Walking through the streets of our illuminated city, it's... painful. My scars throb like they're freshly opened, in sync with the clicking of my footsteps across the pavement. The scarf around my neck smells like her, with my hands in the pockets of the other's pocket. Like they're always with me, wherever I go. Either looming over my shoulder, or linking their arms around mine, I can feel them all around me. My gaze sweeps through the crowd walking past me, approaching me, and the like. Some of them are couples, some are elderly, some are alone, just like me. Snow's coming, and it reminds me of you.
A dry laugh escapes my lips, giving me a few couple stares from people nearby. The winter's fast approaching, yet the cold I feel is far deadlier than the tangible proof of the blistering cold promised by time, as the seasons die one after another. My back feels like it's been encroached in ice, no matter how much fire cannot put it out, much less even begin to thaw it. I'm a hopeless case, I've lived for too long. Excruciatingly long. The bright light of a display stand of a clothing shop catches my eyes, ugly sweaters of all sizes, designs, and shapes greeting my vision and feeds the pits of my imagination.
I'm sure you would've looked horrendous in that reindeer designed' cotton sweater. I can see you puffing your chest out and wearing it with pride, merely because I bought it for you. And as for her, she'll definitely rather I play with her in the snow, turning a small snow battle into something a few minutes of clean up can't fix. A sharp lance pierces through my decrepit, cold, almost dead heart, and my vision blurs. I can't feel the warmth of my own tears, just the fact that I can feel wetness streaking down my eyes. Instinctively, I use your scarf to wipe them away- like you're in front of me, looking with that kind and forgiving expression, using your own fingertips instead of the handkerchiefs that I give you. You probably lost them- you use towels more. A bitter smile creaks my stiff cheeks loose, far more awkward than anything.
I'm sorry. The "million dollar smile" you're so proud of is gone. You even coined it the term for it, I just smile naturally. I wrench my eyes away from the pretty scenery, and direct them to the stars. I wonder where you two are. I just hope it's a better place.
I'm sorry I wasn't strong enough to protect you. If I was just stronger during that time, then our fates surely would've been better.
I sigh coldly. I need to get back home, my throat feels dry. I hope that the new alcohol I bought came in. I don't feel like I can sleep tonight. Not like I've ever been able to, anyway. It's been too long.
Everyone's doing well, you two. I miss you.