"Mustafa, what happened between us was a really big mistake on my part. You of all people should understand best, why I made that mistake. Forget it happened please." I beg, frustrated.
"Forget? Just like that? Do you even care to know how I feel about all of this? Now you are in a relationship with Dan like you did not feel any sparks between us."
"Sparks?" I scoffed, my lips cornering in a smirk of disbelief. "Look, I have always made it clear to you right from the time about Dan. I told you all about him. I made sure to do so. I told you about my childhood and how he helped me through the slavery times. I told you everything about Mustafa. Even about my illness. I told you everything." I said.
Tears trickle down my cheeks from eyes; I am in disbelief as to how things can change from better to worse within the passage of a short moment.
I did not bargain for all of this drama, particularly in my last year of high school. It is the last thing I ever want to get involved in and now I'm in the middle of a freaking love triangle and it's driving me so very crazy.
"I should have stopped you yesterday, Cassandra. I knew I should have but I was not quick to realize that it was the symptoms manifesting itself in your body until you called me Dan on stage and then I realized that it was too late because we already kissed.
I initially thought you were reciprocating the feelings that I have always had for you and I was very much intoxicated that day. I wanted to kiss you too. It's been my wish." He confesses, sounding like some lovesick and probably a horny young adult.
I sniffed the liquid mucus threatening to run down my lips, back up my nostrils, wiping a tear off my eye with my knuckles.
"Look, If I tell you that I feel bad for not noticing how you have always felt about me, then I am being a hypocrite, because I equally like someone else very much. Just like you do like me." I said truthfully.
A look of agony clouded his features. tears filled his eyes to the brim now, like a drizzle before the rain, they are ready to fall down his cheeks. He clenched his fists, as though that action would hold the tears back from falling.
I believe it's okay to cry when you face rejection from someone you have always crushed on but men have been groomed to believe that crying is for the weak. However, it breaks my heart to see him in that much pain but that is the least I can do after all of the mess that I have gotten the both of us into although I cherish him a lot.
"But...I promise to make up for times when I treated you poorly." I said, hoping that would make him feel better. "So please, let it be. I beg you in God's name." I said with desperation and urgency evident in my tone.
I took his hand in mine, squeezing it pleadingly because I knew him granting that favor of letting it all be would mean so much to my life at the moment.
I created this mess and I do have a long way to go in clearing it all up because the entire school knows about it now and me missing Mustafa on the stage, thinking it was Dan has just successfully affirmed the suspicions people have been having about my friendship with Mustafa.
Now people would safely say that Mustafa and I have always been in love with each other hence it was only a matter of time before the truth got out in the open. They can safely say those things with evidence to prove it.
I can imagine people saying things like; "Damn, I knew she's been dating Mustafa ever since. She's so good at hiding things from people!"
"How did she even deny all of those allegations without even feeling any pain in her heart?"
And I have already told Dan that I love him in return. Ever since he said that he loved me eight years ago in the tunnel, I never got the chance to tell him that I loved him too because I didn't know if I did I love him or not then but I gave him his reply just a little while ago.
Our relationship as a couple only just kickstarted but this incident just might ruin everything that has only just started.
It's honestly very messed up and I have no idea what to do. I never expected Mustafa to ever develop feelings for me after all I told him about Dan and the bond we share.
I mean, If he probably made it a lot more obvious or visible that he had feelings for me, I would have taken precautionary measures but he had to wait till we shared a kiss and did not even try to stop it since it was weird for me to suddenly consent to kissing him. Something that can never happen.
He was selfish and that same selfishness just might make him do things I hope he does not do simply because he wants me to himself now after that kiss and it scares the hell out of me, thinking of the beast that just might be unleashed from one mistake that should have never occurred.
The mere thought of it alone gives me the chills down my spine, knowing that this might leads to the abrupt end of our friendship that has been in existence for so long.
And it shatters my heart beyond what I can bear. There is so much at stake; so much to lose and I have no idea where to start from.
**
Two weeks later
After a life-changing conversation I had with my elder brother, David, I have decided that the first thing that I most defiantly have do is to explain everything to Dan by myself before he gets the news elsewhere. I have to tell him about my health condition and the crazy symptoms that come with it.
I have to make him understand that I did not cheat on him deliberately because once he finds out from someone else, it would be extremely difficult; practically impossible to explain the true state of things to him.
"I know you do not like opening up to anyone about your ailment because it makes you sad but Dan is someone you love and I like him a lot for you too because he is willing to do just anything for you.
