I've gotten a terrible
consistent weakness
from your deep set
of sparkling eyes
The windows
of your clear soul
The freckles of
addictive imperfections
that lure every gaze
to your sweet face
Blinking each minute
to my stirred affection
A coated dagger of danger
that rips one's ice-cold heart's barrier
No effort is ever needed
with just your one simple gaze
---
When I looked in the mirror, I felt confident, proud even because I think I looked good with my favorite denim pants and my favorite black tank top. But when I saw Jed's face as I went down the staircase. .. with his clean, simple white shirt and baggy pants. ..
Geez, I felt so small. A lone ant in the mercy of an ant hill destroyer. Or maybe an Icarus wax under the heat of an oh so awesome Sun god.
I forced myself to act normal even though what I wanted right now is to go back upstairs and look at the mirror again. Fix whatever it is needed fixing to appear more presentable in the sight of this Greek god.
"Hey Princess! (In his baritone)
" Move fast a little! You're not wearing a gown sizt" in his voice with a faked feminine tone which startled my inhibitions and I just laughed like a maniac, my usual super unfeminine laugh.
"Yes Jed, Jeddy, Jeddy, (My feminine name for him) you ruined my daydreaming again! But please kindly repeat with the tone please? Please?", I teasingly remarked
He willingly obliged! "Okay sizt, so where is your latest trendy bag? We're matchy matchy here Jazzie baby" he said while holding my niece's Hello Kitty bag in the counter near the TV set.
I laughed again faking snort after snort which made him more encouraged.
P.S. That's my way of hiding my blush when I heard him call me baby!
"Come on let's go. We have a whole waves and waves of traffic to beat," I said while still smiling and stopping myself from laughing.
"After you" he said in his usual baritone voice.
I picked my pink pouch and sun glasses and rushed to his motorcycle. We bought a bouquet of roses on the way because what I made for Leah Elize are chrysanthemums and Lilies since I forgot to tell Jimmy that Lizzie's favorite flower is Rose. I still used the flowers to personally arrange a bouquet for her since I want to have a personal touch to a simple gift that she can't see but I'm hoping she can feel there from heaven.
I've never done this to her when she was still alive and I can't help but feel guilty because of how ironic this is. Admit it, we get to shower flowers to people only when they can't see it anymore. We place it in a cold tombstone that lays witness to our empty cries, regret and loneliness of losing our loved ones. I can't remove the image of her blissful giggles upon giving her these flowers I'm holding, only if she's still alive and breathing its every scent.
Maybe that's how people are wired. We only focus on what's beyond the surface when the most essential thing is completely gone.
"Okay Jazzie we're here. Are you alright? You're crying"
I didn't notice we already arrived. I hopped off, put down the bouquet and wiped my tears off. "I didn't notice Mr. CCTV. You see everything you know! There's nothing I can hide from you" I told Jed with a smile to somewhat break the ice. "Let's go"
"Give me those" he said, snatching all the things in my hand except my bag. We walked to Lizzie's grave and he let me pray silently. He also told me he'd just buy something in a nearby convenient store maybe to give me space and alone time.
I placed the flowers in her grave and lit 2 candles "Hey Lizzie, here I am. I passed the test in Constitutional Law, uhm-- actually I aced it, I got the highest score Bru! Hey, I remembered, you promised you'd buy me ice cream when this happened, and SamGy and pasta and Dimsum. But anyway I understand, maybe you're there now to hide from me" I said while laughing silly. Good thing there's only me and a couple of teens in the cemetery that morning who were maybe 100meters away from me.
"So what now? You're not responding? You hate me now? Seen zone af? Char don't respond. I might look ever crazier running with my tails on my butt that talking to your grave" I said in a grin. I told her more things that happened in the week and I also confessed to her about my feelings to Jed which I kept denying to her when she was alive. The denial was actually true I thought but maybe Lizzie knows me better than myself even since before I admitted it to herself, she already knew I like him.
I was in the middle of telling Lizzie she has an astrologer or Miss Crystal Ball in her blood when I heard Jed laugh at my back telling I'm crazy but witty at the same time. I tried to hide my embarrassment because I've been hell confessing about my feelings to him in Lizzie's grave!
"What Mr. Turtle? You can't chase a silly old joke so you just can't stop laughing?" Good thing he's focusing on not dropping the ice cream on his hands so he didn't see my awkward face.
"Here's your ice cream" he told me while still trying not to laugh. Geez I just told Lizzie she needed to give me ice cream a while back and here is Jed giving me that same thing. Guess he really know me after all. To my every veins. I bid farewell to Lizzie after a while and we went to the mall to buy some more stuff for school and work.