I wake up late in the morning, almost noon. I look around and see my empty bed. Suddenly feeling sick, I race to the bathroom and throw up. I wipe my mouth off with the back of my hand and stand up. I use the facilities and flush the toilet before walking to the sink, scolding myself for letting my anxiety get the best of me. I stare at my reflection as I wash my hands, the girl in the mirror looking pale and ghoulish, as if she's as close to death as her boyfriend was. I try to smile, my reflection snarling back with a look of extreme loss and pain. Staring into her eyes, she stared back into mine, telling me how easy it would be to join him. I have thought of it before, taking my own life, but there was always one thing that stopped me. Danny. He's the reason I'm still alive, he's the reason I wanted to live, to survive the apocalypse, to move on after making so many mistakes. And now he still needs me, but in the worst way possible. I swish with mouthwash before going to my room and getting dressed. I creep downstairs to see the mess he made yesterday morning still in the kitchen. I take a deep breath and go in, opening the freezer and digging though the thawed and deteriorating food, setting everything on the table for a moment. I find some rotting steaks and other raw meats that will hold him off for a few days, and put those in the kitchen sink. I throw the rest back in the freezer. I take a package of steak out of the sink and carry it outside. The air is warm and inviting as the sun is shining down on the pavement, feeling the warmth of it blaze through the soles of my shoes. I casually walk to the bus stop and look at the sleeping form of what used to be my boyfriend. I tap on the metal doorway with a stick. His eyes shoot open and he lifts his head. He emits a half moan, half growl and gets to his feet. I watch as he shambles over to me, trying to attack. I rip the plastic off the steaks and slide them to his feet. He looks at me.
"For you. Eat," I tell the zombie in front of me, as if he were a dog and point at him.
"You," he points at me, he claws the air, trying to grab me.
"Danny, you need to eat," he looks at me like I had slapped him then looks down at the meat. He gets to his knees and starts to eat, shoveling big bloody handfuls of the smelly steak into his mouth. I slowly step closer, watching him intently. I'm beside him before I can stop myself, no easy exit. If something goes bad, I'm as good as gone because even when he was alive, there's no way I could beat him in a fight. I squat down beside him and gently set my hand on his shoulder. His head snaps to me and he growls.
"No, it's all yours. Not mine," he watches me, slowly eating the bite in his hand. I move my hand up to his hair and ruffle it before pulling my hand away. He starts eating again, slower this time, still corner eyeing me, "I know we agreed that I wouldn't do this, but I love you and I can't go without your hugs." He finishes eating and turns to me.
"You," he points at me.
"Me?" I watch as he sits down all the way.
"Eat?" He points to the empty meat tray.
"I will give you more later" He whines. I get closer and embrace him, he sits still, skin cold to the touch. I move away and he looks at me, yawning. I reach forward and pull him down so that he is laying next to me. He puts his hand between our chests, right on my heart.
"My heart beat?"
"Eat, heart,"
"You eat things with a heartbeat,"
"Eat, heart," his voice almost sounds happy, as if there is still a little bit of Danny in that body. I run my fingers through his hair and let him fall asleep, his bloodshot eyes mostly closed, laying on his side, stiff as a board. I go back to the house for the wagon and some bait before going out to hunt for live traps. I collect a few and set them in the wagon with the bait. I pull the wagon behind me, the live traps rattling as the wheels roll over loose stones. I set them at a few houses where mouse damage had been evident and smile to myself. As I leave the last house, I see a bunny hop across the driveway of the next house over. I watch where it goes, following it silently, as I had done many zombies before. I see it's dugout home in the roots of an oak tree. I look in and see the multitude of rabbits in the cove. I walk back to check on Danny, deep in thought about the rabbits and how to breed them. After making sure he is still sleeping, I walk to the town's bookstore and find a book on animal breeding. I smile, flipping through to the rabbit section. I tear the section out. I walk back home and take a shower, the warm water doing its best to comfort my aching emotions. I stare into the wall, imagining Danny's smiling face in front of me as it had been so much in the past weeks. I remember the feel of his hands as he used to wash my hair, the sound of his voice when he told me to get out so he could finally get some hot water, the way his eyes flashed with surprise when I finally clambered out of the shower and got dressed. I shut off the water and get out. I stand in front of the mirror, using my towel to wipe the fog off it. I stare into the eyes that Danny used to love, the eyes that have so much pain that's no longer hidden. I dry myself, repeatedly wiping the water off my face and out of my eyes, not admitting to myself that I'm crying. I get dressed and look at myself, my eyes red, my face pale.
