"I'm saying it now, straight out, because there's too much at stake, and I don't want there to be any misunderstanding."
I could only stare at her for a long minute, my face slack with surprise. I tried to get my brain to work, to think of some reply, but nothing would come.
Jules gazed back at me for a moment, then suddenly grinned, the seriousness gone as quickly as it had come.
"And, that's all I wanted to say."
I still didn't know what to say. My throat had constricted, and I couldn't seem to swallow.
At last, my gaze dropped from hers. "Jules—" I began. "The thing is—I mean I don't—I think I'd better go."
I backed up a step.
Jules reached out and snagged my wrist. "Hold on. I already know. I know how you feel, but that's okay."
I sighed. "How is this okay?"
"I'm just telling you like it is," she said. "And I know you don't feel the same way, but I know you do want me around. You miss hanging out when we're apart, same way I do. Okay, that doesn't mean you're in love, but I think it's still love. Like a family kind of love."
I shook my head. "Exactly. It's not the same for me as it is for you. Maybe...Maybe it would be better if I didn't keep coming back here. Better for you."
Jules laughed, then rolled her eyes. "As much as I love your charity, and you trying to act all mature and you deciding what you think is best for me—no thanks. As long as you want me around, I'll be around. Don't try to act like a martyr, it doesn't suit you."
I hesitated.
Jules studied me pensively for a moment, then took a step closer. She peered up into my conflicted face, before she raised a hand toward my forehead, as though to brush back the hair that had fallen there. However, at the last moment, her hand dropped, and instead she slid a finger in a slow, deliberate caress across my jaw.
I jerked away from her, scowling. "Do you have to act like that all of a sudden?"
Jules grinned. "Sorry. I just couldn't help myself."
"Well, don't do it again."
"Sure, sure," she said, but from the way her grin widened and the mischievous gleam in her eye, I didn't trust her.
"Why are you acting like this?"
Jules's smile faded, once again turning to a more serious expression. Her dark eyes were sad, almost anguished.
"Soon your heart's going to stop beating," she said quietly. "Can you blame me for trying? For fighting as hard as I can until the end?"
I stared back at her, for a moment unable to respond. I could suddenly feel it in my chest—my still-beating heart, thudding painfully against my ribs, again and again.
"I can only feel that way about one person," I said, in a low, hoarse voice.
Jules nodded. "But I have to try," she said in a quieter voice still. "You want to see me...and if you're going to keep coming back, you have to let me try."
I looked away, as a thousand tiny knives of guilt needled my conscience. She was right, in a way—what I was doing wasn't fair. I kept telling her there was no hope, yet I kept coming back here anyway, sending mixed messages, and on top of that, it always had to be on my terms. Of course what she was asking for couldn't happen—letting her try wouldn't be fair to someone else, not to mention it would only make things that much worse for Jules in the longrun. But if I cared about her at all, I would leave right now. Leave, and finally give her the chance to make a clean break with the past.
Jules was watching my face carefully as these thoughts spun through my mind. Abruptly, her mouth split into a grin. "Good, aren't I?" she said.
"Good?" I repeated uncertainly.
The gleam of her white teeth flashed against her russet skin. "Emotional manipulation," she said casually. "Works every time. You're too easy."
I scowled at her, though the needling guilt remained. "That's not something you should be proud of. And announcing it afterward kind of defeats the purpose."
Jules laughed. "Guess you've got a point. I'll have to work on that."
My disapproving glare probably would have made Charlie proud, and finally Jules sighed, relenting.
"Come on," she said in a conciliatory tone. "Don't get bent out of shape. You already knew how I felt anyway, so it's not like me coming out and saying it really changes anything." She added, "But I am going to try. I'm going to try every trick in the book. I couldn't forgive myself if I didn't at least do that."
I looked away, not quite sure how I wanted to respond. Whether to just forgive her, as I knew I inevitably would, or stay irritated. I felt more like staying irritated at the moment—that was easier than the guilt.
I blinked, and was surprised when I suddenly felt her arm around my shoulder.
"Maybe there's just something irresistible about a lost cause," she sighed.
I tensed slightly—I didn't like this kind of casual contact when she was acting like this. It didn't feel right, especially when Edythe was so far away.
