Soon after I start writing notes about nearby restaurants and a few activities Kiro glides down the staircase and plops down at the table, sitting across from me, "whatcha up to?" He leans over the table to look at my notes.
I look up and lock into his eyes startled, "oh, uh, I was just doing some final research on things to do around here..." he nods not diverting his eyes from mine. I quickly looked back at my notes hiding my red face. This kid, why am I like this. It is definitely just the environment. He is my best friend, that's it.
I bite my lips annoyed by my heart beating. I should go to the doctor. I hear him sit back down on the ground. I look back up searching for his face, his brows slightly furrowed. I smile, "what would you like to do here?" attempting to change the topic.
His face softens, "hmm, you mention hot springs a lot. How about for today we go to the springs then take a walk to a nice ramen shop?"
I glare at him, "are you sure you want to do that? I asked what do *you* want to do?"
He chuckles quietly, "I would love to go to the hot springs and get some nice hot ramen later. We can discuss what else we would like to do in our time while we eat. How does that sound?"
I grin, "If you want to then count me in!" Trying to awkwardly be enthusiastic wasn't working to well. Kiro looks over at me with a smile. But, I could see his grimacing eyes. I knead my brows, "hey Kiro," I pause as he directs his attention to me, "what's wrong?"
His smile fades, leaving the truth. His frown plays across his face before his sad eyes sparkle. He puts on a sad smile once again and he softly chuckles as he looks down and fidgets with a pen from the wide assortment of drawing utensils spread across the little table.
"Nothing that I can change is wrong, don't worry about it. I won't either," he continues to look down at the pen spinning around in his hand.
Once again my brows furrow, "what do you mean? Nothing's happened has it? Is everything at work okay, family?" Ive known him for so many years... but he's never been like this in times of excitement. Maybe work has gotten to him, "maybe you should have rested instead for your break..." I mumble.
His brows bolt up giving him that iconic puppy face, "what, no, that's not the problem! My family is okay, work is just the normal. I'm more then glad to be here with you."
My heart dips, why does that hurt me? Shouldn't I be glad he's okay, and that he's here with me now after so long, "Kiro, I'm glad you're here," my brows soften, "but-"
He clenches his jaw, "no, it's not you're fault at all, you don't have to pity me. You wouldn't understand my situation. I don't think you could help even if I did tell you."
A drop of adrenaline ran through my gains, "well then if I can't help with your 'situation' then I can't! Whatever, then I'm here, just-" I sighed, what do I even say, there's never enough time to think. What's even wrong with him today? I snarl caught up in my thoughts.
Before I have time to say anything more, I feel Kiro's lips crash into mine. I sit there motionless for a moment trying to register what just happened. Before I can decide to push him away or pull him close he pulls away and looks at the ground with his jaws clenched and his brows tightly knitted together, "I'm sorry," he whispers before standing up and rushing outside.
I sit there for a moment more, did he just kiss me? Kiro... kisses me... my best friend. Has he always liked me? I look at the ground soon feeling a tear of emotion run down my cheek. I slowly raise a hand to my face to feel the tears falling, why am I crying? What's wrong with me!
My heart aches, why? What do I feel, I don't even understand. All I know is I don't know what's wrong but I can't just let Kiro run away. I need him.
I jump up and slide a pair of slippers on and run outside. As soon as I reach the busy street just beyond the landscaping I feel the raindrops hit my face hiding my tears. Looking around I can't find him anywhere.
I decide to run to the left. Scanning everyone's faces as I hurry past the little shops. Sooner then I realize, I reach the bus station with him no where to be found. My tears begin to pour out as the rain intensifies. All it does is rain here. At least... I was lucky enough to have sunshine on our arrival. The sun must have followed him.
I turn around and head back into the little town. Passing all the shops back to the little house, by the time I return the rain had let up as the clouds still stir above. Leaving my soggy slippers outside, I slowly step into the house. Kiro stands there with a soaked rain coat, his fluffy blond hair only slightly damp.
I look up at him. His gaze like daggers, he stares at me with wild eyes, "where have you been..." he mumbles before racing over and embracing me with his long arms. Once again I felt the tears flowing from my eyes. He pulled me in tightly pressed against his broad chest.
My arms crept up his back weakly, barely able to hold onto him as my heart completely just shut down. I don't know what to think anymore. I don't want to think anymore.
After a while he let go of me, "I'm sorry... for everything. I didn't realize it- I don't want to ruin our trip, but I know it's too late-"
"No, you haven't ruined anything. We still have plenty of time to do everything we planned out, don't worry about today's plan. It's okay." I pleaded, but his face didn't change from the clenched jaw and tightened muscles.
"I know... but, this was the one time we've both had off. And I just wanted you to have the best time you could. I couldn't even make you happy on the first day, I ruined our friendship and ran away, in the rain. I wasn't even considerate enough to think that you would look for me. I'm sorry."
My feet ache and the air conditioning was starting to freeze through my soaked clothes, "You haven't ruined anything. Our friendship, I will admit, won't be the same. Maybe, we won't even be friends anymore. And I followed you on my own-" I look up at him as his arm covers his face, my heart sinks.
I never thought I'd admit this to myself... but, did I really stop seeing him as a friend? How long ago, when did I realize, do I really-
"I-" I step closer to him and loosely wrap my arms around him, is this even okay? I don't want to lose him... but, the risk of losing him is greater the closer we get. If something happens if we were, together, then that would be it. Game over. All those years, gone, thrown away.
So is this really okay? The risk... he drops to his knees and buries his face into my stomach, tightly holding onto me with his arms. I hesitate before lightly wrapping my forearms around his fluffy head.
He held onto me tighter. I know that if I lose him, I'll have nothing. No one to lean on, no one to tell my secrets, no one to share notes with, no one to gossip with. And I know that I may lose him if I love him. But, there's no going back now, I have to face my fears and have faith that I'd have the luck I have had with him this far.
So, whatever happens, after this moment, after today, when we go back to our daily lives of barely seeing each other through our busy schedule. I have to have faith that we will always be together, that I won't lose him. Because, I need you Kiro.