GLOSSARY
· (…on in her head), kaya? – used in this context
· …nga – used to further accentuate a point and is used at the end of a sentence
· hay – used to express dismay
· din – too
· 'musta – abbreviation of kumusta – how are you?
. naman - used in this chapter as "anyway"
. mestisa - filipino term used to liken someone who has white or fair skin
"Sis, I can't believe it either. How'd that even happen? What was going on in her head kaya?" Thalia raved to Gale, her thriving openly gay best friend as they walked with arms linked towards our usual spot at the school steps of the Chapel.
We didn't really eat with the boys; we just hung with them from time to time especially during dismissal time. It was very clique-y and hierarchical of us, I know, but it went deeper than that. We did all love each other in our own ways, it's just-
"That bitch has bad vibes nga," Gale quipped as he dragged Thalia to our spot. Exactly, we all just couldn't vibe for a long period of time.
"You just know she's an Earth sign, hay!" Gale grunted quietly.
Gale was RICH-rich, a son to a political dynasty on one side of the family and old money on the other side which he liked to deny a lot and also made me question why he only studied in St. Nick. He'd tell us it was because he lived closer to here but we all knew that it was because it was the best he could bargain from his family after he begged them not to send him to a prim and proper or international school. He wasn't exactly the most open-hearted child to his parents but he loved them more than anything, I would often read which is why he never came out to them since it'd break their hearts.
He grew up in the walls of this school and here, even though the Catholic scene was ever so present, he wasn't shamed but he wasn't exactly accepted either. Many thought of it as a joke including the boys who'd jokingly flirt with him a crap ton, the girls who were polite but too often asked him for advice about makeup (which he didn't even like) and hit him up if they only needed a gay entourage, and the teachers kidded him with feminine stereotypes. He brushed it off as a joke a lot but the readings of contempt and self-hate just oozed off of him whenever I tried to read him.
Everyone took out their lunches while Gale and Thalia bid us a see you later as they walked to the canteen in perpetual gossip mode while Thalia sneaked in some lip and cheek tint which was prohibited but never really stopped her before.
Dea pulled out the copy of her mass attendance and bunched her lips to the side, "Well, guys, BRB. Need to photocopy for new girl. Anyone wanna come with?"
"Me, sure," Sammy replied, "I kinda want juice din."
"Will you be okay there?" Dea asked me as she pulled out her wallet.
"Yeah! Of course," I nodded and raised my eyebrow, "I'll hold down the fort from the Vinkle warriors."
Sammy giggled at the inside joke where we called the younger batches Vinkle warriors because it's the same app format they use in every single video edit they post on TikTok that it was almost ludicrous. They waved goodbye to me while Dea assured me they'd be back immediately.
I didn't really need them back soon; I would like to get a hold on some more new students for practice. I guess you could say I was Queen Bee but we didn't exactly give out those titles like you see in Young Adult coming-of-age films? People just universally see that as a concept but we don't really exactly adapt the stereotypical behaviors that come with it..
A group of girls from the other class waved in my direction and I jokingly rolled my eyes in their direction before waving back and grinning. I've had these people in my grasp ever since I was eight…or nine, I mean my Barbie inspired looks in second grade were probably more intimidating than likeable but I've built this rep for years.
People passed by and waved at me and I simply waved back as I chomped down on my burger. Familiar voices mused into my ear and familiar emotions and information entered into my brain.
"Hi, Val!" Depressed.
"Uy, Val! 'Musta?" Spiteful as all hell.
"Ate Valerie!!" Happy-go-lucky
"Are you Valerie Rivera?" Blank.
"Huh? Yes? I am," I snapped out of my trance and zoned in on the girl standing in front of me.
"I'm Willow from class? Remember?" She chirped and stared back at me with the most piercing yet empty gaze.
"Oh, I remember, yes, of course!" I pat the spot on the step next to me and she reluctantly took that place, "How come?"
Willow Balagtas was absolutely pretty at first glance but up close, she was a different kind of beautiful. You just knew she was the kind of girl who had gold specks in her plain brown orbs yet always downplayed how she looked with a messy bun because she wasn't like other girls. Every straight cisgender girl's nightmare but she moved with the fluidity of a robot. She had her guard up and she looked expressionless. Up close, she looked arrogant yet unsure, almost silly which did distract from her looks a lot.
"Sir Elio said to go to you since you're the Class Secretary. He said you'd have all the work I'd have to catch up on," Willow mused.
"Oh, but…didn't you have to go to the office?" I egged.
"Yeah but Mrs. Nolasco was on a break so I asked for pardon from Sir Elio who told me to go to you to catch up," She shrugged and began fretting with her bun.
"Oh, okay, that's…nice? I guess?" I winced as she took her place next to me on the steps leading up to the Chapel. Ahh, a seat on the "steps". So Gossip Girl.
