Malfoy had just rejected him again. It wasn't the first or the second or the third or even the fourth. He had been more than elated to finally have him off his back at the beginning of the eight year after the war. But it had lasted just a week. And somehow he had ended up searching around for that blonde hair in the crowds. The great hall. The corridors. Quitditch matches. Classes. Everywhere. It felt weird at first. After the war, Ginny and he felt like somehow even though they loved each other, it wasn't complete. Ginny was the first to blurt out.
"I am gay" she had said,casually.
Harry was shocked but somehow it didn't hurt. They sat quite for a while.
"I am sorry Harry" she said "that it took me this long to figure it out."
Harry didn't know what to say. He wasn't disappointed but shouldn't he be? He turned towards her.
"I am glad you did in the end" he said "you'll always have me, no matter how many tantrums she throws at you" he smiled.
A wide grin played on the corner of Ginny's lips as she hugged Harry.
"Thankyou so much. Oh harry! I am so grateful you are still here" she said, her voice quivering.
Harry held her tighter as he smiled.
And that had been that. Harry hadn't tell her though that he felt different too. That boys seemed more appealing to him than girls. He didn't because he wasn't sure. There were moments when the guys dormitory seemed awful for pulling a one sided weight on his decisions. Yet he had quite early figured out that no matter how many girls approached him with enchanted chocolates and potions, he just didn't feel it.
It was two months after school had started. Harry's nightmares still visited. But instead of his parents, he saw them. All of them who had died for him. Remus, Tonks, Fred, Colin.... they were all there. That night it was particularly bad. He had woken up drenched in his sweat, tears forming in his eyes. The dormitory was quite except for Ron's soft snores. He washed his face and put on some heating charms before slipping under the invisibility clock and making his way to the astronomy tower. He stood there as he thought about Dumbledore's death. He knew after the war, looking through Snape's memories, that he couldn't have done anything. Dumbledore had known what was coming. He knew but his killer didn't. Snape wasn't suppose to kill him. Draco was. Draco was supposed to be one who killed him. Harry felt guilt rising about his chest. His thoughts ran to Draco. About how scared he must have been. About how much he didn't understand what Draco had been going through. Harry felt a pang of guilt for thinking about all of the things Draco did so he could protect his family. He felt like somehow he did the same things Harry had done over the past few years to save his own family and friends. Except, Harry had been guided on the good side whilst Draco had been led by his father's mistakes. Harry took out the Marauder's Map from his pocket and whispered,
"I solemnly swear I am up to no good" tapping his wand to it.
Footsteps slowly started to appear. His being away from the rest of the dormitories. Except, there was one other footstep who was in the next balcony.
Draco Malfoy. The map read.
Harry's heart started racing. Before he could comprehend, he was walking towards Draco with his invisibility cloak on.
Draco was standing on the end of the bridge in his pajamas and a robe. He obviously had on heating charms for he was not shivering. As Harry walked nearer, he saw the bottle of fire whiskey placed beside his resting arms on the sill.
Draco was drinking.
Harry felt a slight flutter in his gut as he looked at the sight of Malfoy. His hair was down unlike the usual brushed up. It was messy even. Harry felt a sudden urge to run his fingers through it. He had a satin black robe on beneath which he wore the same coloured night suit. He was wearing his bedroom slippers. Harry looked down at his own. His looked posh with all that fur. Harry's looked.. well normal. On getting more closer, Harry saw the red around his eyes. Draco had been crying.
The tears were heavy. It had been another nightmare. He was back at the Mansion. It was cold. Even as he sat beside the fireplace, the warmth couldn't reach him. There was a loud commotion and as he ran towards it, he saw the wand up in the air. Lucius and Narcissa on their knees. Bonded with magic. A green light flashed as the words
"Avada Kedavra" left his mouth.
As he watched his mother and father fall, the snake like face turned towards him laughing as he called for the snake, pointing towards Draco. And he had woken up, sweat drenched, face wet with tears. No one had heard. The room was quite and he could see Blaise, still asleep on his bed. Draco cleaned himself up before casting some heating charms and taking out the fire whiskey making his way towards the bridge.