He's your boyfriend now and I know you want to keep the ship sailing for a long, long time. Therefore, communication is very important."
"The advice alone gives me a heartache just by merely thinking about it. It kind of sounds like an easy thing to do but I have never seen Dan get angry, hence, I do not know if he is quick to anger or not. I don't know what he is capable of doing when he's angry or—"
"Do your thing first, Sandra. Although I am hoping for the best, just in case, it does not turn out well, then I'm here for you. I always am and you know that." He said, patting me on the shoulder and I gave him a sad, weary smile.
"Yeah...I do."
Being around my brother gives me so much hope and life. Stepping into the house alone came with an atmosphere of peace and amenable solitude. From the pools to the verandas and the monochromatic beauty of the entire house. It was therapeutic.
The remembrance of our conversation lit up a flicker of hope in me.
"Just in case" is a possibility but I would not let that scare me without trying first.
Mustafa and I have not been on talking terms ever since that day but it does not bother me much neither do I take it personally because I know he is trying to deal with everything that has happened and the rejection he got from me.
I would have been like that too if my crush rejected the profession of my feelings to him, but I know he values our friendship and would come back to me sooner or later as friends that we have always been.
If he still would be able to do that though.
What if he never comes back?
I brush the thought aside and decide to focus on what I plan on doing today which is to see Dan so I can talk to him about everything. It is strange to me that he has not been present to sell milk to my school for the past six to seven days which never happens and there is no way I can reach out to him, electronically since he's got no cell phone.
But I know of another place where I can meet him. If he is not in my school selling milk, then he's in the garden because he does not spend the day in his apartment till it is night time.
Immediately after school, I bored a motorbike to the garden close to the city's infirmary, where Dan and I usually spend time especially when we want to discuss something serious; business strategies, money management, and the likes. We do discuss things like that because I'm very much interested in helping the state of his life get better and better.
But now, it breaks my heart that we would be spending time at that place discussing something related to our relationship. I don't know what to expect and the fact we've not even gotten to a month in our relationship and we are about to discuss something so nerving is honestly the most nerve-wracking thing.
The plums are out in season and are blooming ever so beautifully whilst the sun is situated west now, it's light diminishing in correlation to the time flow but waiting till it's time for it or receded below the skyline, retiring for the day.
The plums are swishing peacefully with the subtle wind flow, unbothered as to what life would bring, simply being flowers, blooming, and radiating its unique beauty and effervescence; exactly what it makes it different from other kinds of flowers.
Staring at the flowers kinds of soothes my soul for the moment, assuring me that everything is going to be fine and holding it really would.
I take a seat on the bench, underneath a tree branch, hoping that Dan would come over; whatever it is that may lead him here. Soulmates feel the same thing. If I'm not happy he ought not to be happy as well and probably the elixir of love would work its magic and bring all the way here to where his lover awaits him.
Or if it doesn't work that way, then I hope the elixir of love takes me to wherever he is waiting for me perhaps and I hope I find him on time if that's the case.
But before I do that, I would wait here for a few minutes, patiently depending on the elixir to decide where our souls shall meet.
A few minutes pass by, thirty to be precise but I see no sign of him coming around. I decide it's time I check his apartment to see if he's there. What if he has been sick and indisposed, and that's perhaps what the elixir has been trying to communicate?
Hopefully, I get to him on time.
Just as I am about to dunk my phone into my pocket, it chimes on my hand, signaling an incoming call.
It's Mustafa.
"Hey. What's up?" I answer on the phone, more impatiently, than surprised as to the fact that he's even calling me since I thought we weren't on speaking terms.
"Hi. I have something to tell you."
"What's that?" I ask, biting on my lip.
"Would you believe me if I tell you? Promise me that you would." He asked, hesitantly.
My heart pounded loudly against my chest, sweat drips down my face, faster than I can even process the fact that it's beginning to get hot. I screw my eyes shut tightly, praying that my symptoms take over now, so I can drift into a surreal, dreamy state but nothing happens even after opening them.
I'm here, on the very edge, probably about to slip and die after getting into the biggest shock of my life.
"What is it, Mustafa?" I ask in nearly whispering, forgetting that he had even asked me to promise that I would believe him.
Trepidation dominates.
"I think...Dan is cheating on you...
*****
Psalms 55:12-14 - "For it is not an enemy who reproaches me; then I could bear it. Nor is it one who hates me who has exalted himself against me; Then I could hide from him. But it was you, a man my equal, my companion and my acquaintance. We took sweet counsel together, and walked to the house of God in the throng."