— Darren —
I've never truly seen death before.
It took us a little while to retrieve the whole body. I was glad when Kaden put him face down. I wasn't sure I could handle seeing his face right now. After that, we used the coat as support to carry out the broken body. We had to move excruciatingly slow. It took us a while.
"Hey, I'm coming to get you," said a firefighter who spotted us.
"We're okay," said Kaden. "We have a body."
The man reached us and when he saw what we were carrying, he called for backup, and eventually, took the body from us.
I doubt that Kaden will want to retrieve his jacket.
We walked, well mostly crawled, out in silence.
When we got out, the sun was blinding.
We climbed down the broken structure until we finally reached the ground.
I was exhausted. And not just physically.
I wanted to go and take a three-hour long shower, until I boiled myself up. I wanted to sleep for two days straight.
I was spent.
"Kaden!" I heard a familiar voice screech.
I saw vaguely the outline before I recognized Eva coming our way.
"Darren!" she cried when she finally recognized me under the thick layer of grime that covered me.
She rushed into my arms.
I was glad to see her, but at the same time, I wasn't sure I wanted to handle people right now. I didn't want to answer questions, or explain anything.
I moved a little from her.
I saw her frown at that, but said nothing.
I turned my head away from her.
"Are you okay?" she asked worried.
I nodded. "I'm fine," I grumbled. "I just want to go home."
She nodded.
She took her brother in her arms for a few seconds, then took my hand and dragged me to the car.
I move in a daze, my movements that of an automaton.
She drove me home. I didn't register the landscape, or the songs softly playing on the radio.
It's only when I heard the door open and close that I realized we had stopped. I got out.
I moved in silence up to the apartment. When I got in, I went straight for the bathroom.
I dropped my clothes on the floor and went straight into the shower.
I wasn't sure exactly why I was so detached. Maybe it was shock, or maybe weariness, I don't know. I sighed as I let the water slide over me.
It went down the drain in shades of black and grey. It took me a while to get all the dirt off my scalp. It was everywhere, inside my pores, in the corner of my eyes. I snorted out a massive amount of dust imbued mucus from my nose. I felt disgusting.
— Eveline —
I was worried about Darren.
He looked really out of it. I wanted to check for injuries, but when we reached the apartment he went straight for the bathroom without closing the front door. I closed it.
He went right in there and closed the door behind him.
I began walking in circles in the living room, unsure what to do to help.
I was so hungry. I looked at my phone. It was nearly dinner time. I hadn't eaten anything since breakfast. Come to think of it, neither did Darren, I guessed. So I went to make a couple of sandwiches.
I wanted to wait for him to eat, but it was taking so long, that I ate mine completely.
Then I got concerned.
I could still hear the shower.
I went inside the bathroom.
The clothes were littered on the ground. I picked them up, they were disgusting, so I took everything he had in his pockets, and dropped everything in the bathtub. Then I went to grab a broom and cleaned the mess it had created on the floor.
During this time, Darren was still in the shower. I could see his silhouette with his head bent down and the water hitting his shoulders and upper neck.
"Are you okay?" I asked.
There was some sort of grunt, but I had no idea what it meant.
So I decided to take my clothes off and go and check myself.
I got in, his back was before me. I could see a series of bruises and some cuts. Many were mostly red lines, probably healing already.
"Are you okay?" I asked again, as I put my hand against his back.
He grunted again, shrugging his shoulders.
"I'm worried," I told him.
"I'm fine," he said. "Just tired."
I moved my arms around his waist, pressing myself against him, resting my cheek against his back.
We stayed like that for a little while.
"Darren?" I said finally. "Talk to me."
He turned around. I couldn't read his expression.
"Darren?" I asked again.
He stopped me by pressing his lips on mines.
It wasn't the kind of kiss I was used to, there was no passion behind it, it was just a movement, an action, and nothing more.
"Darren?" I said against his mouth.
He kissed me harder. His tongue slipping into my mouth. His apathetic movements slowly gained in intensity, and before long, he had me pressed against the shower wall. His hands lowered to my thigh, raising them on either side of him. He didn't wait to press himself inside of me.
I whimpered, my arms on either side of his head.
He was not gentle. He thrust into me, pressing me harder against the wall. I wasn't used to rough sex with him. He'd always been gentle and soft. This took me a little by surprise. I was not completely ready for this. And just as I manage to find my rhythm I felt him falter and find his release.
I felt like complaining, but I stopped myself.
He kissed me one last time, rinsed himself rapidly, and got out.
When I finally got out of the bathroom, he was putting his plate in the sink, eating the second half of his sandwich in three bites.
I went to dress up. He went to brush his teeth, and then went straight to bed.