My mouth set, I turned my head to tell her once again to knock it off, at the same time she turned her head toward me.
Finding our faces inches apart, for a moment I was too startled to react. In that second, I saw how her expression changed. Startled, for a fraction of a second—then her dark eyes seemed to burn, somehow soft and hard at the same time. A blazing passion that turned in an instant to resolve.
She breathed my name, and before I could even think to try to stop her or pull away, her lips were suddenly pressed to mine.
Instantly, I seized her by the shoulders. I tried to push her back, lightly at first, then hard. However, one of her arms was locked around my neck, her other hand holding my face, and I couldn't pull free. I couldn't believe how strong she was. Her mouth was warm and soft—unfamiliar—against mine, and no matter how much strength I put in it, she didn't even seem to notice.
Finally, I took the last option that seemed available to me—I shut down. I let my arms drop to my sides and I opened my eyes, and stood where I was, unmoving.
Jules did respond then. She finally pulled away from me, though the arm around my neck stayed in place. She was breathing a little hard as she looked up into my chilly, expressionless face. She grinned suddenly, looking pleased with herself, before she finally let her arm drop.
The instant her arm was gone, I took a sharp step backward. I was trembling all over, and I couldn't remember the last time I'd been so angry. If I was a wolf, I probably would have phased right there.
"If you're done," I said coldly, "I'm going home now."
I spun, turning my back on her, and started stalking in the direction of the road.
Jules followed me. She was almost skipping.
"Sure, whatever you want. But you might want me to drive you. Your girlfriend won't be happy if she thinks I let you go to the border unprotected. Want me to call her to let her know to pick you up?"
She was still following me. My fists were shaking at my sides.
"Don't talk to me," I said through gritted teeth. "I'm so pissed I could hit you right now."
"Go ahead," Jules said cheerfully. "If it'll make you feel better." She paused, then added, "You'd probably break your hand, though. Werewolves aren't as hard as vampires, but we're not soft, either."
I gnashed my teeth.
"Come on," Jules said. "I'll drive you home. I won't even talk to you the whole way."
I stared out into the woods. I could walk to the border from here. It was only a few miles, and once I was away from her, Archie would see where I was. I didn't mind walking—at the moment, I probably wouldn't have minded walking over broken glass to get away from her.
However, against my will, a bit of rational thought slithered back into my mind. As much as I hated to admit it, Jules was right—I really shouldn't be wandering off on my own right now, with Victor and possible other parties unknown out for my blood. She had me trapped.
"Fine," I snapped. I stalked back to her car, and got in without looking at her.
When Jules got in on the driver's side, she was whistling.
I folded my arms across my chest, glaring out the windshield.
Jules put the car into gear. We drove a minute in silence before she said, "So."
"You promised not to talk," I snapped.
Jules ignored me, still grinning like she'd won the lottery. "You might act like you hate me now, but I did it for your own good."
I turned to gape at her in disbelief. "My own—" I sputtered.
Jules went on cheerfully, "You'll think about it later. When you go to bed tonight, when she thinks you're asleep, you'll be thinking about your options."
"Wow, how calculating," I said, injecting all the disgust I could manage.
Jules grinned and shrugged. "You know what they say, all's fair in love and war. And I think that's doubly true when the enemy's a slimy vampire."
I turned my head to glare out the side window; however, I could still see Jules's faint reflection in the glass, and her face turned earnest again.
"Just think of how it could be," she said softly. "You wouldn't have to change anything for me, Beau. You wouldn't have to give up anything. You wouldn't have to say goodbye to Charlie, your mom. You wouldn't have to live every day wanting to do horrible things. And there's so much I'd have to give you that she couldn't—instead of being frozen forever, life would keep moving. I could even give you a family."
She suddenly laughed, a little nervously. "You know, I was kind of worried about that at first. I guess just about every girl freaks out their first month in the pack. Because, you know, we don't...well, we've all wondered at some point if we could have kids or not. We thought maybe anyone who was a wolf just couldn't, maybe you had to wait until you got mellow enough to stop phasing, and your body started aging again. But, the elders say that, according to all the legends—like, if you look at the story of Taha Aki—the wolves can have kids just fine. They can even phase while they're pregnant and it doesn't bother the baby—but it's tribal law they aren't supposed to fight when they're carrying a kid. The fact they don't...bleed...has something to do with the rapid wolf healing thing." She gave another kind of nervous, embarrassed laugh.
