Thump. Thump. Thump.
My heartbeat matched the slams of the zombies outside.
Thump. Thump. Thump.
They beat on the sides of the vehicle. I couldn't focus on anything but Kara's body. I held out my hands, palm up and then down as I examined the blood on them. Kara's blood.
"I'm so sorry." I managed to choke the words up through tears. "This should've been me! Not you!"
My fist made contact with the wall of the ambulance leaving smears of blood. My body shook with sadness. Eventually, the sadness turned into anger. Why wasn't it me? It should've been me.
I was the one who was too soft to kill him — to sacrifice him for the good of the group — now she's gone. If I had pushed him off into the zombies, Kara would be here with me.
It's my fault.
Whoosh!
The back doors of the ambulance swung open. The dead ones flew backwards due to the force.
Whack! Whack!
Anger flowed through me and powered the blunt force behind my hits. I left several lifeless bodies behind as I walked away, even more blood now splattered across my face. The others rushed to me.
"You a'right, kiddo? Where's Kara and Andy?" Vick inquired with panic in his voice.
Courtney chimed in, "What's with the blood?"
Something inside of me broke when I spoke the words "she's gone."
_
After using the ambulance to lead the zombies away, we rushed into the building that held Nista's trapped friend. Some zombies lingered nearby. When we finally made it inside, Nista rushed to the aid of her friend, knocking down every zombie in her way. Haze was hidden in a nearby office.
He stepped out of the office. His dark, tired eyes told a story of pain. His age showed and I guessed he was in his late thirties or early forties. Haze was tall and stocky with a firm stance and tattoos running up his large arms. The thick, dark hair on the top of his head was frazzled.
"Haze?" Nista paused, staring into his eyes. "Haze!"
She rushed to embrace the man. Though he seemed to have been through hell, her touch put a smile on his worn face. I wondered the age difference between them as she appeared to be around my age.
"God, Nista, I'm so —" his sentence trailed off as he squeezed her tight. "I'm so fucking glad you're alive."
"You scared me half to death," she scolded with her arms still wrapped around him. "Where's Mac?"
Haze gulped before responding. "He didn't make it, Nista. I tried to save him but he — he was determined to fight them. To not get trapped and eaten alive."
She pulled away from him to stare into his eyes. They shared a somber moment together and it dawned on me.
I'm not alone. We've all lost something.
"Jake," Christie called out as she approached. "I'm so sorry. I know I didn't act like it but I — I liked her. She was a badass. Knew how to duck."
"She was my angel for half my life." I spoke through a shaky voice. "I don't know what I'm going to do without her or how to function on my own. She was all I've ever known."
"Listen," she moved in closer in an attempt to make eye contact with me. "We're going to get through this together, alright? As long as you're with us, you will be okay. Are you with us?"
Our stares met and her brown eyes shined as the sun beamed through them.
"Christie, I —"
She repeated, "Are you with us?"
I gazed at her as moments passed before finally answering.
"I am."
_
We brought the bodies back to bury. It's only right. We discovered a peaceful spot in the woods I knew Kara would love. The rays of sun seeped through the branches above our heads and the early summer warmth filled the air.
Months ago, we were celebrating our anniversary. Now, I'm digging her grave.
"Can't help but feel I failed her and you," Vick sobered. "I took you in. Thought I could keep you two safe — turns out I couldn't."
"You saved our lives, Vick. We wouldn't have even made it here without you. Thank you."
We met gazes. For once, the sadness was prevalent across Vick's face. Tears filled his eyes and I think it was the first time I've seen him even come close to crying.
"Promise me, kiddo," Vick scoffed as he wiped his eyes. "If I ever go, you do whatever it is that keeps you safe. You're going to do good in this world someday but to do that you protect your life."
I began to scold him. "Vick, don't do this —"
"Anything can happen at any time. If I die, you have to keep going. When I lost my wife, I short-circuited. Blamed myself and the world. You can't do that now. Distracting yourself with emotions in this world — you'll die."
"I can't lose anybody else." I sobered, my voice breaking mid sentence. "I can't. I won't let it happen again."
"You can't control it. People just die now, kiddo. Within seconds, they're gone."
Kara's face flashed through my mind. I remembered the picture we brought with us when we left our home. I pulled the small photo out of my pocket. This is how I want to remember her.
The smile on her face as we sat near the beach on vacation with my parents. It was almost ten years ago — we were fifteen years old. We knew we were in love. We knew we'd be together forever and you could see it on our faces.
This is how I'll remember you, my love.
"Nighttime is rollin' in," Haze announced. "You don't reckon we should find somewhere to hold up for the next day or two?"
"The school but we'd be backtracking." Nista suggested.
"No. I'm not sleeping in the same building with a gymnasium full of freaks." Christie quickly objected firmly. "Who says we want you with us, huh? We don't know you. Where are you going?"
The noise of static came across our small radio. Seconds later, a voice could be heard.
We have set up an aerial assistance in Santa Maria, California. These planes are transporting survivors to an established safe zone in Canada. If you are in the Midwest or east coast, please do not attempt to travel....
The group exchanged skeptical glances and I shoved the photo back into my pocket.
"California?" Vick questioned, "that's quite a ride, you guys know that?"
"If there's a chance we can go back to normal and we won't ever have to see the deads again, I think it's worth it." Christie countered, "imagine not having to fight for your life anymore."
Silence bestowed upon us once again. Nista was the first to speak.
"Do you really think it'll last?"
Haze turned to her. "What if it does? What if we make it and we never have to deal with this hell after that? We'll never have to starve or pop off fireworks to save our lives again."
We're nowhere near California. The risk we'd be taking if we headed there — I don't know if it's worth it.
"What do you think, Vick?" I met gazes with him.
He sighed, "I think if there's a chance that we can go there and start to rebuild, we should take it. I know we won't all make it there. Maybe we will but — we've lost people already on this journey."
His face was firm and his lips were tight.
"If we make it, it could be one of the best things that have happened to us since it all started." He continued, "I'm willing to try if it means finding a safe place for everyone."
The radio said that if you were too far away from the aerial assistance they set up, stay put. Is it really worth it? What if by the time we make it there it's abandoned?
"How? How can we make it that far?" I inquired.
"It's going to be a long road, kiddo. We gotta stock up on gas and food, probably will need another vehicle eventually. I believe we can make it though."
What would Kara think?
She'd believe Vick. He's never steered us wrong.
I stared up at the now grey sky as I thought of Kara. A rain drop fell onto my forehead and then another.
"I believe in you, Vick."
As we set up the campsite for the night, I caught a glimpse of movement in the distance. Slowly, I strolled to the source, being sure to tread carefully. Behind the tree. It moved again.
I crept around the tree and within seconds, my arms were wrapped around the figure.
"Let me go, asshole!"
It was a woman. Her medium length, light blonde hair was frazzled and tinted with blood in the strands. I unhanded her quickly.
"I thought you were one of them, I —" I trailed off for a moment. "What the hell are you doing creeping around anyway? I saw you watching us."
"You're not the only ones I watch. Don't flatter yourself," she huffed. "Since I lost my boyfriend, I've been out here alone. There's not much to do when the world ends and you have no company."
"We're not the only ones? There are others?"
"There's a safe shelter a couple miles from here. Big facility — was an old homeless shelter. They took it over and made the place livable."
"Do you think they can help us? We need somewhere to stay while we build up our supplies before we leave."
She nodded in response.
I introduced her to the rest of the group and for the most part, we agreed that it could help us out.
So, tomorrow, we get up and we try again.