"Rosemary..." I softly whisper feeling satisfied and calm for a minute now
I'm sitting in the wide Bermuda grass while seriously looking at my canvas not minding those people around me. No one dares to approach me so yeah, I'm okay here. I'm making a pigment to emphasize the beauty of rosemary that I saw a while ago, the reason why I decided to paint it. I don't know how long I been sitting here, I just let my feet lead the way and I found myself here in this wide park after I decided to go out and roamed around.
I'm listening to music while my hand is moving carefully, afraid that I might get a wrong stroke in my brush. My lips curved a little when the song hit the chorus, I was about to highlight the dark lining for the frame when someone tapped my shoulder making me stop. I was a little bit surprise causing a slight unwanted stroke making my creased my forehead and it made me stop before putting down the paintbrush before and the palette. I pulled out the earphone on my right ear and turn around.
I saw a mid 40's woman smiling at me which is unexpected. She's wearing a floral dress and holding a scarf in her left hand. I smile back at her trying to be pleasant. I was about to ask her but then she pointed to my black cotton jacket.
"Someone is calling you Hija, it's been a while actually," she said softly
I blink my eyes and I awkwardly look at her. I didn't hear the ringing of my phone because of the wireless earphone that is connected to my other phone. I'm enjoying the music and I was so into it.
"Thank you," I said and she just shook her head
I immediately get my phone in the pocket of my jacket but I got disappointed when I saw Ella's name on the screen. What does she want this time? I shake my head before I walk away and press the green button.
"What?"
"Good morning to you too Cam!" she happily greeted me
I snorted because of it and irritatingly walk a little farther.
"I'm not in the mood El, what do you want?" I ask her letting her heard the distaste on my voice
"Your so grumpy Cami, where are you? Why didn't you attend your class? I texted you right?" She asks continuously
Do I need to explain myself to her? As far as I can remember, I can do anything I want without asking for approval from her. I sighed and I stared at those tall bamboo trees dancing at their rhythm as the wind blows softly It's so mesmerizing...
"Are you sick?" I heard her said on the other line
The concern is evident in her voice She's not allowed to feel that for me. She's feeling close.
"I'm fine, I just wanted to rest so stop disturbing me" I replied harshly
"I'll visit you today, I'll ask Sabby and Andrius to accompany m-"
"Do you even know where I live? " I ask to cut her off
I heard her protest on the other line and I wanted to laugh because of it, but I restrain myself not to because she might misunderstand it and she'll think that were close already. Were not friends okay?
"You're so mean! Just let me visit you, please" she insisted, and even though I can't see her face right now I already know what does she looks like
It's annoying.
"Don't push it, let's just meet each other tomorrow " I said to end our conversation
She's too tiring to talk. She always thinks that I always consider her suggestion.
"OMG! I'll bring Sabby with me!" She exclaimed
She doesn't have any shame in her body.
"Yeah whatever, just stop calling me," I said with annoyance
"I know you don't mean that Cam. Bye! See you tomorrow! " she squealed on the other line making me distance myself to my phone
Good thing she ended the call on her own, not like those past few days that I need to turn off my phone just to make her stop.
I walk back to my place where leave my things and the canvas and I notice the woman who approaches me a while ago. She's still standing on her spot while looking at my canvas and she turns her head to look at me when I stop beside her. She smiles gently so I smile a little too.
"You like rosemary flower hija?" she asks unexpectedly
My smile instantly vanished in the thin air and I look at my canvas before I look at her again. I don't like rosemary but the beauty it possess is so hard to ignore. rosemary represents a balanced composition for me. The violet and green color are overwhelming in my eyes.
"My daughter's name is Rosemary, but she's already dead five years ago" she added and the sadness on her voice is noticeable
I licked my lower lip trying to find the right word to say. I'm not good at this kind of conversation. I'm not a sympathetic kind of person.
"I'm sorry to hear that"
Just like before she smiles at me gently and I remember Ella to her. Ella keeps on smiling though there's nothing funny about something.
"Do you know what does rosemary means hija?" She asked that made me stop
My hand form into a fist before I answer her.
"Dew of the sea" I whisper remembering those days that I use to hear that rosemary word
I flinched in surprise when she suddenly holds my arm. We're not close and she's being touchy, like seriously? Can I rolled my eyes?
"Yes, but it means remembrance hija. Rosemary won't let you get lost because the scent it possess helps you find your way home. It helps you to be found and to be remembered" she said meaningfully followed by the wind blows
And suddenly I felt scared again. And an idea crept into my mind that, I don't want to be rosemary...
Because I don't want to be found and I don't want to be remembered...