I'm currently parked outside of Dinah's house. Her parents have went to see a movie with her little brother, Seth. They asked if Dinah wanted to go but she refused. She has too much homework to do, which is a good thing because that means, it's just me and her tonight. Me and my girl. She must be in her bedroom because there are no lights on downstairs. I quickly climb out of my car and make my way over to Dinah's house. I hop over the small fence and into her back yard. I'm wearing my black hoody again so if she happens to see anyone lingering in her yard, she wont know it's me.
I hid behind one of the trees in her back yard and look up. She has her curtains open which is good thing, I love watching Dinah in her bedroom. One time I saw her scratch herself, it made me want to touch myself. Dinah's watching the TV, I can tell from the way she's sitting. She's wearing a long baggy top and her panties. I wish she'd turn to the side so I can see more, she seems content where she's sitting though. I watch her as she takes off her glasses and gives them a quick rub before returning them to her eyes. I wish she'd give something else a rub.
Oh, I see something. She's getting up from her bed, she's walking somewhere. Unfortunately I can't see her from where I am standing. I need to get closer. Ninja style, I move swiftly from tree to tree, keeping in the shadows just in case my girl see's me.
I reach the tree closest to her bedroom window. I strain my neck trying to see her, I can't though. It's fucking frustration. I just want to know what she's doing. Since her windows open, I do hear movements, I stop moving completely. There's a lot of banging sounds, what the hell is she doing in there? Oh god, what if she's getting attacked. I need to save my girl, I need to, I have to! That's when I see it... A light switch being turned on in the kitchen. I'm standing right next to the kitchen, shit! She's going to see me. I start to panic, what the hell am I going to do?! If I run back, she'll see me. The outside lights will turn on because I wont be moving ninja style. I'll be doing a full on run. I don't want to scare her. I don't want her to think there's an intruder on her property because lets face it, it's only me. I'm harmless.
An idea quickly pops into my head. If I climb this tree, she wont see me. Then when she's finished in the kitchen and turns the light off, I'll jump down and make a run for it. To the tree further back of course, I'm not ready to go home yet, I haven't spent enough time with Dinah tonight. I begin to climb the tree. I'm a good climber since this isn't the first time I've done this. I've actually climbed many trees in Dinah's yard, mostly to get a better view of my girl. I usually like to sit in the trees with my binoculars. Unfortunately I don't have them tonight. I really need to be more prepared.
I'm halfway up the tree when I hear a voice in the kitchen. I think Dinah's on the phone to someone. I stop moving and begin to listen.
"Maybe I should talk to him?" I hear Dinah say. My jaw drops. Talk to who? Who the fuck's him? What's going on? "He'll listen to me. I'll tell him how sorry you are then things will be okay again." Who the hell is she talking to?
"Zendaya, I know it's not entirely your fault but sometimes you just have to apologize." Oh, Zendaya is having problems with her boyfriend again. No surprise there. Fuckers are always arguing about something.
"Be the bigger person. Don't be immature about it." You tell her baby. You give her awesome advice love.
"Yeah, I hope you do. I'm just making dinner. If you want, you can come over?" There's no way Zendaya is coming over. She's not interrupting my time with Dinah. No fucking way.
"Oh, I understand that. I'll see you tomorrow yeah?" Yes baby, she'll see you tomorrow. Please hang up before she changes her mind. Dinah then hangs up, I assume she has because I can't hear her talking anymore.
Dinah said she's making dinner. I wonder what she's making? I look forward to the day she lets me cook for her. Ill make her the most delicious food, I'll spend hours on it. Thinking about food is making me hungry. Maybe I'll order a pepperoni pizza when I get home, Dinah's favorite.
I'm only a couple of inches away from Dinah's bedroom window. Maybe I can go in her room and lay on her bed. I quickly decide to, opportunity's like this are rare. I climb the last few inches and jump into her bedroom, landing on a beanbag. I don't move for a few moments. I want to make sure I know where Dinah is at all times. I hear the sounds of pots banging together downstairs, she's clearly very busy in the kitchen.
