"Uuuurrrrgggghhhh!", she screamed. " I hate you Omarion Green! Please just leave!!",
That's when I knew had gone over board. She was so angry she'd possibly kill. I didn't blame her. I couldn't blame her. I was an idiot. I knew that very well.
Didn't know how to handle my present and past. Fiasco after fiasco and the eye of the storm was always catastrophic. I didn't deserve to be here. Many times I made her cry. Many times I misunderstood her. I was always the one in the wrong. For once I had to make things right. For once. I slowly let go of her arms, turned and headed for the door. As I got into my car,I saw her on the window of the kitchen.
Maybe she had to confirm if I was really leaving. She had to witness my departure. She must have been happy that finally the monster is going. It must have brought her joy that the demon that constantly tormented her was long gone. It must have made her happy to see Omarion Green leave. My presence must have been choking her. So much so that she wouldn't bare but watch me leave. I felt stupid. I felt so useless and worthless. I have never bowed down to a person before and here I was with no greater thing but yet bowing down to her...so unlike me. Most business partners know me for my aggressiveness. They knew how much of a man I was and always meant every word I said. If I said No,it was a no. No negotiations. No matter how they expected something good to happen with time,it only ended up being the same bad evil way.
I quickly drove off. I drove off.
I was fed up.
She hated me!
She HATED me!
An inch of me probably suffocated her. I hated myself so much. So much I decided to kill myself. I went for a drive. I drove out of town.
All the way to the circus and beyond. I went as far as the bridge of lovers.
I remembered when I used to bad mouth those who come and die right here.
Now I understood why they do that.
I knew why.
I felt every inch of it.
I stopped my car in front of the bridge. I got out and stood on the bars of the bridge looking down into the water.
It was still.
No waves....no currents....just still...
Perfect for death. I looked left and right and noticed I was out of sight. No one was looking in my direction. I went back to my car and found a script. I looked for a pen and couldn't find it. I wanted to write a message to Prim. To apologize for everything.
I decided to make this seem real. To make my apology heart felt. She must know it was coming from deep down my heart. I quickly picked a stone and with no hesitation,I cut my arm. I could see the blood drip from it. I didn't mind. At all!
I took a paper.....and dipped it in my blood and wrote the words that were upon my heart.
AM SORRY PRIMROSE.....
I felt like a real man after I finally sad it. I felt good. I felt secure. I felt at peace. I left the note on my dashboard and went back to my spot.
No one was still noticing.
No one!
I was frustrated for a second. We no longer had love for one another. They didn't even care a single bit! However,the other half of me was happy. With no one noticing I'd be able to pull this off.
Perfectly!
I looked at the trees one last time. Who knows if they're there in the spiritual world? I just had to get the most of the view before I get there. After my heart was satisfied, I climbed onto the bars of the bridge!
I looked left and right again and then into the waters...
Without another thought...I loosened myself,freeing my arms and denying myself support to the bar and fell into the water with a splash! I didn't make an effort to swim. It was useless. I had no purpose to live anymore.
For who?
I tried to live for myself...it didn't turn out right. I tried to live for others...turned out worst. Now there was no reason to keep me alive anymore. I slowly went down the water.....I sank....slowly.
I could feel the water filling my lungs. I could feel it get inside me. I could feel it all the way into my stomach. I started to suffocate. I was running out of air. I didn't even attempt to gasp for it.
Where the heck would it come from? Besides....I was almost on the river floor right now. Death only had a few minutes to take me away. I slowly felt my body hit something hard....and I knew I hit the ground. In a few minutes....I'd be rising.... only as a dead man. Sinking alive, rising dead! The amazing thing is that through it all.....it didn't hurt. It didn't hurt. It brought me joy anyway. I finally repaid Prim. I apologized and I hoped this was going to change her mind.
Maybe she wouldn't hate me as much.
Maybe.
*****
My head began aching. Was this heaven? I thought as I slowly opened my eyes. It was lit. But the light seemed to be coming from a bulb. They have bulbs in heaven?
Weird!
I always thought the light of God was enough to make it lit. I looked around and saw something familiar...rather someone!
She was sniffing. She buried her face on her hands.
Prim? What was she doing here? Did she throw herself down the river after she read my note?
No! Prim would never do that!
Never! Not even in a million life times. She wasn't that stupid.
"Prim....?", I began
"Omar....", she exclaimed in delight. She quickly walked to where I was.
"You fool!", she started.
What now? Is this really heaven? For a moment I thought I'd wake up to an 'I love you' but here I was,waking up to a 'you fool'.
"How dare you try to kill yourself! How dare you!?", she shouted.
Oooh!
