Anah's P.O.V
How do you forgive someone who has lied to you? I mean lying is no different than backstabbing nor is it different from cheating. I know it was once, but the saying goes.
'Once a liar, always a liar. Once a cheater, always a cheater,'
Am I wrong to feel like this or feel at all. The past week I have realized you mean more to me than I apparently mean to you. I guess that is why I have this need to take a step back from you? I always wondered, without the joking and messing around.. Do I really know you? I mean I have told you a little about me but do you really know me? Are we even close friends? Or we are just two people that happen to offer a different kind of comfort to one another. Maybe I knew that, already. I convinced myself I should respect that and let you be you and me be me. But it hurts to learn that the place I thought I had in your life was in fact just my own desire. Here I wait to be proved wrong - that I actually am someone to you.
Unfortunately it is me who was proved wrong, I didn't mean enough.
I wasn't enough.
I don't know if I've mentioned this before but I am well aware of my place inside this house. When I am outside of it, I'd like to think I am free.
It is not the first time I have been treated like this, but the shock and pain of it, still remains. Just like walking in fire, burning over and over again.
This nightmare AGAIN.
But everytime it feels so real, everytime I try to change it, but it doesn't. Giving up isn't a choice.
I'm in a dark room, there is no sign of life nor light. Suddenly there is a spark and a fire starts growing. Despite the light from the fire, it is not strong enough im this room of darkness.
'Aaahh! I need to get out of here,' I look around, searching for a way out of this chaos. I try running away from the fire to buy myself some time to figure out how to get out of this mess.
There isn't.
Its just darkness everywhere.
Not a single loophole.
I look behind to find the fire has caught up to me, it's almost here. I am about to make another run for it when, I feel cold hands on my back and a strong push.
Caught off guard by the coldness of the palms on my back, I am pushed into the ring of fire which is meant to consume me. I didn't get time to react, so I turn around to at least know who the perpetrator is.
My entire body stiffens and eyes wide in shock before ending up in the middle of this raging fire.
Yelda..
"Why!!! Why!" I scream to the fullest, to get my words across to her, hoping that this time I'llget an answer out of her. I needed the explaination to sooth my breaking soul, anything would do but I neededto know she had no choice. Unfortunately, she didn't utter a word, all I say were tears running down her eyes as she stared at me being engulfed by the flames.
Right about when the flames close in on me, a warm pair of arms and a cloth is wrapped around my tiny little broken shell.
"You are safe now," he whispered those words in my ears. His breath calming my palpitations and his words convincing my tensed body that it was going to be okay. I know who he is, but I want to see those eyes again that I see everyday anyways. As I am about to turn, my shoulders halfway, my alarm wakes me up.
My eyes flatter open, in shock, in pain and in embarrassment.
I find cold, salty tears covering my face, wiping it I sit up and take two deep breathes. Grabbing my glass of water set of my nightstand, I take two big gulps and hold myself tight. I sit there curled into a ball, holding my knees as close as possible to my chest as my chest started aching but the tears never fell. It's actually be a week since that incident and Yelda and I haven't talked since.
The first day I jumped out of my nightmare, I pushed it to the back of my head. Putting on my wall of china, I got on with my day between school and home. I stayed inside the 4 beige walls of my painfully cold classroom. As the nights stayed consistently long, swallowing me whole, I became more and more chaotic. Like when the bell for recess echoes through the halls, carrying a deafening silence on my shoulders, I'd stare into nothingness, not moving an inch from my chair. I'd watch as the classroom emptied out and filled up again.
I was hurt.
Except, I wasn't alone in it.
I mean I was, but I wasn't. During my time in school, Quillion silently kept me company. He didn't try to make me feel better nor commence a conversation which would lead to nothing, but a dreadful silence aimed at him. He minded his own business and let me to myself. There were times when he watched me because there where times where I would find my fingers trembling or my shoulders giving away. I knew he was looking because I always know when eyes are on me.
There were times when the scene of that day and my nightmares would clash and take over my mind, suffocating me inside out. I hardly gave in to the blackhole inside of me, after all it has been growing within me since my first abandonment. It started when I was in third grade, when I was bullied in my own circle of my so-called friends. I fell for the first time, followed by what happened with my mother. I hadn't a choice but to grow up, closing all my doors.
My mistakes had turned into Punishments...
