"I think you're just underselling yourself," said Schwarz, who was nodding sagely over a glass of apple juice. "It's quite common for people to diminish their own talents and exalt others. Heck, even I do it myself!"
Dia glanced at her empty cup, and that little action immediately prompted Schwarz to fill it to the brim once more. "You?"
"Yes, me." The bartender made pulled out a small bag of crackers and tore it open. "Want one? Crispy snacks and apple juice always goes well together."
"Oh, thanks." Dia nibbled at the thin biscuit. "But I can't really imagine you underselling yourself, though. Your contributions are so meaningful, so…"
"They are?" Schwarz chuckled. "Alright. Tell me, what are my contributions?"
"You go around and gather intelligence about the happenings, along with Risti. You also have lots of channels to purchase things from, like the ballistae installed here. You handle paperwork that Farah hands down, completing in ways that doesn't make her sigh or anything," Dia promptly replied. "All this are things I can't do."
"Well, to me, I don't think I'm doing all that much," Schwarz replied. "Look here. At the heart of it all, I consider my work to be easy; I go around talking to people, I pay them money to write their observations, and then I process these observations quickly, before sending them to Farah. I don't think I have an irreplaceable role in all this."
Dia found herself lost for words. Schwarz found himself replaceable? That just didn't fit her observations, though. If there was anyone that really wasn't useful, it should have been her.
"See what I mean?" The bartender took a swig. "I think my work isn't all that important, but you have a different opinion. Likewise, I think your job in handling the training of the Moon Guards is important, but you said it yourself — to you, it's just an extension of your morning training."
He shrugged. "That's just how it is. Most people have a tendency to downplay their importance, because they don't consider their duties hard. It's the same for you, me and just about everyone here. If you don't believe me, you can ask even Farah; I believe she'll say the same about how she thinks she isn't all that useful."
"But—"
"Yeah, I know. But she probably thinks the same way too, right? In fact," said Schwarz, "if you go around asking everyone if they're useful, they'll all probably say no. When you have time, you should try it out."
Dia mulled over the bartender's words for a moment. "Okay then. Maybe I'll find some time to talk to the others."
"Do that. You'll feel better after a while. It'll also help everyone get over their self-inflicted sense of inferiority," Schwarz replied.
"Wait, since you're already aware of this issue, why do you still think of yourself as useless then?" Dia asked.
"The mind knows one thing, but the heart thinks another," Schwarz replied. "Drinking too much is obviously bad for one's health, but why do people still indulge in it? They can't control themselves, that's why. Logic and emotions just don't like to roll together at times, you know. It's natural that you would doubt yourself, given the events at Nachtville."
Dia didn't refute him. It was true that her confidence had been affected by the murderer's skill at arms. Even if she knew the truth — the murderer had drunk Experiential Potions made with Zulan Patra's memories — that didn't do anything to lift her spirits. What did all her hard work amount to, if it could be matched by someone by merely ingesting a bunch of potions?
"Anyway, you should work on regaining your confidence," said the bartender. "Each of us here plays an irreplaceable role here; other than Risti and I, there's nothing much in the way of overlapping responsibilities."
He made a rueful smile. "Some part of me still thinks that Risti alone could handle all the work, though…and the fact that I'm actually thinking that is proof of what I said about the natural tendency to undersell oneself."
Shrugging, Schwarz downed the rest of his drink. "I'm going to head out and chat with the others for a bit. You should go out soon too. Being alone with negative thoughts can drive people thinking and doing bad things."
"Really?"
"I'm a bartender, not a café owner. Trust me on this, if nothing else." He smiled. "Right, remember to wash that cup after you're down mulling over drink. This here is Moon Mansion, not Triple-D."
Chuckling, he stepped out of the room, leaving Dia to her own thoughts. Schwarz made a very good point, but she still couldn't quite get rid of her own feelings of inadequacy.
"Hmm." Dia swirled the glass apple juice around, before noting that Schwarz had left the little bag of crackers behind. "Didn't he encourage me to go out and talk to the others? What's the point of leaving some crackers for me?"
"Maybe because he asked me to talk to you, I guess," a sweet voice wafted in from outside. "Need something, Dia?"
"Lily!" Dia smiled. "I was just feeling troubled about some issues, but let's put that aside for a moment, okay? I haven't had the chance to talk to you ever since you left for Julan. Are you feeling alright? I heard about the general gist of things…if you're free, let's go out to get some sweet stuff when you have time."
"That's nice of you, Dia, but I can't put you in danger because of this," Lily replied. "But I tested some new creations a few days back; you could help me try them out and see if they're any good."
"…the ones with odd names, right?"
"Exciting names," Lily corrected. "I've been improving them with the help of some friendly tastebuds. Adding yours to the mix is just going to make them even better! I mean, as the princess' bodyguard, you must have had your fair share of sweets and high-class delights, right? Your tongue must be one of a kind!"
Lily's focus on Dia's tongue was a bit unnerving, but it was nice to know that at least some bit of her was useful.
"Sure. I'll look forward to it," Dia replied.
"Nice." Lily smiled, although it felt a bit forced to Dia. "So, uh…Schwarz told me that you were feeling down and everything."
"What exactly did he tell you?"
"That's it, really. He didn't say all that much," Lily replied. "He just wanted me to come and talk to you."
For a moment, Dia wanted to fob her off by saying some random nonsense, but she really was curious about what Lily thought about herself. Was it pure coincidence that Schwarz asked Lily of all people to come in? Or did he already have a grasp of what Dia herself had thought earlier?
"Well, if you don't mind me offloading some of my thoughts, then." Dia took a deep breath. "I felt that I was rather useless in the Moon Lords, really. There's nothing much I can do, other than waving a sword around and talking about random news at large. So…"
"Useless, huh." Lily pointed at the cup. "Can I have some?"
"Sure, go ahead," Dia replied. "It's apple juice, in case you were wondering."
"Yeah, well, that's the only Triple-D beverage you and I are ever going to drink. Didn't really need an explanation," Lily replied.
"Schwarz actually has pretty good brews, though." Dia paused. "What? Why are you looking at me like that?"
"Did you just praise his alcohol?" Lily asked, agog. "Does he have a handle over you? Or did you spoil your tastebuds? Which is it?"
"…Neither," Dia replied. "I guess I should be a bit clearer. Schwarz's brews, when following a recipe to the letter, are great. It's just that most of his drinks are homebrewed with no regard to the drinker's health and taste."
"Ah. Okay." Lily patted her chest and heaved a sigh. "Good. Anyway, if we're comparing utility, I'm quite sure that I rank the bottom. But what of it? It's not about what you feel, it's about what you do that matters. Even if you think you're useless, as long as you live up to your promises and your ideals, such thoughts will never last. Got it?"
For some reason, Lily looked really distant at this juncture, which set off alarm bells in Dia's head. Her mind raced as Dia cast around for another topic, which immediately settled on her travelling buddy.
"Right, right. Did Claud bully you while you two were travelling?" Dia asked.
Lily's eyes lit up. "No, he didn't bully me at all!"
"Really?" Dia asked. "Well, if you say so. But what was travelling with such a paranoid person like? Did he really set up traps when sleeping and everything?"
"It felt safe, I guess." Lily smiled. "He did set up all kinds of traps and artefacts when we were sleeping, or even when we were cooking outdoors."
Dia had a feeling that there was something odd about that reply, but since she couldn't quite place her finger on it, she moved on to ask about other things related to Lily's trip.
It didn't take long for them to forget about the original topic.