On my tip toes, I sneak over to Dinah's bed and quietly get in. For a moment I just lay there, smiling to myself thinking about how my baby sleeps in this bed every night. I then pull the duvet over my body and curl up into a ball. I burry my head in the sheets and take in the beautiful smell of Dinah. I lay contently for a minutes, hoping Dinah doesn't discover me. I don't know what excuse I could possibly give if she ends up walking in and finding me curled up in her bed.
I eventually climb out of the bed and manage to sneak over to her set of drawers. I open them slowly, avoiding the little creek, and end up picking up a small flower. What I've noticed about Dinah, she likes to collect little flowers and put them in her drawer, I guess they make her happy. I then make my way back over to Dinah's bed. I lie in the bed with Dinah's flower resting against my head and relax into the soft mattress. It doesn't get much better than this. I'm not a creep or anything. I just love her.
Looking around Dinah's bedroom brings back so many memories. Not memories of her room, my room. Dinah's bedroom is decorated a variety of different colors, mostly pink though. She has lots of teddies, most of which I have placed in her locker randomly over the years. She has pictures just like I do in my bedroom, she likes to take pictures of all of her friends. She's in most of them too. Yeah, this really does bring back so many memories.
>>>>Flashback<<<<
"Sweetie, are you sure you want to go to school today? I can ring up and tell them it's too soon?" I shake my head at my Dad, I have to do this, she wouldn't want me missing any more days.
I stand up from the couch and leave the living room to go upstairs. Once inside my bedroom, I take a look around. Everything reminds me of her. The pink wall we painted together, the colorful carpet she insisted on buying because it was so me. My beds the best part about my room though. All the horses on the duvet cover, the beautiful unicorns on the headboard, I love this room so much.
"Normani." My Dad shouts up the stairs, I ignore him though and continue to look around my room.
I laugh when my eyes gaze at the pink wall. All the photos of me and her. The time we went to Disneyland and she got her picture taken with Mickey Mouse, he was always her favorite, I remember how happy she was when the picture was being took. I look at some more photos. The time we went to the park to feed the little birds and she ended up getting chased, her face is priceless on that photo, it was so hilarious the picture is blurred because my Dad couldn't keep the camera straight.
I take my eyes away from the pictures on the wall as they are starting to upset me. I kneel down at the front of my bed and pull out a white wooden box covered in glitter. I cross my legs as I sit on the floor and open the box. I pull out a barbie doll she bought me a few years ago for Christmas, I was so happy when she gave it to me, I actually cried. I smile when I come across a few videos labeled 'family time'.
I take out the videos and place them on my bed before closing the box and sliding it carefully underneath. I then take one of the videos out of it's cover and put it in the video section of the TV. I make myself comfortable on the bed before pressing play.
Tears stream down my face as I watch videos of her. I listen to the sound of her voice, her laughter when something not even remotely funny happens. The video of her playing one of her new songs on her guitar. I watch it all. I'm interrupted by the sound of the door opening. My Dad takes a peek at the TV then turns to face me.
"We always told her to share her talent with the rest of the world." My Dad says, referring to her singing and playing the guitar.
I laugh and nod my head. "Yeah we did." I whisper. "She wanted to keep it in the family though, she never liked anyone else hearing her beautiful voice."
I see a tear fall down my Dad's face making my heart break even more. My Dad opens his mouth to speak but nothing comes out, he's too upset. I give him a moment and then he speaks. "I miss your Mom so much." He says.
"More than anything." I add.
He makes his way to the my bed and sits at the very front. I crawl down the bed and cuddle into his side as he wraps his arms around me. "We're going to be okay sweetheart." He says, planting a soft kiss on my forehead.
"You'd think after a month things would start to get better." I sob. It's true, it's been a month since the death of my Mom and I still can't cope. Every night I wake up screaming, calling her name, but she never comes. It's always my dad who rushes to my side.
"Things will eventually get better sweetheart." My Dad assures me. "Things will never be the same without her, but we will be okay in time." He adds.
I slowly nod my head. "It's so hard, Dad, I just want her back" I cry again, not able to stop.
"I want that too Manibear." He says. "We have to move on though, she's gone and we have to accept that she's never coming back." My Dad breaks down crying even more than me when the words fall out of his mouth.
