It had been a few days since that unforgettably brutal death of my father. Raizo and the others also found out about this incident, and as expected, they became pretty shaken too. They did drop by from time to time as check-ups. Soon, us siblings got a little adjusted to the affair by now.
The world kept moving on as it has always did, even though someone recently died - dragging us all along with it without any pause.
Mom, however, had still been in eternal shock. It seemed like only her world came to a halt... I was actually getting very worried about her. She would usually wake up late in the morning and weep throughout the whole night, sometimes even scream in the middle.
When I would go to the academy, mom would stand in front of my window for hours and stare in the distance. I always have to pat her shoulders lightly in order to get her attention from spacing out. She doesn't even know when I enter the room. That's how much lost she gets.
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Mom also cries so much that, often, there are black pouches under her red eyes. Her lips are mostly dry and she wouldn't even dare to eat my dishes and because of that, she lost a lot of weight. Yes, I had to be the one cooking meals for us both now.
Previously, mom used to still cook meals, but she would always end up hurting her fingers, cutting her wrist or even burning her hands by constantly daydreaming while resting them on the hot stove, so I ended up taking over.
I already had a little bit of kitchen experience, but it still wasn't enough to be put practically. So, I had to constantly learn by myself for mom's sake. In no time, I started making dishes exactly like mom's. I was quite proud of myself for the hard work I put into it.
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Mom also used to sleep in her room, but recently, she had been screaming or crying at nights and claiming that she saw my dad next to her. Again, I had to take action, so I let her sleep with me from then onwards.
I must say, it was quite hard to sleep with her, I mean, most of the time, I stay awake to console mom as she cries. I was beginning to think that she developed a mental disorder. But, just by mentioning the word 'hospital', mom would get furious at me, so - very reluctantly, I kind of let it be.
However she acted, whatever she acted, it wasn't normal. At all. I did find it quite peculiar how my second dad's death shook mom so much, when she never even mentioned what happened to her previous husband. He was still a mystery to me - I have never once even met him. The curiosity is still freshly imprinted in the back of my mind...
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Soon, my realisation became reality one day and it wasn't good.
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As usual, when I came back from the academy, I saw mom in my room staring out the window.
"Hey mom..." I greeted as I tossed my bag on the bed.
When I came closer to her, I saw mom pointing outside with a fearsome expression on her face.
She then spoke, "...Kurashina, where are you going? No, come back! Come back! It's too dangerous to change it all!!"
(...???)
In worry, I gently held my mom's shoulder and whispered, "Mom, what's wrong? Are you seeing dad again...?"
My mom faced me and grabbed hold of my wrists as she shouted, feeling extremely paranoid, "Asuna, stop him! He is going to meet him! He will die! Please, do something!"
"Mom! Dad is gone long back... He is not... there..."
With a gasp and eyes wide, mom slowly released her grip.
"No... Asuna, don't lie to me!"
"Mom, I'm not lying! Dad... really is gone... And he's not coming back...!"
It truly pained me to be arguing with mom about her hallucinations, but I had to stop her from hurting herself any further. And make her face the broken truth.
Feeling aggrieved, mom got disappointed, and swiftly opened the window as she hopped on it.
"Mom!! What are you doing?!"
In a hurry, I grabbed the hem of mom's shirt, but she just yanked my hand away as she jumped outside.
(What the -- That's crazy thinking!)
Suppressing the inapproachable thought in mind, I was quick enough to grab mom's ankle. Looks like I did make a lot of progress as I do have what it takes to protect her.
Without much struggle, I pulled mom back into the room.
"Oh, Kurashina...*sob*"
As soon as she locked eyes with me, she fainted.
Just like that.
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"Mom!!!"
I called her name over and over, but she didn't respond. I even lightly slapped her cheeks and shook her from her shoulders but still, no use. I immediately called the nearest hospital.
(Ugh, I knew I should have done this sooner, despite mom resisting...!)
I was truly frustrated at myself for my carelessness. But, in the end, what's done is done...
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I held mom in my arms as I waited for the sirens to be heard. I didn't know what to do, but to keep on trying to wake her up although I knew it would be of no use. Finally, after what seemed like forever, the ambulance came and picked her up. I, too, tagged along.
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In the hospital...
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I was walking briskly outside the hospital room where my mom stayed. The others, except Natsuno and Nikki, rushed here as soon as they heard the news. Raizo was a little late as well.
I asked them why Nikki and Natsuno didn't come and Mizore explained that the two were already devastated when dad died and that they wouldn't be able to handle this news. Everyone looked distressed. The situation reminded me so much of the day when Raizo was unconscious. There wasn't much difference, really.
"Asuna! Is mom doing okay?!" Raizo asked as soon as he saw me.