Unfortunately, I am who I am, naïve and too 'emotional' – full of feelings and caring. Being deserted this time, let's just say I am more mad at myself than at her. I hate myself more than ever for giving her the power to hurt me, the power to influence my world and the power to break me. Afterall, she knew it all.
Time heals all, they say.
LIE! Time doesn't heal anything; it just turns it numb. You hurt less eventually, that is all. You never forget the betrayal.
~ ~ ~
It's a new week today.
"Good morning," I direct it to Quillion as I take my seat next to him. It's the least he deserves.
"Good morning, Anah," he had all my attention, I was caught in comfort and shock. He said my name with a smile, I haven't heard a friendly voice for a week, or maybe I just blurred it out. All I know is this boy, who had kept me company the past week, is happy to hear me speak or react in a long time.
"I am sorry and thank you," I whisper to him before class began.
"Any time," he says, and we get lost in today's lecture for the day.
The bell to recess starts ringing and everyone is heading out.
I notice Yelda glance at me, only to look down, filled with guilt and regret, before heading out.
"So, are we staying in again, or cafeteria?"
Huh?? Quillion, staring at me searching for something I don't know, is waiting for me to reply. When I don't reply, he signals me, lifts his eyebrows as if re-asking the question, he just asked.
"Oh, Uhmm, what do you have in mind?"
"How about skip school?" he says with a naughty spark in his eyes.
"What?" I look at him to make sure he wasn't joking.
"Well you told me, you yourself haven't explored your own city much and since the guys got me my bike when they were here last time. I think why not," he says like he it is not a big deal.
"What about the rest of the classes? I can't skip class, Quillion. I will get in trouble with my parents. I already have enough on my plate," I say as I look away, I didn't want him to look into my soul like he has been trying to for the past week. I am vulnerable now, too vulnerable thus, I can't let anyone see.
"I understand. We will be back before class," he says as he gets up from his place, grabs my hand and practically drags me to his bike.
"I have never been on a bike before," I say hiding my embarrassment.
Quillion looks at me shocked, I can feel his eyes on me.
"Here, helmet for safety," he says handing me a dark blue helmet that he took out from under his bike seat. Must be an extra.
"You are going to be fine," I look up from staring at the bike to Quillion, he was looking at me with a reassuring look in his eyes and a smile later followed. I felt safe...
I took a deep breath and took my seat behind him, placing my legs right behind his on each side. Of course, keeping my hands to myself.
"You will need to hold tight,"Quillion points out but I still refuse to put my arms around him so I slightly hold his jacket.
Without a warning, Quillion grabs both my hands and places them around his firm chest.
"Hold on tight, I don't want you falling off half way," he says eyeing me from his rear mirror.
"Yeah, okay," I say as a blush finds it way up to my face, butterflies were taking over my stomach and my heart. Shit! What if he can hear it.
At my reply, I see him smirk through his mirror right before he pulls his helmet glass down and starts the engine.
Next thing I know, he is fast! Instinctively I hold on tighter and my face is on his back in fear. I felt his body move, I guess he looked to see me terrified and laughed.
Quillion Wild just laughed. This made me look up at him.
"Look to your right," he says as he gradually slows down to make a stop.
I look.
It's beautiful. It is breathtakingly beautiful...
It's a lake surrounded by jasmine flowers and an oak tree resting by the lake, covering it. The tree is very old, I can tell by the algae covering it and it's wood.
I get off of the bike and walk towards the lake, halfway I turn around.
"What are you waiting for!" I call for Quillion flashing a smile I thought I had lost along with my sleep. All I could smell was jasmine and it made me feel – I was happy and okay.
"Coming," he says from behind, I look back again, to see him hurrying up to my side with a secret giggle which I almost missed because it disappeared when our eyes met.
"You are such a child," he says shaking his head, faking his disapproving act, to hide his smirk.
"We don't have much time remember, so I wanna make the most out of it," I says with the brightest smile to let him know that I am a proud child.
"Now, come on!" I says as I take a hold of his hand and we run down to the lake.
We are at the edge of the lake, our legs covered in pollen from the jasmine. I look at Quillion only to find him watching me.
"Thank you, Quillion," I tell him without a full-face smile, as my eyes expressed sincerity towards his attempt to help me. Or maybe I was just overthinking it all, and I could be the only person he knows here.
"Of course," he says without budging. He didn't look away, until I realize, I am holding his hand.
"Sorry!" I say, extremely embarrassed. I look away from him and enjoy the view in front of me.
In front of us...