"How the hell can we move on?" I ask, not understanding how it is possible to do so.
"By focusing on something else. It's not healthy for us being like this all the time." He says.
"I'm going to try and focus on something else." I say. I listen as I hear my Dad whispering, 'me too.'
I leave the house a few minutes later to catch the school bus. I'm wearing a white tank top with a small jacket and a pair of jeans. It's my first day of high school and I am a little nervous. School started last month but due to my Mom's death, I took some time off. It's going to be hard though, it's freshman year and I haven't got a clue where to go or anything.
When the school bus stops outside of SinClair high, I finally get to see the school I will be attending for the next few years. I reluctantly get off the bus and make way into the building. Walking down the hallways I feel so small. I recognise a few people from my old school but when I go to say hi, they laugh and walk away. Everyone's changed, nobody wants to speak to me.
I walk further down the hallway when I see a beautiful blonde Polynesian girl retrieving her books off the floor. I stop dead in my tracks as I watch this girl. I've never seen anyone like her, her eyes are hazel and she's so...mesmerizing. She soon stands up and our eyes meet for the first time. She's looking straight at me and I can feel my heartbeat increase, I send her a shy smile which she happily returns. She's absolutely perfect.
I feel so happy right now for more than one reason. I'm happy because this beautiful girl is staring at me and also for the first time since my Mom died, I actually feel something again. I don't feel completely dead and unhappy. I feel...good. Maybe I should say hi to this girl, maybe we could become friends or even something more. Wait a minute, I'm straight, 100% straight. I don't like women, I like men. That's the way it's supposed to be, not like this.
Our eye contact is broken when I see some jock push the girl into the locker making her drop her books all over again. I'm about to help the girl when I hear an argument going on behind me. I turn around to see what is going on, it's two older girls screaming at each other about a boyfriend or something. When I turn back around to face the hazel eyed beauty, I realize she has gone. I sigh, wondering when I will see her next.
"Are you okay, you look a little lost?" A unfamiliar girl asks me. I shake my head and begin to speak.
"You're right, I am a little lost. It's my first day." I tell her.
"I see." She nods her head and laughs. "I haven't been here very long but I can help you find your way to class if you want?" Thank god for this girl.
"That would be great, thank you so much." I say.
"No problem, I'm Lauren by the way." Lauren introduces herself. Lauren, one of my Mom's friends was called Lauren, thinking about her again saddens me so I distract myself.
"Normani." I reply, holding out my hand for Lauren to shake.
"Well, lets get you to class." Lauren says, dropping our hands and gesturing for me to follow her.
"Ever thought about joining?" I scrunch up my face, having no idea what Lauren is talking about. She then points to the sign up sheet on the wall. "Cheerleading?"
I shake my head. "I don't think I would be a good cheerleader, It's just not me." I say honestly, cheerleading is something I have never been interested in.
"Who cares if it's not you. Being a cheerleader has it's perks." She says. I ask her to continue, what perks do they have? "For example, you never get have to stress over anything, you never get bullied and the best part? You get all the hot guys."
I don't want to be bullied and I certainly don't want to be stressed, lord knows I'm already dealing with enough shit. I couldn't care less about guys but maybe if I was a cheerleader, I could stop people from bullying that girl. I don't know for certain if she is getting bullied but from what I saw, there's a good chance she could be.
"Have you got a pen?" I ask, having already made up my mind. Lauren smirks at me and hands me a pen so I can write my name on the sign up sheet.
"We can be cheerleaders together." Lauren says excitedly, linking our arms together as we walk down the hallway.
My first day is pretty good. So far I have managed to avoid all the popular kids and keep my head low. That way I wont have to worry about anything. Classes are boring, no surprise there. I can't find that mysterious girl anywhere which deeply disappoints me, I can't get her face out of my head. Lauren is pretty cool, she's a nice girl and just like me, she wants to keep a low profile, at least until we get on the cheerleading team, then apparently we will 'rule the school'. Lauren's words, not mine.
"If you ever want a library book, you must show me your pass. Remember dear, only a certain amounts of books are allowed to be checked out at a time." The old librarian says to me as she shows me around the library.
