Have you felt like you're at the crossroads and you feel like you knew how you got there but still, it was uncertain for you on how you want to take it from there? On which road are you going to continue on?
Honestly, I am clueless but there's this something I feel inside me which tells me that there's something bigger that awaits for me..
I have felt that on my second year working at the publishing.
Only my daydream of Seth and I, well, our supposed love story kept me hanging on that job. And yeah, there's Mayumi, my best friend, ex best friend? At that.
I actually haven't heard from Mayumi after I resigned. She didn't contact me neither. I don't know but I guess by now she knows I'm not coming back. It took me so much to wake up from that dream.
I cannot understand her perspective but knowing my capacity to accept things I cannot change, she should have told me sooner.
It would be hard but at least, she's honest and it's not like I cannot take it.
Maybe a straight week of ice cream tub sessions for me and a week straight of Prison Break series marathon for Michael's tantalizing eyes to console my heart ache but I sure can take it. But can I?
Of course I can!
Really?
..... I think.
Yeah, I can.
Maybe not.
Not all in a sudden but I know I can.
So this is what they say middle life crisis.
I actually cannot tell if this is because of my heart ache but I have felt really that I wasn't at the right place anymore.
I love writing and all because I love the confines of my home but I, I needed a change and Lo! And behold! It was given to me.
I am currently browsing the net for job opportunities but all of them requires a whole lot of packing. I needed to move to another city.
Is it worth it?
Maybe I should try.
"Hey, Hiyas, can you peek into my stars and tell me which way do I have to tread on tomorrow?"
I playfully asked my cousin whose weirdness is so out of this world really. This is me calling her late at night out of the blue.
I don't know but it only took her a couple of rings. She must be doing something weird stuff at midnight!
At this hour?!
I hear a sigh from the other line. Was that a sigh of relief?
"Hey, are you still there?" I asked her.
"Sorry." Hiyas chirped.
"I've been having this dream again and it's straight three nights now that after my dream, there's this someone who would call me out of instinct of my desperation..
And I just find comfort in there, in his call." She hushed.
Wooaah.
"Did you just say His call?!
Sienna Hiyas Black, you must know this person, right?! I mean, you know this man personally?!"
I somehow hysterically inquired my cousin.
You see, Sienna Hiyas, but I love calling her Hiyas, our Lola or grandma had named us with her fond of the letter H for the name to start, but her memory is another story though,
Hiyas is weird but she's gentle and kind, plus, lovely. But yeah, she has a world of her own.
But she seems so gentle that this man could cause her harm!
"Hiyas?!" I exclaimed.
But all I hear is a snore from the other line.
Have I been wrong? Did she really sleep on me?
Talking about Hiyas and being weird.
Okay let's try..
Ringgg...
"Finally, another soul is still awake." I declared.
"This better be good Hiraya." The baritone spoke sleepily.
"But Himig, I can't sleep." I sounded extra sadly for him... and as always, it works! Haha
Must I be bad for putting the burden to my brother? Yes, brother from another mother though.
But he is my cousin from my father.
H starting names, remember?
"Are you okay?" Himig started dearly.
This is why I miss him but he is from another region so I seldom see him.
I sighed as the situation really sinks in for me. I am indeed, unemployed.
"I am heart broken, Mig." I started and paused..
"Mutya...She broke my heart." But he interrupted.
"Wait, do you swing that way?!" He sounded bewildered and it is so hilarious! I found myself to be in tears while laughing. And this was because of my unbelievable dear cousin.
When I calmed down after a few deep breaths, he spoke,
"Well, at least you don't sound so down now. Thanks to me."
"And the shameless dragon is finally awake. Uh-oh. Oh! Did I speak it out loud?" I started.
"Pssh!" Himig snorted.
"If only you'd let me finish." I backfired sarcastically.
"Speak it already." He demanded.
"Tsk. So bossy as always." I chided.
"Well?" He retorted.
"I resigned from my job, Mig. And I left Mutya and... Mutya and our boss are an item, for half a year I was completely blind." I stated calmy but heartily.
"Is this Seth Alon and Viel Mutya?" He asked.
"Ahh. How do you know their real names?!" I sounded completely taken aback.
"Well, my dear cousin, I read societal pages and my goodness, are you sure you and Mutya are best friends? I even know they're an item like three or four months ago. Their engagement was publicized in the society pages. Hellooo? Where have you been hiding?" Himig fired and I was flabbergasted that I do not have any single idea about this!
How come I do not know about this?!
After gathering my thoughts,
"I should know to call you more often for me to be enlightened with the world." I spoke lightly.
"Haha very funny. But seriously, go out and explore, Hiraya. The world is so vast and wide for you to go for an adventure. Maybe this is what you needed." Himig spoke with so much assurance that I forgot he is younger than me.
"Maybe I needed that, Mig. Thank you. I'd call you again tomorrow. Shall I?" She asked.
"Sure, sure." He replied.
But just like among others, Hiraya forgets these little stuffs..
On mid-life crisis, some take it so badly and some just go with the flow.
Not many got a solid back support and if you do not, always remember that what might have gotten you in crisis must figure out sooner than later.
Sometimes, when in uncertainty, the odds get you on track to where you actually should be.
Trust the process.
Even in uncertainty, there's clarity when figured out after you have made a significant moving on from that spot and you looked back.
So for now..
Just keep moving on!