"Well, Sir Elio said you'd have the list…" She perked up before pulling a sandwich out of her lunchbox and darting her head around in curiosity (or what I think was mild stalker-y watching). Her eyebrows and face were very stagnant so aside from the fact that my powers didn't work on her, she was basically emotionally unreadable, "Actually, I'm pretty well-versed and caught up naman."
Her rather rough English was understandable nonetheless but you can really tell she was putting the extra effort, "I'm not sure if I can do it immediately but I'll manage-"
I cut her off because I felt out of breath watching her babble, "Okay! Darling, let's take a breath, first. I bet you're pretty tired from insulting Nolasco."
"Insulting?" She furrowed her brows ever so slightly, "Did I really insult her?"
Pick-me girls weren't this ditzy last I checked, right?
"Um, didn't you- like, um…" I perplexedly tried to find the words assuming she would understand but she simply just stared back blankly, "You yelled in her face, girl."
I bunched my lips into a side-smile as I tried to elicit a reaction of at least, amusement from her.
Her eyes slightly dilated before returning to its blank state as she cocked her head, " I didn't realize it sounded like I was mad," Her mouth agape and her eyebrows lifting slightly, " Did I offend her?"
It hit me that the way she raised her eyebrow in contempt when she faced Mrs. Asuncion could actually have been her raising them in confusion.
"I-I-I didn't mean it that way. I just thought she couldn't hear me which was why I yell," She shook her head slowly before relaxing her face and returning to her sandwich.
I narrowed my eyes as I tried to pinpoint this girl, this confusing and ditzy girl who seemed knowledgeable and smart enough yet was just so…
"Clueless," I muttered under my breath.
"Hmmm? Did you say somethings?" She asked roughly.
I raised my eyebrows in shock and shook the thoughts, "Clueless is my favorite movie, I meant. Have you watched it?" I piped in a bubbly disposition hoping this could get her to relate to me as this response did for Sammy when we were kids.
"Oh, no...but do you know any animes, I love those. I actually wanted to try learning Japanese but Mama said I should learn English since it's more useful," She blurted, "You're really mestisa, you know? Why are you so white?"
I stretched my lips into a thin smile and squinted my eyes, "Hmm…You're a chatty one, aren't you?"
"Yeah, I know. Don't you worry nga. I-" I cut her off from collated frustrations that I couldn't understand someone for the first time ever with a cough and a reply I racked my brain's archive of emotional responses for.
"Sorry, but are you high on adrenaline or coffee?" I asked in a passive-aggressive tone. When all else fails, I usually like to respond like most Queen Bee's do in movies. It catches them off guard and reminds them who they're talking to.
She stared blankly back again with her mouth now shut completely. I realize what I had just said would have warranted responses such as being caught off guard from others but I could not even see the tell-tale signs of those on her face which set off a loud tick in my brain that allowed me to feel the one emotion that was prominent enough, I didn't need my powers to feel it: annoyance.
"I'm sorry, did I offend you?" She stared blankly with no tone of concern in her voice which probably should have frustrated me more but when you can't feel emotions, the one good side is you can cancel them out in your brain and ignore them.
"No, I'm just frustrated. Sorry. I got called out by Mrs. Nolasco earlier. It just annoyed me how you got by and I didn't even get through her," I rolled my eyes and dismissed the ticking in my brain.
Then came the weirdest minute of this conversation. She paused for a minute to stare at me uncomfortably with her almost bulging yet mesmerizing eyes and slack face. The girl didn't even have a "resting bitch face" as Thalia labeled it; she just had a single facial expression.
It was a while of me scarfing down my burger while avoiding eye contact and just ignoring this weird habit of hers before I could elicit a response, "Oh, I see. Well, when you calm down, we can talk about it, Valerie. I'm free anytime. Just wait for me in my school bus service after dismissal time," She cocked her head to the side and tried to smile but ended up pursing her lips.
"I'll think about it," I nodded and attempted to smiled back.
The pretty, weird girl stood up, finished the sandwich's last bite, and brushed her hand on her forearm which the lunchbox was hanging from. I felt the weight lifted from my chest, I felt relieved which elicited a bit of a headache but was still worth it
She looked back at me and pursed her lips.
"…and don't worry, I know I can be difficult to read in terms of emotions but if you want to know how I feel, you can just ask me. I'm not unreadable...if you know what I mean," I could almost see the mischievous twinkle in her eyes as she head off.
I gape at her in shock as she walked away as Dea and Gale arrived. She waved hi to them as they passed by her and caught in a state of shock, they hesitantly wave back. She smiled and hopped off with her lunch box and arms hanging behind her back.
They giggled about it and I laughed back as I told them how weird she was that she just came up to me randomly but deep down, I was already making an excuse for my absence with my friend group so I could be somewhere else at dismissal time.