"How did Danny ever love you? You never deserved him or anything he did for you. You owe him all the love you can give for doing this to him. He loved you and you took his life away from him," I tell my reflection, the pitiful mess of a teenage girl staring back at me. Her eyes glare back at me, shaming me for being upset, holding all my mistakes against me. My mind goes blank as I grab my gun, aiming it between her eyes, staring at the anger and resentment written on her face, the pain and agony she won't let herself feel, the hidden self pity and regret that's been there for her entire life. Feeling everything and nothing at the same time, I watch my reflection talk to me, the hatred filled words flowing from her mouth like lava from a volcano.
"You are a mistake. No one wants you, no one ever wanted you, your own mother didn't even want you. How could you expect him to love you if you can't even love yourself? You are the worst person to ever walk the planet. Worse than all the murderers put together. Scratch that, you are a murderer," Her eyes fill with tears and her hand trembles, the gun shaking. The more her eyes fill, the less I can see, the more she looks like my sister. We look like a before and after picture, being 8 and a half months apart. The mirror ripples as my vision blurs to the fullest extent and the flashback takes hold of me. I stare up at her as she stands in front of me, screaming at me, but her words are coming to me like I'm under water.
"Never amount to anything!" I stare at her lips, the words reaching my ears don't line up with the words from her lips, like really bad wifi lag.
"Such a mistake!" Another voice enters. I look over to see my oldest sibling stare at me before kicking me again in my already broken ribs. The pain makes my head swim. Desperately, I try to keep my eyes open as my sister grabs my shoulders and slams my head down on the concrete, my vision darkening as a fresh wave of pain floods through my entire body. A scream of agonizing pain escapes my mouth before the gurgle of blood erupts from my mouth. I roll on my side to spit it out, screaming again from my ribs. I lay there, curled up, accepting the thought of death.
I watch as she mutters something to my brother before sneering down at me. She pushes me onto my back with her foot and bends down to yell in my face, mockingly, "Hey Kitty. Where's your boyfriend now, huh?" She spits on my face and stands back up. They walk away as I choke on my own blood. I close my eyes, hoping to see the light at the end of the tunnel. The light I saw next was the dimmed light of neon signs in the dark. Thick smoke hangs in the unmoving air and I start to hear the low voice of the local drug dealer drifting to me from the other room. I start to notice the throbbing in every part of my body. I search for my phone and find it sitting on the table next to me. I open up the only text I've received. It was from her.
You are worthless. Stay gone. Or better yet, go kill yourself.
I'm pulled out of my past and see her face in the mirror. Her face is the one I despise, the reason I hate my reflection, the reason no one could ever love me. It's all her fault.
I pull the trigger, my sister's face shattering. I don't even hear the glass break or the shards shatter as they hit the ground. I stare at the bullet hole that was right between her eyes. Everything changed in that moment, everything that I pent up, all the negativity that I bottled up inside drained from my body like someone unclogging the pipes to a sink overflowing with the dirty water of now clean dishes. I look around at the shards surrounding me before walking out of the bathroom, the shards cutting the bottom of my bare feet. I go downstairs to clean up Danny's mess in the kitchen before heading back upstairs and making the bed, tucking in the stuffed animal in Danny's spot. I clean until I notice the shadows getting longer, it's dinner time for Danny. I go to the cages and catch a rabbit that's big enough to feed us both. Ringing its neck, I quickly slice off a slab of meat for myself before throwing the rest in a basket. I hurry down the road to the bus stop where I know he is waiting patiently for dinner and snuggles. I get there and he is waiting just beyond arm's reach of the doorway, growling and gnashing his teeth at me. I pull the rabbit out of my basket and hold it out at arm's length. I step into the doorway and he claws for it, snatching it out of my hands. He rips into the fresh meat with his teeth, pulling it apart to hungrily devour the rabbit's muscles and organs. I get closer to him and gently ruffle his hair. When he finishes eating, he looks at me.
"You," He points at me. I hold my arms out to him and he slowly steps toward until he is in my arms, allowing himself to be hugged. I feel his fingers slide over my back as if he is deciding to tear me to shreds. His nails dig in for a moment before relaxing again, not breaking skin. I pull away from him and sit down, patting the cushion next to me. He sits and lays his head in my lap as I stroke his hair. His eyes close and soon I'm on my way home to cook and eat. My tasks were finished in numb silence and I crawled into bed, pulling the stuffed animal close to me. I stared at the covered window until I finally lost consciousness. I wake to the rising of the sun and I get out of bed to throw up. I continue on with my day, it being much like it was yesterday. I go feed Danny, chill with him, go home, go back, feed him, go home and sleep. This happens day in, day out, for a week. After a week of throwing up, it finally hits me about what the problem could be so I went for a walk to the drug store. I take a pregnancy test from the shelf and slowly walk home, loads of worries on my mind. I check the mouse traps on my way and find that I had caught some mice. I contain them all in the same cage and carry the small furry creatures home. I put them in a large greased bowl and set it in the wagon. Beaming, I skip down the road, pulling the mice infested wagon behind me. I pull up and Danny is at his chain's length, waiting for his breakfast.