"I... don't know. The doctors are checking her right now." My voice quivered.
"It's going to be alright Asuna. Mom is a strong lady. She'll make it in no time, you'll see." Mizore reassured me as she patted my head.
I slowly nodded.
(I hope...)
"...I'll check inside."
Yuichi walked towards the door and twisted the doorknob. Within seconds, he disappeared inside. I could hear some muffled voices from the other side, but it was difficult to make out exactly what they were talking about.
I felt guilty for not protecting mom like I was supposed to. She ended up in the hospital and it is partly my fault.
No.
It's... All my fault... If only I possessed supernatural powers like the rest...
I clenched my fists as they shook in anger.
"It's not your fault." A soft voice spoke up.
I jerked my head up to see Mizore staring back at me with kind eyes.
"Yeah, don't be so hard on yourself. You can't predict what could have happened, right? That just shows you did whatever you could." Raizo continued.
Though they were saying these stuff, I still couldn't forgive myself. Not now when mom is in the hospital, but, perhaps, when she at least wakes up and I know she's alright.
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I was getting impatient as minutes ticked by with Yuichi still inside. The atmosphere was indeed unsettling and tense. Just when I was about to lose it, the door slowly opened. Out came Yuichi wearing a faint smile on his lips.
We all rushed to his side.
I was the first to speak up, "Yuichi! How's mom? Is she alright? Is she still breathing? Please, tell us!"
I was so worried that I started pulling on his turned sleeves.
"...Calm down Asuna. Don't forget, we all were in this as well." I could tell by his tone that he wasn't joking.
Yuichi then continued, "...Mom's OK. In fact, she's awake right now."
"Really?! Can we go meet her?" I asked.
For a moment, Yuichi looked doubtful, but then, his lips parted as he spoke,"...I don't think you would want that... ...It isn't a good idea for now."
We all looked at him, clueless.
"Yuichi, what are you saying?" Mizore asked, puzzled.
There was a long silence. Not one of us uttered a word to break the edgy atmosphere.
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"...Mom actually... she..." Yuichi murmured, but couldn't continue further.
I couldn't stand it anymore.
(I have to meet her now!)
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I quickly turned towards the room and marched straight for the door.
"...Asuna, wait!" Yuichi warned, but I kept going towards it without even stopping.
Even if Yuichi grabbed my arm with Raizo and Mizore still piecing it together, I pushed forward. I finally managed to open the door and see mom's face.
"Mom!" I called out as I rushed to her side and sat on the bed.
"Thank goodness you are okay. I am so sorry I couldn't do anything, even if I promised! Please, forgive me!"
I bowed my head deep in apology wishing to hear her say 'no problem' or any motherly lines like that, though I wouldn't be surprised if she didn't forgive me.
"Um..."
I quickly jerked up as soon as mom spoke.
"Can I ask one thing..... Who ARE you?" My eyes widened at her unbelievable question.
"Mom.....? it's me Asuna! Your daughter!" I desperately tried to tell her, but mom only wore a confused look as if she... never even knew me.
Yuichi touched my shoulder as soon as I started tearing up and whispered, "...It was hard to tell you, but... mom lost her memories."
I pursed my lips as my heart constricted badly.
The doctor who came in with some documents, explained, "Your mother has a severe case of dissociative amnesia due to the accumulated stress that her brain just couldn't endure. It seems the trauma of losing her husband pulled her away from reality. That's why we are going to look after her for a few weeks and run some tests and medication. Please, try to understand..."
I couldn't comprehend the situation at all. When I looked up at Raizo and the others, they were also equally dumbfounded as me except of Yuichi. I was guessing he's already over it.
"Mom... why did I-?" I muttered unexpectedly.
"Sorry dear... but, I don't remember you." She answered bluntly.
With tears rolling down my eyes, I quickly hugged her and ran out the room, even the hospital actually.
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(Why is all this happening so suddenly?! First dad and now mom... Why?! I... don't want this! I don't want THIS...!)
I kept on thinking this as my feet dragged me further and further from reality. I wished all of this was a dream. I wished none of this ever happened. I wished I would wake up any second and soon, to be greeted by my loving parents.
This is probably the dangers dad and mom kept hidden from me. It feels like all of this was a plan. I wished I... never even found out the truth to begin with. I shouldn't have meddled with all this supernatural stuff. I should have just turned a blind eye on everything and lived a normal life, with mom... and dad... in peace...
Would I still have a happy future...? One without Raizo and the others...? Even though it wouldn't feel the same, would it still be a happy one...?
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Because... Now, all I'm feeling are regrets. I deeply regret knowing everything. I REGRET IT SO BAD...!
Please... just... help me... stop this tragedy. My heart and mind... can't handle this much pain and depression all at once...
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Please...
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~To be continued...