As I was walking to school, I had my headphones in. I was listening to the one and only playlist I had. It only had 8 songs on it, and I knew them all word for word. But I wasn't really listening. I was thinking about all they ways today could go wrong.
Because sheila let me stay home for 2 days after coming home wasted the other night, and after seeing have had for a few years. They aren't ruined they just look well worn. But because of the holes in all the right places both in my pants and shirt, they make me look tough too.
It was colder than I had originally thought and with each step I regret more and more wearing a leather jacket. Honestly, I didn't want to go to school today either. I wish it were Friday. I don't think I can handle 3 more days of school this week.
When I can see the building I start to slow down. Walking becomes more difficult. I stop completely, amd mumble under my breath, "Don't be a coward." And my whole being immediately gets stronger.
I feel a pat on my back and turn around to see who is behind me, and see Derek Craftsman. My first ever friend here at Lancaster Academy. I feel like that first day here was a lifetime ago.
"Hey." I said in a casual tone.
"We are friends right?" He asked not giving me time to even move my head up and down before he continues. "So, no matter what happens in there, I got your back okay?"
I looked over at him and put on my mask of I don't give a shit and told him, "I don't give a fuck what any of these rich brats has to say."
I shrugged his his hand off my shoulder and walked right up to the steps of the school. I acted like I couldn't tell, but it was quite obvious that everyone knows about the article in the paper. On the brighter side of things, it seems as though people are too scared to address the rumors that were very true.
When I got to the top of the stairs the teacher that was holding open the door was sweating even in this cold. They wouldn't meet my eyes. Oh great, I thought, even a teacher is scared of me. While walking down the halls, I noticed that the whole row of lockers next to mine on each side were abandoned. No one was around. The hall is usually so packed.
After putting my things away and grabbing my books I made my way to class. Then I remembered. I didn't sit alone. I sat next to liam in my first class. I could skip it, but I already missed so much of this class. With my head up and mask on I walked over and sat in my seat. I noticed that only a handful of students were here and was glad I didn't have a full class to watch me make my way to the empty row in the back.
Ms. Nelson didn't even say some snarky comment about my clothes or my finally deciding to join her class like she normally did. I got to admit, I don't entirely hate having everyone be scared of me. But of course the feeling was never going to last. Because Lancasters originally scary man walked through the door and by now, the classroom had filled and even the smallest of whispers stopped.
Looking up I saw him staring at me with a scowl that would have made me wince if I wasn't hyper aware of who I was trying to be today. I looked down and kept drawing on the desk while watching Liam out of the corner of my eye. I haven't spoken to him in so long that I was surprised when he didn't sit next to me in the spot he had been sitting in ever since I first saw him. Instead, he sat at the opposite end of the row, as far from me a possible.
For some reason this hurt more then the whispers. I knew I did this to myself. Especially after the other night at the club when I had kissed Miles only because I had seen Liam looking at me and after our argument I wanted him to think I didn't care about him. What a mistake that turned out to be.
I thought back to all the times we encountered each other, and didn't bother paying attention when I heard the teacher start her lesson for the day. I had been an ass to Liam. He was bigger, and scarier looking than me but when it came down to it I was the bigger dick of the two. I yell at him and blame him for my feelings(indirectly of course) and hurt him even more by kissing my friend. I don't like Miles like that and now I am pulling him around like he belongs to me when, I did it all for Liam.
The realization caught me off guard and I couldn't help but look up at him. When I did I could see the coroner of his eye had been looking over at me. I bet even now he cares about what I am going through. I take out my phone as secretly as possible and send him a quick and short message.
Me: I'm sorry
I watched as he pulled out his phone and swiped the message away and put it back in his pocket. So he wants to play games I thought to myself.
Me: Hey
Me: Hey
Me: Hey
Me: Hey
I saw him take out his phone, not expecting it to vibrate so much. He probably thought he was getting a phone call. He looked over at me and realized he didn't mean to and put his phone away and moved his head in my opposite direction. I couldn't help but laugh a little. Apparently it was loud enough for everyone in the class to notice.
That was how I ended up sitting outside the classroom for "Disrupting the learning environment". If you ask me, she was just waiting for me to do something so I would end up anywhere but in the classroom. It did give me time to decide what to do about Liam. Then I thought I should do what I did last time. When I see him go into any place where he will be alone, I will ambush him.
I lurked around many corners, and pretended to not care about anything and slightly lean against the wall when people looked at me. Which they did. People who saw me this morning still looked at me when they walked by. It was making my stalking very shameful.
He never went anywhere alone. But after school he had practice and I thought we weren't gonna have any time. I was gonna follow him to his car when he left but saw a more private alternative. I noticed that everyone was leaving the locker rooms except Liam, I counted 12 guys and if I wasn't mistaken, that left only 1 more player.
I suddenly wanted to turn around and walk away. Stop of a little bitch Jake, I told myself(what? It's good motivation). I walked right over to the door and opened it before I wussed out. Going right in.
At first I stood against the door and listened. I heard the sound of a noise I didn't notice stop, I'm guessing the shower stopped(they were on the very end of the locker room). He was naked was my first thought. And my second was, I should attack now!
Just a kiss, I reminded myself. Plus a very sincere apology and walk away. I ran through the plan multiple times in 10 seconds and forced my legs forward. I kept walking, and when I saw him rubbing a smaller towel on his head I made my legs move faster.
"Hey!" I said.
When Liam turned around I grabbed the back of his neck with both my hands and slammed my mouth against his. At first he stood there, shocked. But then I felt his hands press onto my sides and I was pulled right up against him. He kissed me with lots of force. I could tell he was angry, this kiss wasn't anything but all his pent up anger now.
I thought of the things I did to make him feel this way and let him take control. When we could no longer breathe I pulled back and took in a fresh breath of air. I let go of him and he let go of me. I took a step back and looked him in the eyes, the mask I wore all day slowly fading from my face so he could see how vulnerable I was.
I barely whispered the word I wanted to say so badly, thinking he didn't even hear me, "Sorry."
He scowled at me(he was very good at that) and said, "I need to get dressed."
He brushed passed me and I let him go. Knowing he had every right to still be mad. I turned to watch him turn to his locker. And when I couldn't see him anymore, I left.