⚠️⚠️SUICIDE ATTEMPT WARNING IF THIS TRIGGERS YOU PLEASE WAIT TILL THE NEXT UPDATE⚠️⚠️
I've found myself in a quiet state the past few days. Unable to find the energy to get out of bed, take a shower, or go out and enjoy myself. It's just...too much at the moment, I fear to be alone with my own thoughts, afraid what I might do....I crave that sweet sweet high only one thing can provide...acid. Sage gently scooped me in his arms and carried me downstairs "you need to get out of bed baby even if it's hard" he whispered and kissed my temple as he laid on the couch with me. "Hi baby" Michael was fresh out of the shower, they kissed me and sat on the floor beside us. I gave them a small glance and managed a weak smile, I simply closed my eyes and sighed.
Sage gave me a sad smile "I gotta run to work so does Michael, will you be ok on your own?" I gave a nod and sat up so he could move, "i'll leave the car here just in case you need to get one of us in a rush ok? Love you" they both gave me a kiss and left. I brought my knees to my chest and sighed softly, maybe a drive would be nice. I got up and slid my usual outfit on and went to the car. I slid into the drivers seat and nervously held the wheel, what would I end up doing if I drove, can I even trust myself...?
I shook my head and started the car. "So far so good" I mumbled as I drove around the block, I slowly pulled onto the main road and drove. It was abit overwhelming as I looked around the streets and buildings. Daniel and I used to do this....Daniel used to hold me during my episodes....Daniel would be the one driving...Daniel. Without considering what I was doing, I began slowly increasing my speed. This was what was right, they didn't need me, Daniel misses me....I can't wait to be in his arms again. As I hit almost 90mph, I tear up and grip the wheel, I wanna stop but my body won't let me. Make the pain go away....suddenly I lost control of the car and started to swirve. My whole body tensed and before I could stop it, I collided head on with a semi...
My car bounced and rolled off the road. Glass, metal and heat penitrating my body from all angles as I stare into nothing. A line of cars had stopped, faces filled with shock and horror. A driver ran to my door and pried it open "hey, hey are you ok?! Look at me and don't stop, don't close your eyes. You are Ok" he cooed and started to cut my seat belt, was it really worth it though....maybe I would be better off staying in the car to die.....But michael and Sage...I can't put them through what I went through...thats my purpose...those two....my last thought before it all went black
I feel a familiar set of hands in mine, warm and rough fingers intertwined with mine...Sage. "Sage" I choke softly as I slowly open my eyes but quickly close them due to the brightness of the Light. "Baby"he gasps out and gently kisses my lips, he chokes out muffled sobs, mixed with the ringing in my ear leaving me with a killer headache. I look at him and guilt and pain over runs my body, he has puffy eyes and pink cheeks. His whole body shook as his brown eyes scanned mine "I just wanted the pain to stop" I choked as tears threatned my eyes. He gently rested our foreheads together and kissed me again "baby why didn't you talk to us..we could've helped." I sighed and looked at the door and saw Michael, small and frail backed in a corner sobbing "Michael baby come here" I choked out, they looked at me and let a small whimper out as they hurried to my side, kissed me and broke down into my chest. "I'm so sorry baby.....i'm sorry" they shook their head and kissed me "don't...don't apologize...."
I gently laid them beside me and held them. Weakly scooting over and patting the bed so Sage can lay with us, he smiled weakly and crawled onto the bed beside us. "So talented...managed to break both my legs" I joked weakly wanting to lighten the mood. They both let a laugh out, mixed with a light sob and hugged me, Sages arm on my waist and Michael's arm across my chest....they both fell asleep. For once, I lie awake but the bad thoughts have been pushed back...i've found my new purpose and it is the two people in my bed