The library isn't very big so it doesn't take her long to show me around. She shows me all the different genres they have, the older section and the younger section, she basically shows me things I don't care about. I nod my head, understanding everything the woman has said to me. When she finally leaves me alone, I'm looking in the history section when I overhear a conversation around the corner. I remove a few books from the shelf and peek through the little hole. I gasp when I see that beautiful girl from earlier, sitting on a table chatting to her friend.
"It's just a few books Cara." I hear the girl saying to her blonde friend sitting opposite her. "Can you please just check these books out for me. Last time the librarian wouldn't let me take more than three."
"Dinah Jane!" The girl named Cara exclaims. Ah, so that's her name. Dinah Jane, such a beautiful name, she suits it. "Why on earth do you need more than three books? The books you take out are huge."
"I love to read." Dinah says bluntly. I can't help but smile, how adorable is this girl? She loves to read.
"I know you do." Cara says, sighing. "Fine, I'll help you out."
"Yes!" Dinah shouts happily. I see the librarian telling her to shush which pisses me off a little because the library is practically empty, why does she have to be quiet? "Thank you thank you thank you!" Dinah jumps out of her seat and embraces her friend into a tight hug.
Okay, that's enough hugging, please sit back down.
"So...I was thinking about joining the band. If I did would you come with me?" I hear Dinah asking Cara as she sits back in her seat.
The band? Ew who would want to join a fucking band?
"Ally has been begging me all week to join so yeah I will." Cara replies, turning the page of her book. "Maybe we will make some more friends."
"Hopefully." Says Dinah.
"Do you need some help, darling?" The ancient librarian asks me. Does it look like I need any help Jurassic Bitch?
"No, I'm fine." I say with a forced smile.
"All right dear, if you need any help, just let me know." I smile at the librarian hoping she will leave me alone. Can she not see I'm busy watching Dinah?
When the ancient woman finally leaves, I peek back through the hole and sigh when I realize once again, Dinah has went. Why does she keep leaving me?
That night when I get home, I cry my eyes out. I have so many memories in my room, it breaks my heart knowing I will never get to see my Mom again, why the fuck did she have to leave me? Leave Dad? I can't understand it all. It's not fair how I am the one suffering whilst everyone else is happy, it doesn't make sense. At least that girl Dinah made me happy today, I think the more time I will spend around her, the happier I will become. I really hope so anyways.
Over the next few days I spend more time with Dinah. I feel like we're friends, even though we haven't spoke to each other, I feel like we have a connection. I listen to everything she says, I laugh at her jokes, I admire that girl so much. When I'm around Dinah, I forget about all the problems I have going on in my life, when I'm with her, nothing else matters. I can't understand why I am so obsessed with Dinah. Obsessed? Is that the right word to use? I suppose I'm not totally obsessed, I mean, it's not like I am stalking her or something. I only see her in school.
I wonder what she gets up to outside of school.
The following week, I'm walking down the hallways of SinClair when I feel someone tap me on the shoulders. I spin on my heels to face the person.
"Guess what?" Lauren says, bouncing on the balls of her feet. I let out a little laugh and reply, 'what.' "We got on the team, Normani!"
"What?" I say in disbelief. I made it on the team? How? My performance was crap, how the hell did I make it? "Are you serious?" I ask.
"Yes!" Lauren says excitedly. "Our names are on the list. How cool is this? We're going to be cheerleaders, we're going to rule this school, it's going to be amazing!"
"Yeah, I guess it is." I smile. I just hope being a cheerleader doesn't mean I will get to see Dinah less, that wouldn't be fair. I really like her. She's super interesting.
"We have to pick our uniforms up after school. Be prepared to do a lot of training." Lauren warns. A lot of training? Fuck, this means I will see Dinah less. That's not good at all.
Lauren wasn't kidding when she said, 'a lot of training'. I've been a cheerleader for three weeks now, I hardly get to see Dinah. It's sad because when I do see her, she always ducks her head and pretends not to notice me. Why does she do that? I asked a few of the cheerleaders and they said nobody is allowed to associate with the cheerleaders and the jocks, if they do, they'll get bullied. But I still don't understand it, I would never bully Dinah, she's like...mine. Yeah, she's mine. I wouldn't hurt her or anything.
