Callisto never once wished for anything bad to happen to those who have hurt and broke her into million pieces , instead she believed that their hateful words were true. She believed that she was the main reason of why her life turned out the way it is and she believed she was better off dead. She feels resentment towards herself for living when she should be six feet underground. Callisto is never a girl who likes attention instead she was the exact opposite of both her parents.
So naturally you'd understand that the self-made scars on Callisto's body were not for mere attention, instead Callisto just wanted to feel numb after getting hurt over and over again. It's funny to say that till this day nobody seems to understand what's going on in Callisto's destructive mind. For almost a year nobody suspected a damn thing which was a great thing till the beginning of this year. Some of Callisto's friends started noticing scars on her arm and asked her about it but she was quick to change the subject or brush them off. Even then Callisto had everything under control but little did she know that a bigger problem was heading her way.
A few months later, Callisto's mom noticed the scars and asked her what those were. Callisto felt as if she wanted the ground to just swallow her whole. She felt guilty for doing this to her mother but that soon vanished as she heard her mother utter the words "You're a coward". Apparently to her mother it was as if there was a competition to see who was hurt the most by Callisto's father. After that incident Callisto started seeing her mother in a different light. Never once did she ask Callisto how she was doing or if she was happy instead her mother decided to act as if nothing happened. Although Callisto was sad that her mother didn't care she was glad at the same time because she didn't want to cause any troubles.
Turns out Callisto was wrong, everytime they had a fight her mother would say some pretty hurtful things making Callisto feel as if she was being an ungrateful brat. Her mother would say things like "If you think you're depressed what does that make me?" or "So you think only you can hurt yourself? I feel like using a knife to slit my wrists" and my personal favourite " You say you want to become a therapist/ psychologist but how on earth are you going to make that happen when you're like this?". She never knows how bad those words hurt Callisto and the fact that she never says sorry for her words.
Callisto feels as if everything is her responsibility. She feels as if it is her responsibility to make sure everyone is happy even though it costs her happiness. The sensible part of her knows that whatever that happened was not her fault but the scared part of her feels as if she was the main reason "it" happened. Callisto feels that if she did a better job she could have prevented her father from cheating on her mother. Callisto feels that if it wasn't for her, her parents would still be happy and not be fighting all the time. Callisto still couldn't understand why her parents didn't like her as much as they did with her sister. Callisto isn't jealous in fact she's far from that, she's just glad her little sister doesn't have to go through what she did.
Callisto always believed in true love, I'm pretty sure most of us do too but after seeing her father betray her mother, Callisto's afraid. She's afraid that all men are just like her father "mean" , "angry" , "unfaithful". Callisto is afraid/ uncomfortable of being touched, whenever someone is a bit too close for her liking Callisto tenses up. She's afraid that she's going to get hit so she has to be alert all the time beacause she doesn't know what's going to happen next and that scares her. Callisto knows that not everyone is going to be like her father but she can't help it, Callisto's been hurt so many times she's learnt how to guard herself. Callisto's tired of picking up the broken pieces by herself so she hides behind a "mask" , she hides behind a façade and she has been for her whole life.
-The End-
06/12/2020
Love,
C🦋