At first it was meant to be just a few sips. But as he stood there the memories storming, he just couldn't stop. The whiskey was almost gone now and he was drunk. Crying. No one knew. No one saw. No one understood. But somehow for most of the part, he always felt like Potter would understand, wouldn't he? He would be able to see the anguish he went through to be in constant fear and forgive him for being chained on the other side, wouldn't he? He gave in to the thoughts and the emotions that flowed through him as his tears flowed relentlessly muffling his pain.
Harry stood there, appalled, as he watched Draco take another sip and carelessly rub his tears on the sleeves of his robe. He brushed his fingers halfway through his hair, resting it on place as he looked up to the sky, closing his eyes to let the tears keep falling.
Harry felt a stab in his heart as his stomach curled up to this sight of Draco. He removed the cloak, revealing himself. It was some time before Draco finally opened his eyes. Sensing a presence, his wand was instantaneously on his hand, pointed towards Harry, as he tumbled a few steps back. Harry quickly shot both his arms upward.
"Draco, it's me. Harry." He said in a calm voice.
Draco leaned in a little towards Harry as if clearing his eyes adjusting to his voice. His grip still tight on the wand.
"Harry?" He slurred "Harry Potter?"
Harry nodded his head as the word "yes" escaped his lips.
"It's me Draco. Lower your wand. I am not here to hurt you" said Harry as calmly as he could muster. He took a step towards Draco who seemed stilled and just staring at Harry. Harry took it as an encouragement and moved more closer but as soon as he gripped Draco's hand to release the wand, Draco jerked his arm pulling Harry towards him. For an instant, Harry stopped breathing. A moment later he felt Draco's arms around him as he sobbed into his shoulders. Draco was hugging him. Harry couldn't move. He didn't know what to do.
"Potter. You are here. You understand, don't you? You understand why I had to do it. You understand.. don't you?" He clutched on to Harry's shirt as he sobbed holding on to him. Harry felt a lump rise in his throat as his arms slowly enclosed around Draco. He felt warm. Draco smelled like firewhisky and something sweet. His body trembled as he held on to Harry more tighter.
"He was there.... Mother and Father.. I was scared" he sobbed "I was so scared"
Harry rubbed his back gently.
"I wanted to leave. I wanted to let him kill me but Mother.." he was sobbing more harder "Mother didn't wanted this. She.... I couldn't ask her to die.. for my.. sufferings.. to end I-" he couldn't go on anymore. The tears kept coming. He was holding on to Harry as if it was for dear life itself. He trembled and shook as he sobbed down soaking Harry's right shoulder.
"I.." he sobbed.
"I know Draco. I know. It must have been hard." Said Harry gently patting him on the back "I am sorry I didn't see it before. I am sorry" he mumbled.
Draco couldn't stop. It was as if he needed to let this out. Needed someone to know how hard it was.
Harry held him more closer, whispering "It's okay" "It's gonna be okay" "I know Draco, I know."
Harry couldn't believe how blind he had been. Draco had watched the murders and had been made part of it unwillingly. He had lived in constant fear of death and loss. He had even lived under the same roof as Voldemort who had constantly tortured his father and mother in front of his eyes. He had been ready to kill for the people he had loved. His family. Harry felt anything but anger thinking how during the war Draco had tried to kill him in the Room or Requirement. It was Goyle who had started the fire. Draco wanted him alive to be taken to Voldemort. He just wanted to save his family. He was scared too. As much as Harry was, he was scared too. And what Narcissa did for Draco's sake, lying to Voldemort, was no lesser than what Lily had done for him. And if Lily and James had ever been in such a position, he would have done what Draco did too.
Harry walked Draco to the nearby stairs leading up to the tower. Draco rested his head on Harry's shoulder as Harry draped his right arm around him.
"I am sorry" Draco whispered, his voice hoarse with all the crying.
Harry looked at him. Brushing his hair from his eyes. He cupped his chin and found his eyes. The war had found a home in Draco Malfoy's nightmares and his eyes spoke no less.
Harry passed his thumb over his chin.