So....I didn't die! I didn't die! Oh God. I didn't die!! I freaked out at the thought. I couldn't remember where it all went wrong. I couldn't remember everything after hitting the base of the river. The hard ground that nearly pierced my flesh and broke my bones.
What happened?.
Who saved me then?
"Wondering if this is heaven?", she asked as if she read my mind.
"Sorry....there's hell in this heaven", she snapped and pushed her hair to her back in a dramatic way.
I found myself laughing.... weakly though...
"Next time you want to kill yourself..ask for my concern first....this is my life too... You live for me too", she explained.
Did I hear her right?
"Yeah...you heard me right",she smiled. Was she reading my mind?
This is creepy!
"Am so sorry....", she said holding my hand. She accidentally touched my cut and I let out a yelp.
"Ouch!", I groaned.
She quickly looked at my arm and her eyes widened. She flashed her eyelashes and raised her eyebrows.
"You idiot! You wrote that note in blood?", she shouted.
She didn't notice? Like seriously... She didn't? She couldn't see all the pain in the ink? What eyes did she have? I thought she had those of an eagle.
"I wanted you to believe me", I defended myself.
"I believe you Omar...you don't need to prove yourself to me....", she said. She went for the first aid box and began treating my wound.
All through the while,I kept on staring at her. I can't believe she was still here after my mischievousness. She didn't leave. Did that mean she forgave me? Did it mean we left the last behind us and started all over again? I'd really appreciate that. I loved the fact that she stayed. She never left. Ma'am violet always said someone who loves you never leaves. That's what blackmailed me to stay with her and Luan for a few more years before I left. Now forever feels like yesterday, feels like last night.
Prim staying gave me strength too. I actually started thinking she was the one....I decided won't leave either. I'll never leave her...and it left me in a dilemma and confusion.
What about Lily??
I watched as Prim nicely and carefully treated my wound. She wrapped a clean bandage around it. When she was done....she put the box away and sat closer to me. I smelled her amazing Cologne again. I really loved it She smelled fresh like the ocean. It stirred me up. The fact that she was right next to me was burning me. After I left the restaurant, I thought it was over. I though I'd never see her again. I thought I was done for. I thought I didn't rescue the damsel in distress who was Prim...and yet here she was. She was wearing her hair down and I loved to see it that way.
I felt as if I was seeing her for the first time
Like that moment at the balcony back at Washington's Palace when I attended Cass's graduation. Her hair was in curls like then.
Oh my.
She just mesmerized me. Every time I blinked and then looked at her...she looked different.
More beautiful.
More amazing.
More pleasing.
More adoring.
"Omar...I don't hate you", she said lacing her fingers with mine.
"I love you", she said smiling and looking straight in my face.
Did I hear her correctly? Did she just say that?
"Yes you heard me correctly... Yes I just said that ", she giggled. "I mean it"
"I really love you", she said it again.
With much more meaning this time. Emphasizing every word. Making my heart glow again and restoring life in me. I finally see that true love is a leap of faith. And I am happy that I discovered it through Prim.
I smiled back at her.
Her eyes were crystal. She was wearing a white top and black pants so I guess they couldn't reflect that. She was wearing pink lipstick and it matched perfectly with her outfit.
She looked beautiful.
More beautiful.... with each passing second.
"I love you too,Primrose", I told her.
She helped me sit up. We had my hot porridge together and then the doctor came in. He examined me and certified that I was fit to go home. He gave me a bit of advice to avoid the situation from happening again. Prim called Liam who came in less than minutes to come pick me up from the hospital.
"Well....you are one lucky man", the doctor said to me as I walked to the door with Liam.
"She never left your side", he pointed at Prim who was leaving some of my stuff in the car.
"She kept on crying and praying for you to come round", he explained.
Really?
Prim did that?
"Don't let her go...else you'll regret...", he tapped my shoulder and looked right at my face. He could tell I was in between confusion and understanding. I didn't know if I understood him or he just confused me.
"Thanks doc", Liam shock his hands and we both left the hospital toward my car.
Liam drove us home.
All through the while, I kept on thinking about Prim. I still couldn't believe she did that. I was expecting her to leave and never come back. I'd understand that. I thought she would actually be on the forefront organizing my funeral ceremony. She'd actually be the one selling my belongings and give the money to the poor. At least I believe she'd do that. I didn't see the gem behind the dust. The diamond that was covered,the love behind the hatred. Oh Prim! You just surprise me. I looked at her and she was busy staring outside the window like wonder woman waiting for another emergency that demanded her heroic actions. I just smiled at closed my eyes while leaning against the chair.
I opened my eyes and right away Liam stepped on the break after we saw the glorious mansion in front of us.
CLEOPATRA!
