped my lips. I was in so much pain, but my body felt satisfied.
Another outcry escaped from my lips. Finally, he began to insert his member inside of me, kissing my lips with a distasteful penalty, stopping from letting out another moan.
Just as it dawned on me that we weren't using protection of any sort, he was already thrusting himself into me, speeding in the process as well. Having him inside of me again brought my demons back to haunt me. My body was enjoying him thoroughly but my heart and mind was regretting everything and it was not just having sex with him that I was regretting but not being loyal to Mustafa even if I was only married him for monetary profit and letting Dan into my life. Somehow, it felt like I was being brought back to my days of slavery, but in a perverse kind of way.
Almost unnoticeable in fact.
He put his hand on my throat, gripping it as if he wanted to choke the life out of me, he thrust faster and my moaning got louder, he released my throat after planting another harsh kiss on my lips and then grabbed a fistful of my hair, pulling it back. Each stroke got faster and more aggressive than ever before by every passing minute. I could feel the subtle bitterness he still had inside for the things I had done to him. I hated the things he did to me too but as fate would have it, we couldn't dare to be apart from each other.
All the time when I left him to be with Mustafa, comparing him to the loan shark and me never wanting to see him again. I was the one who was supposed to feel the angriest but he had the guts to take out all of the bitterness and pain heavy inside of him by each of his thrusts.
With the sound of his growing, he sounded like he was ready to explode. I bit my lip hard, my toenails dug hard into the bedsheets, crumbling the folds. I felt an overflow of wet fluid spread in between my thighs but he still went on till I could feel his semen released in me.
"Bring your face here and let me spread the remnant of my seeds on it, " He commanded.
And I brought my face close to his penis. I really did. I witnessed it rumble harder than an earthquake. He stroked himself hard and fast until an excess amount of semen targeted and splashed through my face in a fluid bath. He gave a final moan of shuddering ecstasy.
"Suck me off" he ordered me.
I'm sure you already know what I did. I sucked him off.
He put his clothes back on and left. He really left me with a face full of his semen and the all too familiar, painful feeling of regret. I could not believe I had let him have his way with me again. It felt like a scale had just fallen off my eyes, making me realize just how demonically possessed and entrapped I was by him.
Worse off, I couldn't believe I had let him sleep with me without protection and I most likely would be pregnant with a child very soon...his child...
What exactly was my life?
***
Psalms 55:12-14 - "For it is not an enemy who reproaches me; then I could bear it. Nor is it one who hates me who has exalted himself against me; Then I could hide from him. But it was you, a man my equal, my companion and my acquaintance. We took sweet counsel together, and walked to the house of God in the throng."