If I wasn't so pissed and this was conversation was under normal circumstances, I probably would have rolled my eyes and told her she could say the word period around me—I'd lived with my mom for enough years and done enough of the shopping at the store that I liked to think I was mature enough to handle it. I probably also would have been interested in learning something new about how the whole wolf thing worked.
As it was, I wasn't going to do anything to try to make her feel less awkward. I didn't look at her, just kept glaring out the window.
"I honestly don't care who can have children and who can't," I said through my teeth. "That's not even a factor. McKayla can probably have kids, too, but that doesn't mean I'm going to be going out with her the next time she asks me. I've already made my choice."
"I know," Jules said. "I know you've chosen her. Because you think you can't be happy without her—but the thing is, you don't actually know that. Because you never tried to be happy without her before. All your energy back then went into holding on. You could let go. I could make you happy."
I continued to glare out the side window. "I already made my decision," I repeated coldly.
"Maybe," Jules argued. "But what would you do if she left like she did last time? How can you trust her after what she did?"
I turned to glower at her. "The same way I trust you—Or did trust you. You turned your back on me once too, remember?"
It was a cruel thing to say. But Jules's bringing up that empty, hollow time last winter brought back memories of the pain, and I found myself automatically lashing back.
"I didn't," Jules said, a deep slash forming in her brow. "Never. They ordered me not to tell you, or I would have. I kept away from you at first because it wasn't safe for you—but I did everything I could. Those weeks we were apart, I would run around your house at night, just to make sure you were okay. I never would have left at all if I had a choice—and I found a way to bring us together again eventually."
My arms were still folded, and I was determined not to let her make me feel bad.
We drove in silence for another minute before Jules said, "You'll be thinking about it. Tonight."
"Yeah," I muttered. "I'll be thinking about whether I need to get a restraining order."
"Come on. That had to be better than kissing an ice sculpture."
I snorted, though more out of irritation than amusement. "You wish."
"You kissed me back there at first," she said. "I think you're less decided than you'd like to admit."
If Jules was trying to get me to stop glaring out the window and look at her, this outrageous assertion had the desired effect.
"You honestly think—I was trying to get you to back off. I guess I was being too subtle for you. Maybe I should use a crowbar next time."
Jules's face lit up. "Sure. Next time. I'm cool with that. Crowbars, bats, anvils—whenever you want."
I growled and ground my teeth, then spun away from her again, resting my head in my hand and directing a death glare at the forest whipping by outside. Letting her get a rise out of me was just encouraging her. Better to ignore her.
I did feel bad for how I had been treating her these past months—friend zoning her in the extreme with everything I said, but then continuing to go see her, continually renewing false hope. I knew I was in the wrong on that. But even so, I couldn't believe she would act like this. Like she could just do whatever she wanted, and I didn't even have a say in the matter. She could act like it was this big joke, but how was I supposed to trust her when she went around doing things like that?
I scowled out the window, and wondered vaguely if her acting like a jerk, who went around forcing her feelings on people against their will, would give her more man points, or less. In my book, definitely less.
Jules tried to start the conversation again a few times, but she was met with only stoney silence, and finally she gave up, though her high spirits seemed unaffected.
I was so focused on my furious internal monologue and keeping my gaze in the opposite direction from where she sat, that when the car came to a stop it took me a moment to realize we were at my house. Not too soon for me.
Not bothering to thank her for the ride, I tore off my seat belt and got out of the car as fast as I could, slamming the door with unnecessary force behind me. However, as I stalked toward the house, to my intense dismay, Jules switched off the engine and got out, following me to the door.
"Please, go away already," I said through my teeth. "I'm so sick of you right now."
"You seem a little emotionally unstable at the moment," she said with a serious face. "In my professional opinion, I don't think you should be left alone right now."
I pointed to the police cruiser in the driveway. "I think my dad is enough to keep me taken care of, thanks."
Still looking way too cheery and completely unrepentant, Jules ignored me and, as I opened the door, followed me on in.