"Eat?" He holds his arms out, waiting for a limp rabbit to be held out for him.
"Not this time, Buddy. I got something better," He growls, getting impatient, "Back up,"
He takes a step back and I set the bowl down in front of him. He looks down at the live mice and licks his lips.
"Eat, heart?"
"Yes, they are alive. Good boy, get them,"
In an instant he drops to his knees, pulling one of the mice out and ripping into it with his teeth. Eating the muscles and organs that's contained in the small ribs, he drops the bones back into the bowl one by one as he pulls them off. He picks up another one, the blood spurting from an artery as he tears the head off. I watch in a fascinated horror as he devours his fresh dinner. Dropping the last mouse pelt back into the bowl, he looks up at me with a smile, much like my dad used to when I brought him wings during a football game. The grizzly, cherry red blood covers his face and drips off his chin. I shake my head and take off my shirt, using it to wipe his face off. He smiles and lays down on his cushions, ready for cuddles. I lay down next to him as he snuggles in close to me. I gently pet his head and down his back, carefully lulling him to sleep. I lay there with him, falling asleep myself.
I wake up with a start in my bed. I look around, rub my eyes, and look around again.
Did I walk here last night? I don't remember walking home last night, but I guess I must've.
I swing my legs over the edge of my bed and rush to the bathroom. Throwing up again, I decide to finally take the test. The anxiousness of waiting gets me pacing around the bathroom. Two lines appear. I rush out of the bathroom and down the stairs. I jam my feet into my shoes and race out the door, holding my belly with one hand and the test with the other. I slow as the bus stop comes into view, a huge smile on my face.
I wonder if he will understand. Well, I mean, of course he'll understand, it's still Danny.
I imagine his joy, his smile when I tell him that I have a little heart beat in my stomach. I get closer and stop, not comprehending what I see. Danny's floof of matted hair could be seen sticking out of the door. There was blood splattered on the inside of the farther wall, almost unnoticeable from my view point. I step closer slowly, drawn to the macabre sight. I step to the doorway, looking at the lifeless body of the boy I loved, and zombie or not, I knew that he loved me. The side of his face that I could see had a deep gash in it, matching the slice on his neck. Tears stream down my face as I step back, right into someone else's arms. I spin around and of all people, there is Jeff looking down at me.
"Kaitlyn, come with me, I'll take you back to my place," His calm voice freezes my tears, but it also unleashes blind rage and hatred from the depths of my soul. I keep my voice low, the pressure building up inside of me, much like a teapot that's about to whistle.
"What did you do?"
"He was upsetting you, he's a zombie Kaitlyn. You can't just keep him like a pet. We all knew this day would come. We all accepted it, Danny accepted it. Kaitlyn-"
"Well, I never accepted it! It never crossed my mind that one day the only person who has ever loved me would be ripped from my arms. It never occurred to me that I wouldn't be with him forever. I never would've guessed that after all we've been through that I would never get to say goodbye," I scream, tears running down my face, my mind in a whirl. I run. I leave Jeff and Danny and the rest of the world behind me. Not knowing where I'm going, I end up at my front door. I run inside, not thinking about anything as I grab my pistol. I grab a pen and quickly scribble a note before walking back outside. I stand in my front lawn, gun in my right hand, the note and test in my left. And then I wait, but I don't have to wait for long. Jeff is sprinting up the road towards me, I watch him get closer with each stride. He's a block away when I raise the gun to the side if my head, making sure safety is off. His strides get faster and longer, as if he's trying to reach me before I pull the trigger. He crosses the sidewalk in one stride. I pull the trigger, his fearful expression and the tears running down his face being the last thing I see. I don't even hear the bang before it all goes black.
I didn't make it in time. I catch her as she falls, body limp, instantly dead. I hold her to my chest, the tears flowing down my face. Kaitlyn was the closet thing I had to having my little sister back. I look at the things she had in her hand, now laying on the ground. A positive pregnancy test and a piece of paper. Picking them both up, I notice the writing and read the note.