"I am sorry too. I'll be here. Always. I understand." He said gently wrapping both his arms around Draco.
As he held Draco in his arms that night, Harry knew, he would do anything to protect this boy. Anything.
Draco was knocked out. Harry was all warm and sweaty carrying him on his back till the slytherin dungeons under the invisibility cloak. Sweat dripped from his forehead as he scooted over to the last stair, the cloak barely covering Draco's lanky legs. He put down Draco, resting his head near the door and flopped down beside him. He cleared the sweat with a dry spell and looked at Draco.
He had to wake him up for the password. But Harry didn't think he could. Draco's hair was falling over his eyes. His lips, which were used to either staying pressed or smirking, were opened slightly to a forming pout. He looked so peaceful and after what had happened earlier, Harry didn't want to disturb that peace. Harry's hand almost touched his shoulder when the portrait suddenly flung opened. In his panicked state Harry quickly pulled over the invisibility cloak on Draco. He stood there ready to face whoever it was.
Harry almost didn't recognise Blaise and Pansy. Pansy gave out a shriek as Blaise quickly covered her mouth.
"Pansy! Shut it off or Filch will hear us" he said, agitated.
"Potte..er" she said pointing to where Harry stood.
Blaise turned to look at Harry who stood there without a word.
"What are you doing here Potter?" Asked Blaise.
"I..I have prefect business" he said. He didn't feel safe telling them about Draco yet.
"Why are you guys out of your beds?" He asked.
"It does not concern you" said Blaise his lips pressed.
"He might have seen him" whispered Pansy from behind to Blaise, audible enough for Harry to hear.
"Who?" Asked Harry.
"It does not concern you" replied Blaise with the former agitation again.
"Now if you may, we have some work" said Blaise as she pulled along Pansy by the arm.
Pansy stopped just nearby Harry as Blaise looked at her.
"Potter, I swear if you have seen Draco and did something to him and I find out, I'll come after you and make Voldemort's ass look sorry." She hissed with such angst almost making Harry topple over Draco. Harry looked at them. They were Hermione and Ron to Draco. Ever since school had started, they had always been together. Harry didn't trust Blaise at all but Pansy? Well, she and Draco had been friends since 1st year itself. His brain ticked on as he tried to decide whether to tell her or not. If he did, Pansy would probably take Draco back to the room. If he didn't, he would have to find the password which might go on till the morning or he'd have to take Draco to his room. He heaved out a sigh.
"I found him at the bridge near the astronomy tower drinking fire whiskey alone. As I was leaving I saw him blacked out . So,I-" he pulled off the invisibility cloak off Draco "I- "
"You killed him?" Pansy gaped in horror as she looked at Draco.
"No I-"
Before Harry could finish Blaise was already propped on one knee and checking Draco's vitals.
"He is alive." he mounted "Just heavily drunk." looking at Pansy and giving Harry a look.
"Let's take him to the room before someone else comes along" said Blaise as he picked up Draco in a bridal style. Harry felt a burning sensation in his chest. He stared at Blaise as Pansy hurried over to help him. Harry stood there watching them take him away. As the portrait closed, Harry sighed as he bent down to pick up the invisibility cloak. He was startled by the portrait swinging open. He looked up. Pansy stood there.
"Po- Harry" she called out.
"Yeah.." said Harry feeling an unease hearing his name from her mouth for the first time.
"Did he do anything or say anything when you found him?" Harry felt a flutter in his gut as he thought about Draco in his arms and a weight on his chest as he remembered his cries.
He simply shook his head.
"No." he said "Nothing. He was just blacked out."
She looked at him in the eye for a few seconds as if making sure Harry wasn't lying. Harry's heart pounded in his chest but he didn't flinch at her stare.
"Okay then" she said finally "Thankyou for bringing him back. Goodnight." and she turned around to leave.
Harry let out a sigh of relief as he watched the portrait place itself back in its place. He pulled over the invisibility cloak and walked up the stairs. The feel of Draco in his arms seemed to linger on till now. And he wasn't complaining. As he made his way back to his dorm, he wondered if Draco would even remember all that happened the next day.
Harry wished he would.