Charlie was sitting on the sofa in the living room when he saw us.
"Hey, kids," he called. "Nice to see you here again, Julie. Feels like it's been awhile."
"It does, doesn't it?" she answered, looking fondly around the hall and living room.
I stalked straight to the kitchen without a word.
"What's got him?" Charlie asked, looking puzzled.
Jules shrugged with supreme nonchalance. "He's a bit cheesed because I got in his personal space."
"Personal space?" Charlie said curiously.
"Well, I kissed him," Jules explained, without the least hint of shame.
Charlie laughed. "Did you? Caught him off guard?"
"Completely," Jules said smugly.
I growled audibly as I headed straight toward the phone. Clearly, there was only one way I was going to get her out of this house. When you were trying to get rid of pushy werewolves, sometimes it paid to know a few vampires.
I quickly punched in Edythe's cell, and she answered on the first ring.
"Beau?" Edythe couldn't quite hide the relief in her voice, and she sounded happy. I could hear the Volvo's engine purring in the background, as though she had been sitting in the car the whole time. "You left the phone...did you get a ride back to your house?"
"Yeah," I grumbled. "Edythe, do you think you could do me a favor?"
Edythe picked up on my tone, and when she spoke again, her voice was wary. "What is it? Is something wrong?"
"We have a wildlife problem," I said cryptically.
"A wildlife problem," Edythe repeated slowly.
I gave up on cryptic. "Actually, since I've had it drilled into me my entire life never to hit a girl, I was wondering if you could come over and do it for me."
Brief silence on the other end. "Is everything okay there?" she asked at last. "What's going on? You don't...sound like yourself."
"Maybe because I don't get this ticked off everyday. Are you coming?"
"I'm on my way," Edythe promised.
"Did you tell her?"
I jumped and realized Jules had snuck up behind me again.
I gave her my best death glare.
"Is she mad?" Jules stage-whispered, sounding delighted. She was leaning close enough I had no doubt Edythe could hear.
"Tell me what?" Edythe asked. She sounded almost supernaturally calm.
"You'll probably find out when you get here," I said, glaring. "She won't leave."
I could hear the car burning rubber down the road in the background. "I'm around the corner," she said, then the line disconnected.
"I don't want any fighting now," Charlie called from the other room. He still sounded amused.
Jules was standing at the edge of the kitchen now in the doorway, and she called back, grinning, "I'll wait for her to throw the first punch."
I heard the wheels of the car screech to a stop outside.
"Maybe you had better go," Charlie said, sounding a little more serious. "I really don't want there to be an incident."
"I'm going," Jules said cheerfully. She turned straight for the front door.
Edythe was standing outside in the drive, waiting for us. Considering the kinds of thoughts likely to be going through Jules's mind, I had no doubt Edythe already knew all about Jules's moment of opportunism. Edythe had her arms folded, but her expression was oddly calm.
"Hey," Jules called casually. "How's the weather been down at the crypt?"
Edythe didn't even look at her, as though she didn't exist. I crossed the drive to her, and she gently took my hand. "Why don't we go to my house for a little while?" Edythe suggested softly.
"Yeah," I said, raising my voice a little. "Let's." I threw over my shoulder, "Hey, why don't you make yourself useful and tell my dad we're going?"
"Sure, sure," Jules said, still grinning complacently.
Edythe slipped an arm around my back and started to turn me toward the car. However, she paused. "Julie?" she called quietly. When she spoke, her voice was so soft, even gentle, I almost didn't catch it.
"Yeah?" Jules said lazily.
Edythe continued softly, politely, "I'm not going to kill you now, because it would upset Beau."
I made a scoffing sound under my breath.
Edythe went on, "But if you ever do something like this against Beau's will again, I will hurt you. Even with your rapid healing, you would be surprised how painful even non-lethal injuries can be."
Jules's grin widened. "And what if it's not against his will?" she drawled. "What if he asks me to?"
I snorted and opened my mouth to give a withering reply, but Edythe spoke first.
"Then I have no objection," she said, still soft. "But next time you may want to consider waiting for him to say it, rather than leaving it up to your dubious interpretation of body language."
Jules laughed, casually leaning against the door frame, arms folded.