He helped me get out of the car and Prim followed behind us with my luggage and I was surprised as in to what time did I use all those and yet I just got here today.
We checked in on the reception and lucky for us the elevator wasn't in use. With joyful hearts,we climbed in and enjoyed the ride to my apartment. It's always heartbreaking when you so desperately want to use the elevator and it's in use which leaves you with the option of waiting or going for the stairs.I always go for the stairs. I'd really use a bit of exercise to get the abbs growing and making sure I won't end up chasing the lady friends away.
In a few minutes we were up and in my apartment.
" Home...!",Liam shouted as he opened the door. The babyish side of him. The one i so loved whenever I was depressed like right now as it would always bring me back. He made me cling to him as I walked in and he carefully put me on the couch.
"Thanks buddy", I smiled at him.
He winked at me and went to the kitchen.
I looked around.
I looked around the sitting room and peeped in the kitchen...
Where was Prim?
Did she leave?
So soon?
...
I felt like crying. I started feeling insecure without her around. I felt like I was a threat to myself. After the fiasco I created, I became so scared of what I could do to myself without Prim around. I wanted her around. My mind had become a playground of bad,ill and inevitable thoughts so much that I lost control of it. I needed Prim around as an antidote to my intoxicated gruesomely sick mind
"Don't worry....am still here", I heard her voice from behind me. She ran her fingers in my hair and crossed her arms around my neck from behind me.
"Coffee?", she asked.
"Macchiato", I 'corrected'.
She laughed and then poof,she disappeared; off to the kitchen. I could hear the utensils banging against each other and my heart knew something awaited. A woman who's wife material always knows the way to a man's stomach and Prim knew that very well.
In no time,my beverage came.
"Sooner than expected....", I said in delight.
"Am full of surprises....",she winked at me,not forgetting a smile on her face adding more glamour.
"You really are...", I said in this odd connotative tone. She really was full of surprises.
Each time I'd have a conversation with her,I'd always be left mouth agape. Full of wonder and astonishment as in to how can a person be amazing as such. Just like now....her presence was a surprise to me. I watched as she placed a cup on the side plate and put it aside.
She did that for another and another as well. She made three cups.
I watched closely as she blew on each cup and then took one and gave it to me. I received it while still looking at her. I didn't even look at the cup.
All I wanted to see was Prim. I didn't want to miss a sight of her. Not even a glimpse. I couldn't understand if this was the mortal Primrose I knew or a visionary personification of goddess Aphrodite.
What the doctor said,amazed me. She never left my side in the hospital. She cried and prayed for my well being. I just count understand. Who would do that? I was her enemy right? Why did she want me to live then? She said she hated me. I could even see it in her clearly. I could tell she was mad and meant every word she said. So...why was she here?
"How is it?", she asked.
"Um...good", I replied after I noticed she was looking at me.
Liam too.
What time did Liam come here?
"You didn't even taste it", Liam raised his eyebrows and popped out his lower lip imitating the puppy doll face Cass always wears when she's trying to get something from you. Day time robbery.
"As long as it's made by Prim... I don't need to taste it..I know it's good", I defended myself.
"Thank you...", she smiled.
"You know....you two look good together", Liam said taking a sip of his beverage.
I gave him a look after Prim choked on her drink. That was some choke.
"What?",he asked after he noticed our undignified response to his statement.
"Sorry...I choked",she said coughing out some of the macchiato that I assumed had gone down the wrong way. All the way to the windpipe. She wiped her face with her napkin and then left to get another one.
" What are you doing?", I glared at Liam.
"Creating a love environment", he replied and raised his eye brows concurrently.
" What?", I asked full of shock. "Why?"
"Remember what the doctor said?", he asked.
"Yeah....?",I replied still in a confused mood.
This day was just full of confusion. From morning to this hour everything confused me. Everything!
"So....act on it. Tell Prim you're in love with her and move to the next step?", he asked in this sad tone that took me by surprise.
" How do you even know that?", I asked back in my manly defensive voice. How did he really know am in love with her? Am I in love with her to begin with? Am I? Is this not some Romeo and Juliet infatuation?
"Know what?", Prim asked as she took a sit.
" He'll tell you...",Liam pointed at me and then finished his drink in one goal.
He stood up and walked to were Prim was.
"Thanks for the coffee ma'am", he smiled and she smiled back.
He took out a bracelet from his pocket and put it on her hand. It was one of a kind. Where on earth did Liam find such jewelry? I knew it wasn't from Mark n Jean. I memorized all jewelry from Mark n Jean and this one didn't look like the type.
" Your tip",he smiled and touched the tips of her white hair.....making me jealous. He really loved doing that. Unfortunately for him,Cass had short hair and he wouldn't really enjoy the joy of playing with your better half's hair. One of you guys definitely had to have long hair we aren't both men.