When I realized he was already out cold, I got pissed.
What the hell?
I took a few long breaths and tried to calm myself. It had been a difficult day. But he was also acting like a jerk. And I didn't like it.
I eventually decided to stay. I watched a bit of TV and went to bed early.
He didn't even move when I got in bed with him.
I woke about seven, I felt like I'd slept too long in bed. Darren was still out.
I decided to go make some breakfast.
A few hours later, I was in bed next to him, with my phone in hand.
I was starting to worry. It was an abnormally long sleep.
A few times I put my finger under his nose to make sure he was still breathing.
When he began to stir, I felt relieved. I closed my phone and put my head on the pillow next to him
"Good morning," I told him when his eyes opened.
"Hey!" he said back. Well, at least he was more verbose than yesterday.
"You slept for a really long time. I got worried."
"Sorry," he said.
"You want breakfast?"
He smiled. "Sure. It would be lovely." Well, at least he sounded a little more like himself.
I got up and heated his plate, then brought it in the bedroom.
Darren was sitting in bed, rubbing at his eyes hard.
I gave him his plate and watched him eat in silence.
"What?" he asked me as he finished his plate.
"You were really weird yesterday," I said.
I saw his eyes darkened a bit and he looked away. He tried to make it appear normal, but I saw through it.
"You were a jerk," I said frankly.
His eyes snapped back to me.
"Hem…" he hesitated, a little confused. So I explained.
"You wouldn't talk to me, you looked out of it. Ate, and went to sleep, without saying anything like 'Hey, Eva. Thanks for the sandwich' Or 'Sorry about the rough and ordinary sex we just had, I should do better next time'."
He looked at me like this was news.
I crossed my arms.
"Did I hurt you?" he asked clearly worried.
I shrugged. "I've had better sex."
He licked his lips, uncertain.
"Sorry," he finally admitted.
I sighed. "I get that yesterday was a rough day," I said. I saw him look away. "Apparently, when things go wrong, your mind kinda retreat somewhere and you don't become the smoothest person around. It was a little like that when you fought with your Dad." He looked at me, but said nothing.
"We all have our rough moments, I get that. But if we're together, you gotta at least talk to me," I told him.
"I get that," he admitted. "But I needed time."
"Okay. So next time you tell me, 'I'm not fine, but give me time and then I'll talk to you.' Rather than just grunt like a caveman, and fuck me to shut me up."
"That's not what I did," he said defensively.
"Maybe, maybe not. But that's what it felt like."
"I won't be rough again," he said, his voice a little quieter.
I sighed again.
"It's not as much the roughness that bothered me as much as the fact that you were not present."
"What does that mean?"
"That your body was there, but not your head. You felt cold. And not temperature cold. I didn't like that."
He looked away. "Sorry."
"I don't need to be a psychiatrist to know you were upset," I said more carefully, sitting next to him on the bed. "But don't treat me like this doesn't concern me." I put my hand on top of his. "We agreed to a serious relationship, not friends with benefits. That means that we share. Good and bad. No?"
"Sure," he said still looking down.
I kissed his temple.
"I was certain that something had happened to you. I saw on the chatroom that there had been a body, and when I arrived I couldn't see you anywhere. Do you know what got into my head?"
"I'm sorry," he said meekly.
"Someone died Darren."
"I know," he said. "I'm the one who retrieved both bodies," he finally confessed. "They were…" His voice broke.
Whatever anger I had had, vanished. I moved astride him and wrapped my arms around his head, pressing him against my chest. He wrapped his arms around my waist, hard.
"I…" he began. "I don't…" he mumbled a few other words, disjointed and devoid of meaning. I moved my fingers through his hair, slowly, the way my mother did to me when I was sick as a child.
I felt the wetness of tears on my chest.
I wanted to say something. I think I'd been a little too rough on him. I mean, he hadn't been that horrible to me, and I acted like he'd been close to monster-hood.
I don't know how I'd feel if it had been me finding bodies. Maybe even of people I knew.
I didn't dare question him further. I just continued to move my hands on his head and shoulders, in what I hoped was reassuring caresses.
After maybe twenty minutes, we were lying down. It was my turn to have my head on his chest and I listened to his retelling of the day to the rhythm of his heart.
I was glad to know he hadn't been in serious danger, but I couldn't stop myself from shedding a few tears.
We talked some more. About anything, really.
I gave him apologies of my own, and we spent the whole day in bed.
As the sun went down, our conversation turned physical, I guess he felt like he had to compensate for yesterday. I wanted to tell him not to worry too much about it, but he was doing far too good of a job to find the strength in me to tell him anything that could make him stop.