"One more thing," Edythe said, her face still perfectly composed, eyes staring straight ahead. "You should know I'm not taking anything for granted. I'll be fighting, too."
"Good," Jules said. "I like a good fight."
For the first time, Edythe turned her head to look Jules directly in the eye. Her expression was devoid of emotion. But then, the corner of her lip turned up in the faintest hint of a cold smile. "I didn't say I would fight fair."
Edythe took my hand and led me toward the car.
Jules muttered some reply in an undertone, then called after me in a cheerful voice, "See you, Beau! Thanks for coming over, I had a blast. I'll get some crowbars set out for next time."
"You wish," I muttered furiously under my breath as I slammed the car door behind me.
Edythe pulled away from my house and we drove in silence for a minute. At last, Edythe reached over and put a cool hand over mine, entwining our fingers. "How are you feeling?" she asked.
"Pissed off," I muttered, glaring out the windshield.
I half expected Edythe to gently point out that I had at least partially brought this on myself, but she only continued to gaze at me, her eyes filled with nothing but concern.
I sighed. "I'm not going back," I said at last, scowling. "Never again. She's crossed a line this time."
"If that's what you want," Edythe said gently. "But we'll talk about it again. Later, when you've had a chance to calm down a little."
Edythe paused, and she gazed at me for a moment, as though considering something. At last, she added hesitantly, "I'm sure...you've already come to this conclusion, but—she really was under the impression you were kissing her back. Otherwise, she wouldn't have kept going as she did. It wasn't her intent to take advantage of you."
I turned to look back at Edythe, wondering why she was telling me this. I looked away again, back toward the road. "Yeah," I muttered, "I kind of figured that out." I glared out the window. "I'm still pissed."
Edythe turned to look out the windshield as well, though I could still feel her watching me out of the corner of her eye. At last she said quietly, "I don't think she would try that again. Not without your direct say-so."
I had to look at Edythe again, and this time I couldn't keep the disbelief from my face. "Are you trying to convince me to go back there?" I asked incredulously. "I thought you said you were going to fight. Now you sound like you're trying to help her out."
My voice came out sharper and more accusatory than I meant. I didn't normally talk to Edythe this way, but my blood was still boiling over the episode with Jules, and I couldn't seem to keep my temper in check. And there was something about Edythe of all people seeming to try to take Jules's side that made me feel frustrated and guilty and disconcerted all at once.
"I mean," I muttered, looking away again. "A minute ago you were talking like you wanted to kill her."
"I do want to kill her," Edythe agreed patiently. "Or at least severely disfigure her, and perhaps leave her with one less limb or two." She added, "But she is your friend, Beau, and I would take no pleasure in seeing that friendship come to an end if it would cause you pain. Particularly if it came about due to some rather mundane misunderstanding on her part."
"I thought you said you were going to fight," I muttered again, not looking at her.
Edythe gazed at me, and smiled a little. "This is my way of fighting," she said gently. "All I want is for you to be happy, and if I can achieve that, then I will be happy as well."
I turned back to her. Her hand was still linked with mine, and I let out a sigh, rubbing her hard skin with my thumb. It was hard to stay in a bad mood when I was with Edythe.
"You don't actually have to fight for anything, you know," I said. "I've already chosen you. And that's not going to change."
Edythe's smile didn't change, but I thought I saw a flicker in her eyes. Some emotion I couldn't quite identify.
Edythe didn't reply, only squeezed my hand slightly, and turned to look back at the road.
I watched Edythe for a minute, concentrating on the shape of each of her perfect features, her small porcelain nose and lips, her golden eyes framed by dark lashes. I was around her so much, it was easy to forget what an amazing person she was—how kind, how understanding. I regretted reminding her of what she had said before about fighting. She shouldn't feel like she had to fight for anything. She shouldn't ever feel threatened by anyone, Jules included.
In a way, that was the most frustrating part about all this—that Edythe should be made to feel angry, or jealous, or insecure, when she was the only one for me. But then, most likely putting Edythe out had been a major part of Jules's aim. Jules was better at emotional manipulation than I'd given her credit for.
I settled back in my seat, glaring out the windshield again. "Options," I muttered darkly to myself. "I'll give her options."