I woke to snores the next morning, and I turned to see the General laying on the other side of the bed. Memories of last night flooded back into my head, filling me with regret and reopening the cuts inside me. I got out of bed as quietly as possible, tiptoeing to the bathroom. I shut the door and locked it behind me. When I looked in the mirror, I didn't recognize the girl staring back at me. Her skin was painted with reminders of her worth, and dark circles lay below bloodshot eyes. Her shoulders carried weight, and no matter how hard she tried, nothing could scrub away the shame.
The hot water poured over me, covering me like a warm blanket. I hugged my chest against my knees and tried to forget it all. Hoping that the water would wash me away like it did the rest of the dirt and grime.
The stream of water quieted to the gentle plop of the leaky faucet, and I wiped the fog from the mirror, revealing a pair of green eyes flooded with a pool of tears. "No more." I told myself, "You're stronger than this, Norah Sinclair." Today I decided that no matter what happened, I'd be better.
When I left the bathroom, now tearless and changed, the scent of eggs and coffee filled my head. The General was sitting at the kitchen table, sipping from Derek's mug. I clenched my fists, using all my willpower to stay calm. Not today, because I needed him. "I'm going to be staying here for a little while." He said, "A pretty girl like yourself shouldn't be alone. You'll be safe. You can trust me." I stared blankly at him. I was never going to be safe, not when what I was trying to hide from was always with me.
Days became weeks, and weeks turned into months, and still, nothing changed. We had no news from the outside world, and I lost hope that any other camps had made it. There were supposed to be hundreds scattered across the East Coast, but I was thinking that maybe the General was only telling us what we'd wanted to hear.
Working in the storeroom was filling up any spare time I had. Anything to make me forget my thoughts was welcome. It also allowed me to make sure Viv and her family never went without food. Her mom was pregnant, and Viv was left to take care of her younger brother and sister. They'd never accept food from me, so I took some out of my rations and slipped it into theirs.
The compound wasn't going to last, and I knew it. The supply groups were bringing back less and less every time because any of the areas still safe to search had already been ransacked.
I stood behind the counter, writing the inventory in a small notebook. The bell on the door rang, and I looked up to see Moses Winters. I had been avoiding him since the night we talked, and he looked different. He seemed older, rugged, and the look on his face told me he had a lot to think through all the time. "Hi, Norah." He walked towards me. "Moses." I nodded my head and closed the book. "Where have you been?" He asked, "I haven't seen you in months."
"I've been busy."
"Really? How busy can you be around here?" He laughed, and the lines around his eyes crinkled. "I haven't seen you around here either," I said, my tone accusing. "I've been busy." His smile slowly fell. "Really? How busy can you be around here?" I grinned slightly, and he followed my lead. His smile still made my stomach jump. "You know, if you let some people around here help you, then you wouldn't be so busy all the time." His eyes twinkled, and I'd forgotten how blue they were. "Don't you have anywhere to be?" Setting the book into a cabinet. He disappeared behind a shelf, "No, just grabbing some things. You know, we never got to finish our conversation. You left so fast." I opened my mouth to reply, but I was interrupted by the sound of shouts from outside. I heard the General's voice and knew he was most likely drunk and throwing a fit. "You need to go," I told Moses, this wasn't going to end well, and I knew it would be better if it was just me in the line of fire.
The door swung open, and the General stumbled inside, "Norah!" He roared. "Yes?" It would be better if I tried to stay calm, and I had enough bruises to prove it. "Where the hell have you been?!" He shouted while knocking things off the shelves. "Where I am every day." I made sure the cabinet doors were shut tight because I didn't want to rewrite any of that. "You bitch, don't talk to me like that." His breath reeked of alcohol, and he swung his arms straight into another shelf. He grabbed my throat with his other hand, but someone cleared their throat, interrupting what he was going to do next. The General turned and saw Moses standing across the room. He let me go and turned to walk out the doors. When he was gone, I crouched down and began picking things up off of the floor. "Why are you letting him treat you like that?" Moses asked, leaning down to help me. "What else am I supposed to do?" My voice cracked, "I can't beat him, I don't have any family left, and I don't have a lot of options these days." Moses grabbed my hand and gently squeezed it, "Norah, you're so much better than this. He's a bastard, and everyone can see that." I pulled away quickly and stood up, "Don't judge me, Moses Winters. You don't know anything about me or what I've gone through." I was furious. He had no right to tell me what I deserved because this was my life and not his. "I need to go." I rushed out the door, letting it slam shut behind me. "Wait, Norah!" He shouted after me. I didn't stop or turn around because I wasn't sure I'd be able to keep going if I did.
When I got home, the air was thick with smoke, "Norah! Get in here." The General's words were barely able to leave his lips. I slowly walked into the room, and I knew that it wasn't worth fighting.