My relationship with Dinah is changing. Since I'm a cheerleader and never get to see her, I don't know everything about her. I don't know much about how her days went, I don't know what her plans are for the night, it's saddens me being kept in the dark about things.
It's been a month and I can't take it. Dinah's my distraction, I feel better when I'm close to her, I need to get closer which is why I am currently sitting in the school car park waiting for Dinah to leave the building. I overheard that she and that friend of hers, Cara, are hanging out at Dinah's after school which is great because that means I'll finally find out where the hazel eyed beauty lives.
Dinah leaves the school with Cara. The pair begin to walk down the street at a very slow pace. I immediately follow them when I see them turn a corner. I follow them down a few streets, we must have only been walking for a few minutes when we stop outside of a house. I stand a few houses down just so I don't look suspicious. I watch Dinah and Cara go into Dinah's house. I smile to myself, I now know where Dinah lives.
For the next few days I occasionally walk past Dinah's house. Sure it's a longer way of getting to and from school, but I like going on walks...fuck the school bus.
One night I'm walking past Dinah's house when I notice her neighbors packing suitcases into their car. I stand a few houses down to see what's happening. Are they leaving? By the looks of it, they're going away for a few weeks. When the couple get into their car and drive away, I inspect their garden. There's a tree, a very large tree which will be able to cover me. If I stand in their yard, I'll have the perfect view of Dinah's house. Maybe I'll just sit in their yard watching Dinah. That's not creepy or anything, I don't think it is.
My relationship with Dinah starts to grow, the more I watch her, the more I want her. She really turns me on. I still think about my Mom, but because of Dinah, things are different. She's all I am ever able to think about now. That's a good thing, I know it is.
I learn more about her neighbors too. I know the neighbors who live opposite Dinah are always going away, they are literally never home. Even when they are home, it's like they aren't. If that makes any sense? A few nights a week I sit in the yard in the house opposite Dinah watching for any sudden movement. I know a lot about her Mom and Dad, and of course her brother Seth. She likes to do a lot of things with him. He's really young so she often plays out in the garden with him.
I'm currently sitting in my usual spot watching Dinah play in the garden with her little brother. A certain angle of Dinah catches my eye. It's something I want to memorize forever. She looks so perfect. I quickly take my phone out of my pocket and take a picture of Dinah. I'm not being creepy or anything, it's a good picture and I just want to keep it...
That night when I arrive home, I print the picture of Dinah. It's come out lovely, I really do have a good camera on my phone. Maybe I'll get a really cool expensive camera so I can take even better pictures of Dinah. That's normal, I know it's normal.
My room still reminds me of my Mom though. It's pink, it has lots of bears and hello kitty, it's just so my Mom. All the pictures on my wall make me so sad. Maybe it's time to change.
That's when I decided to redecorate my room. My Dad bought some black paint, black carpet and a new black bed. Together we completely changed my room. My Dad asked me why black? He couldn't understand why I picked the color black, I don't understand it myself. I guess I like the color black? It's certainly different to pink. We decided to put the pictures of my Mom back on the wall. My Dad didn't want me taking them down. I guess I can understand that.
But things got bad again. I love the way my room looks but something's missing. It's too, Mom. One night out of anger, I tear all of the pictures down, I cram them inside of a box and lock it under my bed. I don't want to be sad forever. I don't want the constant reminder of what happened every time I walk into my bedroom. I want a happy room.
My room seems bare now. There's nothing to look at. The room has no memories, it has nothing but awesome furniture. That's when I find the picture I had took of Dinah not that long ago. I take it out of the box it was in and stick it on the wall. Just a small photo on a wall, it does look a little odd but If I take more photos of her, then I can put them all on my wall and it wont look strange. I'll have a Dinah room. The picture is beautiful, just looking at the photo makes me happy. She makes me happy. I guess I'll have to put a lock on my door. I can't have anyone seeing these photos. They're mine.
I step closer to the wall and inspect the photo again, I smile every time I see it. I can't wait to take more.
"Mines."