"Blair, don't get upset. There are-"
"How dare you ask me not to get upset, Jesse. You might have known this shit all your life, so it isn't news to you but it's news to me!"
I groaned, standing from the swing and beginning to pace for just a second. Then, I caught Carson's eyes, which were now fully black, and my movements stuttered.
I sat back down, chest tight for more than once reason. Although I wanted to cover my face and cry, I was too scared that Carson could make a move.
Even though he'd said he wasn't "stupid" enough to do so, how did I know that was the truth?
Instead, I knotted my fingers in the dark blonde curls close to my scalp, feeling how tangled my hair was, stressing me even more.
I felt like I was coming unglued. I slept regularly. I took care of myself.
This version of me was wrong.
Had I stepped into an alternate universe?
Fallen through the cracks in time?
Is this Into the Spiderverse, or Doctor Who?
It felt just like the time my sister confessed to me we weren't fully related. It felt exactly like my mother's face when she couldn't refute the fact that my dad wasn't my father.
Back then, I totally thought my world was coming to an end. But this, this was so much worse. I felt crazy.
Sure, I'd been suspicious. I was sleep deprived, looking for answers until my body gave out. It wasn't so much of a shock, just more of the fact I had not had enough time to let everything sink in.
It had been less than a week! And each time I tried to come to terms with the new information, I'd be blindsided by shit like, "my father is an ex hunter!"
I mostly felt betrayed. Everything that was going on in this world, just below the surface, was somehow kept hidden. Jesse knew he was a witch. So why did I only find out when I threw a vampire against the glass door?
My father was involved. Was my mother? My sister?
How many vampires existed here? How many witches?
How many people did I walk by daily that held these secrets, and said nothing while I stupidly walked into danger?
Jesse was right.
I don't want this.
I should have walked away, forgotten everything. But now it's too late.
I inhaled deeply, awaiting Jesse and Carson's response. I had been silently panicking for several minutes, but they made no move to help me. It was probably best that way.
My palms burned, the bottoms of my feet, too. The energy welled in me like all of the emotions inside that I couldn't name.
I shut it off.
I imagined myself pressing a button, one that turned all of my anger, resentment, fear, disappointment, all negative emotions off.
And I inhaled again, less shaky and bigger breaths. When I exhaled, I imagined all the emotions leaving my body.
I even closed my eyes, trying to lessen the fear of Carson's presence and almost testing the boundary.
When I opened them, the buzzing and burning had subsided. My view of the two sitting together at the deck table no longer felt as scary. The information I'd learned didn't make me nearly as angry. I felt a lot more balanced, the way I had when I'd first woken up on Jesse's couch.
"I'm done. I want to forget everything. I want to go back to being blissfully unaware of everything."
"Unfortunately, ignorance doesn't fix it. All this would still exist. Not knowing about it doesn't change anything. Especially now that you're magic is... Well, it's lucid. You can't get rid of it. You've just gotta learn to control it." Jesse finished.
I knew that. Even still, I hoped he'd give me another answer.
I kept my feelings in check, and tried to brush off the disappointment.
Carson stood, making me jump slightly, but didn't make me want to scream as he approached me.
Honestly, it might have been because if he was going to kill me, death would have been easier.
He bent down to eye level with me, his now, deep black eyes staring into mine with conviction. It looked like he felt sorry for me.
Usually, it would have pissed me off. But I remained still, unsure of what would happen next.
"I'm sorry. If it wasn't for my brother, your life might have been different.
I hope that you'd forgive him, to keep the peace between us all."
I felt a little angry, like he was toying with my emotions. Somehow, I could feel his aura manipulating me. But I couldn't shake how sorry his eyes were. I sighed and shook my head.
"I need to know things. I need all my questions answered. Then we can talk about all this forgiveness and peace and whatever the hell else.
I wanna go home and take a shower. Then, Jesse, meet me at your mom's bar. I'll text you."
I felt around in my pockets and found the cell phone. It was relieving that it was still there. But my thoughts remained elsewhere, trapped in the whirlwind of confusion swirling around in my head.
"And then? You just want me to answer all your questions? Give you lessons or some shit?" Jesse asked, trying not to laugh at the idea.
The frustration continued to rise at what felt like a blatant jab at me. I stared at the bright eyes as I determined whether or not I should get upset.
After a few seconds, I looked down and sighed. My heart was heavy, my head full, but my body was finally feeling back to normal. I wiped the thoughts from my head as best as I could. I would get there, but for now, getting upset at my only source for answers was a bad idea. I cleared my throat and responded,
"Yeah, or some shit. Now someone bring me to my car and tell me where my keys are."