Why are there some things that can't be explained?
It feels like my actions have brought me into a life full of vain
My life feels like it is over and I have died.
I only wish that I could have someone by my side
That could help with all of pain suffering
It hurts me because I never knew what my actions would bring
Frank Pulver ~ Pain and Suffering
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Do you ever feel like your soul should lift and protect your body?
Do ever feel pain so raw, like you walked into flames and you stay in?
Do you stare up at the sky and ask, why me?
A shout, A scream, A cry.
"Next time, you do as I tell you. No questions asked!" Seth hisses at me through clenched teeth. His pale face is turning bright red, seething with anger. I nod furiously, pushing myself as far up against the wall as I can. My hands physically shake, trembling from the fear overtaking me.
Whatever you don't make eye contact, he sees it as a challenge.
It's been two years since Seth took me away from Florida and brought to only God knows where. All I know is that I lived in a hole.
He acted as if he liked me as he would help. Right now I wish I never left Hunter. I regret every single move I made in the last two and a half years.
I've been his puppet for two years now, and by puppet I mean I do his runs. Since he didn't take me back to Hunter, Hunter made sure to ruin his name and due to fear he never returned to Neithines. It was a fault he couldn't return to his home and he didn't have anywhere else, so I have to pay for what I caused him.
He was angry right now because I wouldn't serve one of his new customers. My job was to be their play thingy for as long as they pay for, sex was never part of the deal. They could touch me all they wanted but never to have sex with me, even Seth never had sex with me. The man sent his driver to drop me off at the hole, Seth was waiting at the door to receive me.
"He wanted sex and I couldn't give him that, It isn't in my job description," I said while staring straight at the floor, hoping he'd understand.
"I don't care what your job description is, you are to serve him and nothing less. Now he wants his money back and I don't know how I'd give him back. You are going to pay for this."
He wraps his hand around strands of my hair and he pulls my head backwards, my scalp throbbing.
"Please stop! You don't have to do this!" I yell, pleading with him. My screams of agony fall upon deaf ears so I give up and lie there motionlessly, letting him torture me like his little rag doll.
Later that day
I stare at my reflection in the mirror and sigh, hastily wiping the tears away from my eyes. I refuse to cry. . . That's exactly what he wants. He wants me to suffer and I'll never give him the satisfaction of knowing I already am.
My blonde hair had grown back out since I never redyed it. A big clump of my hair is missing, the scalp throbbing painfully where he'd ripped it out. My finger trail down my cheek under my eye where the stinging is now turning into a tender blue bruise.
My skin tone doesn't make me feel any better. I have to wear a load of makeup to cover up this bruise.
I lift my top to see how bad my tummy looked. I bite my bottom lip and let out a small whimper as I run my fingers over the damage he inflicted. As expected the bruises run up my sides but thankfully nothing feels broken.
I don't even know if anything is not broken because I don't think I know the difference.
I walk back into the room, It's time to do what I do all day every day. I pick up my journal, the only thing that Seth gave me when I kept complaining that I had nothing to do all. At first, I didn't know what I was supposed to do with it, but I realized that since I couldn't talk to anyone I might as well communicate with myself, my mind and my soul. They were never linked but writing ties them together.
I sit up next to the window, staring at the sky and I begin;
I did this to me,
I let me get the best of me,
I let me destroy me,
He tried to hold me but I pushed him away,
He begged me to stay but I left overnight,
I have no right to complain,
I have been crippled by my words,
Stabbed by my mind,
Betrayed by my heart,
It's nothing I have left,
And nothing will have to do.
There was a loud knock on my door. "Get out of your daydream and get your bloody self out here" I heard Seth shout from the other side.
That's how he calls me when he has a customer for me to serve.
I pick out what I usually wear, apply my makeup and head downstairs.
"We have a big deal. We don't know the person and it is supposed to stay that way till you meet the person. It turns out that one of our previous customers recommended you to him." I stare at the ground in the thought of what he just said. Our customers have never been anonymous before, why now? what if I'm kidnapped? Or worse, killed? That would actually be better though.
"So when and where am I meeting my pick up?"
"It's not right now, It's later tonight? So you must be of your best behaviour because the money is the real deal."
I stood fixed to a spot, staring at the ground, I couldn't get my mind off the fact that the person was anonymous and it could be a setup.
"Why are you still standing there, are you deaf?" I snap out of my thoughts and look up to find am= ready to beat me up, Seth.
"I'm sorry, what were you s-saying?"
"I can see that I've been too lenient with you, we need to take this to the next level"
He begins to approach me. I back up till my back hits the wall. "I said I'm sorry, it won't repeat itself."
"I don't care, I've been wanting to do this for a while now. Come and leave your self for me."
I repeat those words in my head trying to give meaning to it.
"but we have a customer tonight, don't you think it's wrong timing"
"no darling, it's the perfect timing. It'll prepare you for the customer because I'm very sure he'll want more"
I didn't know what to do or how I was supposed to defend myself, I just fell to my knees and allowed him to do what he wanted.
He dragged me by my hair to his bedroom, threw me on the mattress and ordered me to undress. I stiffly removed my clothes and folded them neatly on the ground.
"Now I'm going to fuck like you've never experienced and you're going serve this customer better than you've serviced anyone."
That's when I came back to my senses." please don't touch me"
I don't know what I was thinking, It was like he hypnotized me.
"Oh don't worry it won't hurt at all"
I tried getting up from the bed but he pushed me back with great force that I felt my neck snap.
"Please, let me go" was all I could repeat. I felt so weak, I don't think I could feel what he was doing to me.
I let the tears run down my cheek as I left the world to a safer place.
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I'm really sorry it took this long to update, bear with me 😉🖖
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