"Aw ", she jumped up and gave him a hug.
I felt my heart ache. It ache a lot. I just hoped I won't end up on the ground and then in the hospital with a cardiac arrest diagnosis. Liam was my brother. My best friend. Prim was.....I don't know. All I know is they're good friends. So why was I here getting jealous?
"Okay okay....my jelly glands are beginning to swell now", I laughed.
"Oh really?", Liam smirked and held on to her tighter.
"Oh krypton knight,don't let go of me", prim chanted as she clung to Liam even harder. She leaned her head on his shoulder and smiled with pleasure. Liam ran his fingers in her hair and twirled her fingers around her tips.
" Ooh.God!!!",I screamed as I buried my face in my cushion. I was filled with rage. I would walk up to Liam and strangle him but no...I wasn't that evil. I was a good man. I told myself that and convinced myself that they are just very good friends. I denied entertaining jealousy. It eats you slowly and when you realise it....you're already wiped out.
Love is pure as it is. It doesn't need jealousy to be proven strong and excess. That's madness!
"Am a man of honour", I smiled and stood up. "Jealousy has no place around me". I said with each nerve heating up because I honestly didn't mean that.
"You've really grown up...sadly it took a heap of water down in your brain to bring the sense back", Liam smirked and it was followed by a yell from Prim
"Liam! Don't say that", she fired.
"Am a free man", he said raising his hands and walking toward the main door. Prim was still looking at him and he smiled at her and left.
Liam!
One amazing ,handsome,annoying,boring brother. All those in him. I loved him a lot.
" What are you supposed to tell me?",she asked walking toward me. I gave her a quizzical look and she reminded me that Liam said I was going to tell her something. I rubbed my forehead
She remembered! I thought whatever happened in between made her forget!
"Prim.....", I began. I walked to were she was and held her hands in mine.
"Am so sorry..... Since we met....I've been a jerk and an idiot. I admit it. I was having a hard time balancing my past and my present.... Am so sorry for in the long run, I hurt you. I hurt you a lot. I never intended to.....am so sorry ", I said as I rubbed my nose. I didn't know if I meant this. Apologizing wasn't really my thing. If I count the times I've said sorry,trust me they won't go beyond ten and the worst part was all the scenarios where after I met Prim. No matter how the evidence of being in the wrong pointed at me,I never really apologized. I just brushed it off with an 'It's cool man' or 'I'll do better next time'. Those are just words of assurance and not necessarily an apology. I'd really rather assure someone than to apologize. I just couldn't. I valued myself way too much sometimes and I couldn't see myself falling on my knees asking for an apology. And here I was trying to fix everything with Prim. She really needed an apology. She deserved one but my body just wasn't ready to speak it out even though my heart was totally willing.
"Can you be more sincere...",she raised her eyebrows at me. She must've noticed my reluctance in doing this whole thing. At least I was honest enough to express my true feelings. I really meant every word just that I was fighting hard the facial expression that was also fighting hard to paint itself on my face.
How much of sincerity was she looking for? Wasn't this sincere enough to deserve an I forgive you?
"Should I kneel down?", I asked. My statement carried a bit of sarcasm and fortunately she didn't pick it.
She laughed.
"Is that what sincerity means to you?", she asked still laughing.
"How sure should I be that you are really sorry?", she asked seriously.
Oooh...that's what she meant.
"I give you my word. I am so sorry.....from the depth of my heart. I can't promise to never make mistakes....I can even assure you that am not Mr Perfect..... But in my imperfection,I shall drive perfection just to suit us",I said looking right into her face.
I saw her smile.
She smiled and looked to the ground. I prayed that she believed me,she trusts me again and restores our happy selves once more.
"Apology accepted", she smiled...with content....and kindness....
*****
"May I have your order Sir? ",a feminine voice asked right behind me. I knew the voice. The voice of my beloved rose.....
I was sitting in the corner and facing the wall. I never liked it when I had to face the whole customers and everybody points at me. Whispering,smiling,blushing,waving!
Urgh!
As if they've seen God....
It's just me!
"Um...sure...I would like one order of YOU.....Extra beautiful ", I smiled as I raised my eyes and they went straight into hers. By the grace of God,she also looked at me and it was a bomb. She froze and blushed and tried to not make it obvious that I make her heart beat. Girls!!
She wrote something on her notepad and shoved it in her apron's pocket.
"Order coming right up", she smiled as she pulled the chair opposite to mine and took a sit.
"Am Omar...Omarion Green", I extended my hand for a handshake.
"Am Prim..... Primrose Gerardia ",she replied as she gently shook my hand.